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tired of being so out of sorts
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<blockquote data-quote="amazeofgrace" data-source="post: 172815" data-attributes="member: 4864"><p>I keep looking into low income housing to rent or buy. I have a small nest egg, but I do not want to move it until I am divorced because it is $ he can't touch. I keep rationalizing that if I buy my own place, if he ever were to be back in my life for any reason, it would still be my own place (which would = security to me). But again this is me daydreaming and not dealing with reality. I am so afraid of what the next days, weeks and months will hold.</p><p> </p><p>I am whole heartedly praying he will stay in the "recovery" stage and I do not want to do or say anything to make him relapse. That was/is one of my main concerns about him seeing difficult child's, they could easily knock him off the wagon.</p><p> </p><p>I guess it's reality that hurts the most. He is either going to achieve sobriety without me, and most likely live his life without me (and with someone else), or become a self destructive addict again. Either way it will hurt me, but I would rather see him be healthy, live and have some kind of relationship with his boys. I know I've said this b4, I just can't seem to digest the truth of it all. I keep hearing "what about me?" in my head.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="amazeofgrace, post: 172815, member: 4864"] I keep looking into low income housing to rent or buy. I have a small nest egg, but I do not want to move it until I am divorced because it is $ he can't touch. I keep rationalizing that if I buy my own place, if he ever were to be back in my life for any reason, it would still be my own place (which would = security to me). But again this is me daydreaming and not dealing with reality. I am so afraid of what the next days, weeks and months will hold. I am whole heartedly praying he will stay in the "recovery" stage and I do not want to do or say anything to make him relapse. That was/is one of my main concerns about him seeing difficult child's, they could easily knock him off the wagon. I guess it's reality that hurts the most. He is either going to achieve sobriety without me, and most likely live his life without me (and with someone else), or become a self destructive addict again. Either way it will hurt me, but I would rather see him be healthy, live and have some kind of relationship with his boys. I know I've said this b4, I just can't seem to digest the truth of it all. I keep hearing "what about me?" in my head. [/QUOTE]
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tired of being so out of sorts
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