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General Parenting
Tons of mixed feelings and questions
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 540570" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>First of all, welcome to the board <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Now, keep in mind this is my opinion based on my experiences. You said:</p><p></p><p></p><p>My son Travis has a similar issue (along with many others). He wasn't diagnosed for this until age 15 or so. But even with an actual visual disability people could <strong>see</strong> that he had.........school / other people don't get it. It's a rather tough one to understand or even empathize with no experience / education to draw from. To myself and others, it appeared that Travis simply wouldn't apply himself. Now I caught on something was wrong around 3-4th grade because he would cooperate and sit at the table for homework......but 2 hours later nothing would be done, not even filling in his name......unless I had stopped and helped him (read through the question/instructions) and even if I'd helped him......it was only what I helped him with. And when I'd ask him why he'd sat there doing nothing for 2 hours he'd just break down and cry and tell me he was stupid. Well......the kid could take apart and put back together a VCR, I knew he wasn't the least bit stupid. When we found the right Neuro it was explained to us....and it made sense. But the school never did "get it" and he never did get the help he needed for it until we sent him to a technical school at age 16. His self confidence was so low that during his teen years his doctor recommended an IQ test. He scored genius. Now that helped because when we tried to explained to him what much of the issue was he'd always shut us off saying he was just dumb.....so it let us be able to explain to him many of his dxes that he would never listen to before. (and it didn't help that his older sister was a 4.0 student either)</p><p></p><p>But frankly.......this learning disorder is not easy to spot because the child learns ways to muck up the waters. Not intentionally.......they're just trying to adapt and cope....but it does muck up the water when you're unsure what or if there is a problem. And I'll say right here, I am medically trained and have had extensive experience with children.....and I totally didn't have a clue what the problem was because to me it didn't make sense. It was the neuro (a new one we saw for a 2nd opinion about something else) that explained it to ME along with some other issues and then I had my A Ha moment.</p><p></p><p>Youngest daughter was diagnosed with severe dyslexia at age 14-15, I'd unofficially diagnosed her at age 8 (it was blatantly obvious). She went through school thinking she was dumb no matter what I did to counter it, even after her official diagnosis. It was several years and some maturity later that she began to understand it was the dyslexia, not her intelligence. And as you can see, she was a difficult child as a kid.</p><p></p><p>If it were me, I'd offer an apology to your parents and sit down and talk to them about it. Honestly? They may not even have picked up on the fact that there was such a problem going on. It doesn't make them bad parents or uncaring parents......it just means they missed it. Parents are just as human as anyone else. And odds are, they already feel bad for not having seen the problem. </p><p></p><p>My kids and I talk about this stuff all the time. Their feelings are real and important and it helps them to get them out.</p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 540570, member: 84"] First of all, welcome to the board :) Now, keep in mind this is my opinion based on my experiences. You said: My son Travis has a similar issue (along with many others). He wasn't diagnosed for this until age 15 or so. But even with an actual visual disability people could [B]see[/B] that he had.........school / other people don't get it. It's a rather tough one to understand or even empathize with no experience / education to draw from. To myself and others, it appeared that Travis simply wouldn't apply himself. Now I caught on something was wrong around 3-4th grade because he would cooperate and sit at the table for homework......but 2 hours later nothing would be done, not even filling in his name......unless I had stopped and helped him (read through the question/instructions) and even if I'd helped him......it was only what I helped him with. And when I'd ask him why he'd sat there doing nothing for 2 hours he'd just break down and cry and tell me he was stupid. Well......the kid could take apart and put back together a VCR, I knew he wasn't the least bit stupid. When we found the right Neuro it was explained to us....and it made sense. But the school never did "get it" and he never did get the help he needed for it until we sent him to a technical school at age 16. His self confidence was so low that during his teen years his doctor recommended an IQ test. He scored genius. Now that helped because when we tried to explained to him what much of the issue was he'd always shut us off saying he was just dumb.....so it let us be able to explain to him many of his dxes that he would never listen to before. (and it didn't help that his older sister was a 4.0 student either) But frankly.......this learning disorder is not easy to spot because the child learns ways to muck up the waters. Not intentionally.......they're just trying to adapt and cope....but it does muck up the water when you're unsure what or if there is a problem. And I'll say right here, I am medically trained and have had extensive experience with children.....and I totally didn't have a clue what the problem was because to me it didn't make sense. It was the neuro (a new one we saw for a 2nd opinion about something else) that explained it to ME along with some other issues and then I had my A Ha moment. Youngest daughter was diagnosed with severe dyslexia at age 14-15, I'd unofficially diagnosed her at age 8 (it was blatantly obvious). She went through school thinking she was dumb no matter what I did to counter it, even after her official diagnosis. It was several years and some maturity later that she began to understand it was the dyslexia, not her intelligence. And as you can see, she was a difficult child as a kid. If it were me, I'd offer an apology to your parents and sit down and talk to them about it. Honestly? They may not even have picked up on the fact that there was such a problem going on. It doesn't make them bad parents or uncaring parents......it just means they missed it. Parents are just as human as anyone else. And odds are, they already feel bad for not having seen the problem. My kids and I talk about this stuff all the time. Their feelings are real and important and it helps them to get them out. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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