Tomorrow is Family Day at Justin's Residential Treatment Center (RTC)

[DavidWH]

Another month has gone by .. wow . Question for you

I get to see my boy in the AM our family day is 10am to 4pm -

He (the last time I talked to him) asked me in the last seconds of the phone call... "Dont forget to bring Grammy" I could say nothing else when it is their time to hang up they have to hang up no matter what.

Well I have brought her to all buy one family day's 3 of the 4 I have had so far. And I know she wants to come agian - however I had told her prior to the phone call I would be going alone this time so I could have some alone time with Justin, she was OK with it, but of course I could hear the disapointment in her voice.

She does not know he said what he said on the phone, my thinking process was, yes it is nice you get to spend time with your Grammy, however I do not get time that I want, no alone time the time while she is there is them on each other her trying to please every second of his time, and him accepting it. So it makes it hard for me to get time with him and just enjoy his presence or try to talk..

So do I disapoint him and explain it is daddy/son day or do all I can to make him happy.. I do not want him thinking what he says goes just because Dad misses him... I have already not bought things he wants for the camp... just because other boys may have the item.. (yea even name brands mean something in the woods!! uggg)

I got the word he want me to make sugar cookies AGAIN - I had to tell him not sure about that we will see, been racking my brain all night last night about what I should bring, (all parents bring a dish for lunch) - Oh well it is the least of my worries...

 

[timer lady]

David,

You're the parent here; you get to set the parameters of the visit. If you want to spend time alone with your son you should do so.

That doesn't mean that your difficult child won't be disappointed or that Grammy won't be as well.

However, part of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) experience is for our difficult children to learn to accept adult's decisions. This could, at the very least, be a pleasant decision to accept.

 

[nvts]

Hi David! Good morning!

I would consider this on the Grammy subject: Which would she prefer: time with him this weekend or time with him on Christmas (didn't you say that he's coming home for the day?). I'd check with her an see which she'd prefer. That lets her know that you care about her feelings, but Justin is the priority.

Bring the sugar cookies - it's Christmas time - all the parents will be bringing holiday stuff, and he'll want to feel special.

Hmmmm. A dish for lunch. Is it to share with the whole group or is it just for you and Justin? Considering budget right now, I'd say if it's just for you two, I'd bet some Kentucky Fried Chicken or other "fast food" would probably be welcome right now (teenagers!)! :rofl:

Seriously, I think I'd go the "what would he miss the most and can I get it there without spilling in the car".

Have a great time!

Hugs!
Beth

:xmasdec:

 

[meowbunny]

Maybe it is time to set some parameters. One month is strictly a father/son visit, the next is "family." The one-on-one time is crucial. You two need to be able to get to know each other without the outside world intruding. You need to have some laughs and some tears, some heart-to-heart conversations, some just plain fun together. You can't do this with someone else along.

David, don't count on his being able to come home for Christmas. I did that with my daughter and was absolutely devastated when it turned out she couldn't because she'd gone down in levels. Unless this camp says he can go matter what, be prepared to be disappointed.

As to what to bring, I'd definitely bring the sugar cookies. It sounds like they are important to him. As to a dish, it really does depend if it is for just the two of you or for the group. If it's for the group, salad is always good. A couple of huge subs cut into 2-inch sandwiches works. Deviled eggs are always popular. Heck, chips and salsa works well, too.

 

[DavidWH]

Yes, I agree thanks.. I feel it is time Dad/Justin had time alone... with- no one else to please. So it will be....

OK Sugar cookies it is.. he loves how I put the iceing in all different colors on and way too much... Thanksgiving he said all the camp counselors took all the cookies that night and ate them all while the kids slept.. he was not happy about that!

Lunch, yea we have to bring enough for the group of kids and the parents... kinda rough when your not working.. but I will figure it out, like the sub idea... Subway I hope is open in the AM hmm

Well off to my first day of work... Finally a smile on my face :smile:

Thank you

 

[Hound dog]

David

Good luck with your first day of work! :thumb:

As for the meal dish, can it be a dessert or salad? You could make a jello fruit salad.... some cherry jello made with fruitcocktail. It's yummy and cheap to make.

Hugs

 

[meowbunny]

Or lots and lots of sugar cookies!

 

[DDD]

I don't know what your relationship is with Grammy but if it is
pleasant, I would suggest that you might want to ask her to write
a note for you to take to him. She could comfortably say that she cares, that she is hoping to see him soon and (if you all are
tight..lol) that it is a good thing for him to visit just with his Dad this month. I tend to think that the ideal concept is
a loving united front as opposed to the more confrontational concept of "I say..therefore it is." With many difficult children that is the
fast track to a head to head butting contest.

Hope works goes great. Ummm...cookies. They are NOT on my diet!
DDD

 

[DavidWH]

Hi.. just got home from first day at work.. still smiling!!

And I got a letter from my Boogie.. (u will all learn about that name eventually)



5 Things I did today to earn my Christmas Pass

1. accept not getting my GM. (next level)

2. didn't argue about not getting to call my topic.

3. Stayed in school and got a lot of assignments done.

4. Made my tta important and follow through with it to earn time.

5. Did not have a mini-shutdown or argue with staff about anything.

You will understand this in the next letter you get.

Love you
Your boogie


I typed it exactly how he wrote it.. I have pride beeeeeming from ear to ear.. now I will go and gloute (sp?)

 

[meowbunny]

Amazing what a little incentive (like Xmas at home) will do! That doesn't mean he won't blow it next week but at least for today you know he's trying.

by the way -- If I were you, I'd simply bring chips and dip for tomorrow. You have a distinct advantage -- you're male. Not that much expected of you guys. lol

And how was your first day on the job?

 

[DDD]

How wonderful that your work day made you smile and the note made you smile wider. You're going to get through this painful
time if you take it "one day at a time" AND remember to repeat
the Serenity Prayer. I'm smiling for you this morning! DDD

 

[DavidWH]

Just in from being with my Justin, folks I want to again thank you for the words not just to me but all the post I have spent hours upon hours reading...

My Son has grown so much yet has so much more to go... one of those happy sad kinda things...

I do not have much strenght to go into alot I think I will be just chilling in front of the tube this eve...

I bet everyone though can know what I mean about your child being out of the home and when your with them and they are being so well behaved you just can not get close enough to them...

4 months gone he has made some great progress, even said he is proud of himself, as he should be... thinks however this means.. OK time to come home, I can deal with it Daddy... wow how hard that two hour conversation was to have... I thank God a child m Son is close to that has been in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) longer and going home Jan. 1 came along to hang out with us... gave Justin some good peer to peer advice, crazy thing.. he said some stuff in words I wish I could have said to clear up what Daddy was trying to say... Amazing..

Have a great weekend all of you

 

[DDD]

Yes, there is an isolation that comes from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) experience
and in my humble opinion it is a step preparing the parents for the actual true
goal of parenting. Our job is to protect and nurture our kids
so that they can leave home and function alone as adults. The
transition in thinking is difficult and sometimes sad. You're not prepared to send him off and you're not prepared to be alone
yourself. It takes soul searching and faith. Since I'm older than your Mom, I'm sending you a caring hug as you rehash your
day and try to do it substance free. Hug! DDD