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Parent Emeritus
Today was hard for me, but maybe I make it hard on myself
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 639717" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I am so sorry you are going through this.It is always hard to deal with famly dysfunction of which I experienced plenty.</p><p></p><p>Divorce is really, really hard and often it splits families, even grown kids. You are not the first one I've heard similar stories from. One grown kid, who still loves both parents, decides that the fault is yours. Obviously that doesn't mean it is your fault. She is choosing to see it that way and to punish you not only for leaving her father, who may be moaning and complaining about you in her ear, but to refuse to acknowledge your spouse because in her eyes he is her father's replacement. She is obviously not thinking about your happiness and it is very sad that she is choosing such low contact.</p><p></p><p>Besides talking to her, which I'm sure you've tried, the best advice I can give you is to enjoy your SO and have wonderful golden-years. You can not control what your daughter does, but you can make a decision not to allow it to ruin your and your husband's lives. Is it fair? I truly don't think so. I think it's mean. But you can't change her or the situation or who she believes or sides with and thinking about it while not enjoying the best years of your life to the fullest doesn't change anything.</p><p></p><p>Obviously none of us can tell you how to change her, but we know that it is a good thing to take care of YOU and those loved ones you have who are respectful of you. Today is the first day of the rest of your life (I love that saying). Make it a great one. In the end, it is up to us, not others, to make us happy.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is not being very nice. But you can't control her. I'm really sorry about it though. It's a nasty tactic, but not as uncommon as you may think...</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting heart. Private therapy REALLY helped me when one child we adopted at age six decided we weren't his family anymore. It was heartwrenching, and I don't know how I'd have done it without my excellent psychologist.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 639717, member: 1550"] Hi there. I am so sorry you are going through this.It is always hard to deal with famly dysfunction of which I experienced plenty. Divorce is really, really hard and often it splits families, even grown kids. You are not the first one I've heard similar stories from. One grown kid, who still loves both parents, decides that the fault is yours. Obviously that doesn't mean it is your fault. She is choosing to see it that way and to punish you not only for leaving her father, who may be moaning and complaining about you in her ear, but to refuse to acknowledge your spouse because in her eyes he is her father's replacement. She is obviously not thinking about your happiness and it is very sad that she is choosing such low contact. Besides talking to her, which I'm sure you've tried, the best advice I can give you is to enjoy your SO and have wonderful golden-years. You can not control what your daughter does, but you can make a decision not to allow it to ruin your and your husband's lives. Is it fair? I truly don't think so. I think it's mean. But you can't change her or the situation or who she believes or sides with and thinking about it while not enjoying the best years of your life to the fullest doesn't change anything. Obviously none of us can tell you how to change her, but we know that it is a good thing to take care of YOU and those loved ones you have who are respectful of you. Today is the first day of the rest of your life (I love that saying). Make it a great one. In the end, it is up to us, not others, to make us happy. Your daughter is not being very nice. But you can't control her. I'm really sorry about it though. It's a nasty tactic, but not as uncommon as you may think... Hugs for your hurting heart. Private therapy REALLY helped me when one child we adopted at age six decided we weren't his family anymore. It was heartwrenching, and I don't know how I'd have done it without my excellent psychologist. [/QUOTE]
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Today was hard for me, but maybe I make it hard on myself
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