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tk toilet issue
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 590853" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>What a yucky thing to find. There was no way to let my kids have their own bathroom that I didn't end up in or walking past every day, so we didn't have this problem. I know another mom who had to deal with it though. Her husband insisted that spanking was the way to stop the problem of the toilet stinking due to not being flushed for long periods. He was right. The toilet did stop stinking. Sadly the spankings led to the child being afraid of the toilet and finding other places and things to use instead of the potty. By the time he started using other things, it was too late to undo the damage caused by the spankings. </p><p></p><p>I found that the more I could link something good, fun, yummy, positive to the behavior that I wanted, and the more I ignored what I didn't or insisted that the child deal with the negative aspects like cleaning up the mess (age and abilty appropriate of course), the better and more lasting the results were. We DO know that spankiing children has the long term result of increasing violence in our children as there is credible reasearch on this. The problem with spanking a difficult child is that they make links that would NEVER occur to most people and it is incredibly hard to break those links (spanking for not flushing means don't use the potty at all ever type link) once they are formed.</p><p></p><p>While it may be a PITA, try linking candy or a toy to flushing right after use. Think about what tk likes and wants and use that to motivate flushing rather than spanking for not flushing. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes we have to stop and think about what we want when we are teaching our children things. I am not totally against spanking but many times it can be more of a problem than a help. It is so hard to tell if a child will link the consequence to the action and it can help to look at discipline as logically as possible. There is a book that I found very helpful with this "Don't Shoot THe Dog". It is written by an animal trainer and is more aimed at getting adults to do what you want, but I found it changed how I thought about punishment and hte ultimate goal of punishment. I also fuond the Love and Logic books super helpful. If you ahven't read them, they are amazing. Parenting your Child iwth Love and Logic by Fay and Kline is a good book to start with. Even though tk is 8, you may find great help from the ideas/techniques in their book for kids up to age six called "Love and Logic: Magic for Early Childhood".</p><p></p><p>I probably would have lost it for a few moments if I found a toilet that had been used but not flushed for a week. GROSS and the smell/germs are a big trigger for me. So I totally understand the spanking. It would be interesting to hear why tk wanted to do that. Was she simply hating the sound of the flush or something else about flushing or was she liking the smell or keeping the waste in the toilet? Knowing that could be a big help when working to stop the problem. </p><p></p><p>You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your child si wired differently. Lots of kids are. Normal truly does not exist except in math and statistics. As an adult who is wired differently, I can honestly say that my life has not been made awful or less because of my differences. It has been enriched and given me opportunities that others never had a clue existed, much less the opportunity to take advantage of. Some things were not good along the way, but I would still pick my wired differently self over anyone's wired typically self! </p><p></p><p>I hope you don't get any other surprises like that on any time soon!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 590853, member: 1233"] What a yucky thing to find. There was no way to let my kids have their own bathroom that I didn't end up in or walking past every day, so we didn't have this problem. I know another mom who had to deal with it though. Her husband insisted that spanking was the way to stop the problem of the toilet stinking due to not being flushed for long periods. He was right. The toilet did stop stinking. Sadly the spankings led to the child being afraid of the toilet and finding other places and things to use instead of the potty. By the time he started using other things, it was too late to undo the damage caused by the spankings. I found that the more I could link something good, fun, yummy, positive to the behavior that I wanted, and the more I ignored what I didn't or insisted that the child deal with the negative aspects like cleaning up the mess (age and abilty appropriate of course), the better and more lasting the results were. We DO know that spankiing children has the long term result of increasing violence in our children as there is credible reasearch on this. The problem with spanking a difficult child is that they make links that would NEVER occur to most people and it is incredibly hard to break those links (spanking for not flushing means don't use the potty at all ever type link) once they are formed. While it may be a PITA, try linking candy or a toy to flushing right after use. Think about what tk likes and wants and use that to motivate flushing rather than spanking for not flushing. Sometimes we have to stop and think about what we want when we are teaching our children things. I am not totally against spanking but many times it can be more of a problem than a help. It is so hard to tell if a child will link the consequence to the action and it can help to look at discipline as logically as possible. There is a book that I found very helpful with this "Don't Shoot THe Dog". It is written by an animal trainer and is more aimed at getting adults to do what you want, but I found it changed how I thought about punishment and hte ultimate goal of punishment. I also fuond the Love and Logic books super helpful. If you ahven't read them, they are amazing. Parenting your Child iwth Love and Logic by Fay and Kline is a good book to start with. Even though tk is 8, you may find great help from the ideas/techniques in their book for kids up to age six called "Love and Logic: Magic for Early Childhood". I probably would have lost it for a few moments if I found a toilet that had been used but not flushed for a week. GROSS and the smell/germs are a big trigger for me. So I totally understand the spanking. It would be interesting to hear why tk wanted to do that. Was she simply hating the sound of the flush or something else about flushing or was she liking the smell or keeping the waste in the toilet? Knowing that could be a big help when working to stop the problem. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your child si wired differently. Lots of kids are. Normal truly does not exist except in math and statistics. As an adult who is wired differently, I can honestly say that my life has not been made awful or less because of my differences. It has been enriched and given me opportunities that others never had a clue existed, much less the opportunity to take advantage of. Some things were not good along the way, but I would still pick my wired differently self over anyone's wired typically self! I hope you don't get any other surprises like that on any time soon! [/QUOTE]
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