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Tons of mixed feelings and questions
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 540490" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>No one can tell you how you should feel. You are feeling, what you are feeling and there isn't that much you can do to that. You can however choose how you behave and what you do to those feelings. I'm not a great fan of holding the grudge or self-pity and while I occasionally entertain myself with exercising both of those occupations nothing good seems to come out of either. So my advice would be to try to look forward. </p><p></p><p>To be honest: I find it unlikely you parents did leave your disability without proper treatment for malice. Neither your teachers. It is much more likely, they simply didn't know better. That of course doesn't make your suffering any less, but it is something you should keep in mind.</p><p></p><p>Then again, you had a disability that made your life very hard. That is certainly not your fault. And I applaud how well you have managed.</p><p></p><p>You know your parents best and which level you can talk about the matter with them. But instead of accusations it could be beneficial for your relationship and future happiness to own up your part of all of it. NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) made your life hard but it didn't take away your choices. You most likely knew at times you were making wrong choices. The right choice may have felt too difficult to make and I get that, but still you have to own also the bad choices. It doesn't mean you would be minimizing the effects NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) has had on your life. But NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) didn't cheat or threw temper tantrums, you did. You need to own up that - and after that forgive yourself. People make mistakes, your parents do, you do, your teachers do, if you have kids one day, they will too. Forgiving and living on is a key. </p><p></p><p>If you feel like it, it could be good for your relationship with your parents to apologize your part on this. Tell them you are sorry you caused them so much stress and that you made some mistakes. Tell them that your new understanding of your disability helps you not to make similar mistakes in future. Tell them that you did really try as a kid, but it was very hard for you. They may take it as they choose to, but important part is, that you learn to forgive for yourself and also others and let go and live on.</p><p></p><p>I certainly do sympathise with you. That kind of disability is hard and you have had to overcome a lot. I also have somewhat comparable situation with my son. He was severely bullied as a kid, so severely it caused him PTSD. And he was very difficult kid to parent, and still as a young adult is. I didn't hurt him on purpose but my actions have ended up hurting him. I feel very guilty for that, but there is nothing I can do to change those things or take the hurt away. My kid has also made some very wrong choices. And while now knowing about bullying explains some of them, it doesn't excuse them or mean he doesn't have to own up those mistakes, deal with them, learn from them and live on. I can't do that for him, but for his own life, that is very, very important for him to do.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry if I come off harsh. That is not my meaning and I do really feel for you and admire how hard you have worked with your disability.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 540490, member: 14557"] No one can tell you how you should feel. You are feeling, what you are feeling and there isn't that much you can do to that. You can however choose how you behave and what you do to those feelings. I'm not a great fan of holding the grudge or self-pity and while I occasionally entertain myself with exercising both of those occupations nothing good seems to come out of either. So my advice would be to try to look forward. To be honest: I find it unlikely you parents did leave your disability without proper treatment for malice. Neither your teachers. It is much more likely, they simply didn't know better. That of course doesn't make your suffering any less, but it is something you should keep in mind. Then again, you had a disability that made your life very hard. That is certainly not your fault. And I applaud how well you have managed. You know your parents best and which level you can talk about the matter with them. But instead of accusations it could be beneficial for your relationship and future happiness to own up your part of all of it. NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) made your life hard but it didn't take away your choices. You most likely knew at times you were making wrong choices. The right choice may have felt too difficult to make and I get that, but still you have to own also the bad choices. It doesn't mean you would be minimizing the effects NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) has had on your life. But NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) didn't cheat or threw temper tantrums, you did. You need to own up that - and after that forgive yourself. People make mistakes, your parents do, you do, your teachers do, if you have kids one day, they will too. Forgiving and living on is a key. If you feel like it, it could be good for your relationship with your parents to apologize your part on this. Tell them you are sorry you caused them so much stress and that you made some mistakes. Tell them that your new understanding of your disability helps you not to make similar mistakes in future. Tell them that you did really try as a kid, but it was very hard for you. They may take it as they choose to, but important part is, that you learn to forgive for yourself and also others and let go and live on. I certainly do sympathise with you. That kind of disability is hard and you have had to overcome a lot. I also have somewhat comparable situation with my son. He was severely bullied as a kid, so severely it caused him PTSD. And he was very difficult kid to parent, and still as a young adult is. I didn't hurt him on purpose but my actions have ended up hurting him. I feel very guilty for that, but there is nothing I can do to change those things or take the hurt away. My kid has also made some very wrong choices. And while now knowing about bullying explains some of them, it doesn't excuse them or mean he doesn't have to own up those mistakes, deal with them, learn from them and live on. I can't do that for him, but for his own life, that is very, very important for him to do. I'm sorry if I come off harsh. That is not my meaning and I do really feel for you and admire how hard you have worked with your disability. [/QUOTE]
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