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Today is the Day
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<blockquote data-quote="midatlanticdenial" data-source="post: 637567" data-attributes="member: 18410"><p>I'm riding that rollercoaster again. After another week + a few days of being gone, difficult child called and asked to come home. He's ready to commit to getting help. I always told him I would help him as long as he was moving in the right direction and willing to get the help he needs. There are ground rules. I will not give him money but I will put gas in the truck so he can get back and forth to rehab. The best we can do is outpatient. There is just no residential openings at the moment. His door is never closed, he is to actively seek employment, he is to respect us and our home. He is out on bail and technically not supposed to have contact with us. (Am I a moron?) I know deep down there is a good young man in there. It's hard in a way because he was never the kid in trouble. He was good, didn't skip school, never got into trouble in school or outside of school. (Unlike his older brother, who couldn't stay out of trouble). Then all of a sudden, the drugs took over. I played hardball, but now I'm willing to give the second chance.</p><p></p><p>At the same time, am I enabling again? By providing resources that allow him to at least get to his meetings, is that wrong? He has to go to court next week. He has a public defender. I don't know what will come of that. Maybe still living in a fantasy thinking things will go back to the way they were a couple of years ago, before.....</p><p></p><p>I know he is 23 and a man. Yes by 23, I was married with a full time job and a baby. I know he has put himself into this situation. He is looking for a job. His car insurance is due in a couple of days. He has no money to pay it. If it gets cancelled, then he can't drive, can't go to his meetings (which are at night), can't look for a job, etc. Is this a catch 22? I work two jobs and my husband works nights. We sort of live in a slightly rural area. Taking the bus isn't an option. Is this making excuses? This is where I am so conflicted. On one hand, I'm angry at him for creating this situation, on the other, the mommy in me comes out.</p><p></p><p>I thought I was strong enough to hold out, but I guess I'm too new at this life. Do I have to have it thrown back in my face a few times, before I "get it"? Do we as parents "fall off the wagon" just as addicts do? I am rambling. I was really hoping I could get him into a residential program and get him off of my hands and out of my thoughts and not keep it in the family dynamic any more.</p><p></p><p>Everyone in this forum, seems so strong and capable of disconnecting. Did you have to travel over many bumps before you got there? It's so hard to talk to family. Although they all want to help, they don't really know what we're going thru. I'm in a low place today and it is consuming my thoughts and disrupting my work. That should be answer enough, right?</p><p></p><p>I've babbled enough and guess I should attempt to get some real work done. At least I got my thoughts out for now. </p><p></p><p>One day at a time.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="midatlanticdenial, post: 637567, member: 18410"] I'm riding that rollercoaster again. After another week + a few days of being gone, difficult child called and asked to come home. He's ready to commit to getting help. I always told him I would help him as long as he was moving in the right direction and willing to get the help he needs. There are ground rules. I will not give him money but I will put gas in the truck so he can get back and forth to rehab. The best we can do is outpatient. There is just no residential openings at the moment. His door is never closed, he is to actively seek employment, he is to respect us and our home. He is out on bail and technically not supposed to have contact with us. (Am I a moron?) I know deep down there is a good young man in there. It's hard in a way because he was never the kid in trouble. He was good, didn't skip school, never got into trouble in school or outside of school. (Unlike his older brother, who couldn't stay out of trouble). Then all of a sudden, the drugs took over. I played hardball, but now I'm willing to give the second chance. At the same time, am I enabling again? By providing resources that allow him to at least get to his meetings, is that wrong? He has to go to court next week. He has a public defender. I don't know what will come of that. Maybe still living in a fantasy thinking things will go back to the way they were a couple of years ago, before..... I know he is 23 and a man. Yes by 23, I was married with a full time job and a baby. I know he has put himself into this situation. He is looking for a job. His car insurance is due in a couple of days. He has no money to pay it. If it gets cancelled, then he can't drive, can't go to his meetings (which are at night), can't look for a job, etc. Is this a catch 22? I work two jobs and my husband works nights. We sort of live in a slightly rural area. Taking the bus isn't an option. Is this making excuses? This is where I am so conflicted. On one hand, I'm angry at him for creating this situation, on the other, the mommy in me comes out. I thought I was strong enough to hold out, but I guess I'm too new at this life. Do I have to have it thrown back in my face a few times, before I "get it"? Do we as parents "fall off the wagon" just as addicts do? I am rambling. I was really hoping I could get him into a residential program and get him off of my hands and out of my thoughts and not keep it in the family dynamic any more. Everyone in this forum, seems so strong and capable of disconnecting. Did you have to travel over many bumps before you got there? It's so hard to talk to family. Although they all want to help, they don't really know what we're going thru. I'm in a low place today and it is consuming my thoughts and disrupting my work. That should be answer enough, right? I've babbled enough and guess I should attempt to get some real work done. At least I got my thoughts out for now. One day at a time..... [/QUOTE]
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