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Tons of mixed feelings and questions
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 540575" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I have to applaud you for even addressing these issues at your age. You had a disability which severely impacted your young life. Because of your own commitment and strength and resolve you have overcome most of it. Now on the other side, without all the symptoms and trauma, you are able to see reality differently. It appears you have compassion for your parents. There is a lot of water under the bridge and at this point, since it is concerning you, seems like a good place to begin the journey of straight communication, forgiveness, acceptance and letting go. </p><p></p><p>Speaking from my own point of view as someone who is from a family of severe mental illnesses which were not diagnosed in my parents nor my siblings for a long time, and having a daughter with mental issues, I completely understand your feelings. There is a lot to work through, there are so many feelings, many conflicting and difficult to verbalize and really get. I'm of the opinion that each of us does the best we can with what we've got. Having said that doesn't mean we always do the best thing for everyone concerned. And, there is always room for making amends. We're flawed, each one of us. We're human, we make mistakes and we don't listen and we believe we're right. It took a lot of therapy for me to uncover my true feelings and then find a way to forgive my parents and forgive myself. You have guilts and angers appropriate to the situation, but which do not serve you. You seem like a person who wants to get to the bottom of this and then let it go. I am that way too. You are already addressing the issues by writing about them here and listening to what we all have to say. You found a good place to vent and learn. You are on the path of self understanding and like many of us here, learning to let go of what we have no control over and do something with the rest. The distinction is often difficult to figure out, but you are making the attempt. Communication is the key, in my opinion. It opens the doors to find out how the other person really felt. Your parents likely have their own guilt which may prevent them, unwittingly, from really hearing you. That doesn't mean what you have to say isn't valuable and important and your truth, it is, but they may have their own experience which you are not privy to. </p><p></p><p>Regardless of what your parents can understand, hear, talk about or understand about your experience, you, as an adult now, will have to find your way through and out of this for yourself. If they hear you and the lines of communication open up and you all accept and forgive, that would be wonderful. That isn't always how it goes though. You seem as if you have a strong intention to resolve this for yourself, and that intention will bring the teachers, helpers, information and what it is you need, to bring you the peace and internal acceptance you desire. </p><p></p><p>You've been through a lot. You made it through such a difficult childhood. Now you are here, in a different place because of who you are and your willingness to find your own way. Regardless of anything else, that is a huge accomplishment against great odds, I hope you really can overcome your negative feelings and see the remarkable positives, which YOU created.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 540575, member: 13542"] I have to applaud you for even addressing these issues at your age. You had a disability which severely impacted your young life. Because of your own commitment and strength and resolve you have overcome most of it. Now on the other side, without all the symptoms and trauma, you are able to see reality differently. It appears you have compassion for your parents. There is a lot of water under the bridge and at this point, since it is concerning you, seems like a good place to begin the journey of straight communication, forgiveness, acceptance and letting go. Speaking from my own point of view as someone who is from a family of severe mental illnesses which were not diagnosed in my parents nor my siblings for a long time, and having a daughter with mental issues, I completely understand your feelings. There is a lot to work through, there are so many feelings, many conflicting and difficult to verbalize and really get. I'm of the opinion that each of us does the best we can with what we've got. Having said that doesn't mean we always do the best thing for everyone concerned. And, there is always room for making amends. We're flawed, each one of us. We're human, we make mistakes and we don't listen and we believe we're right. It took a lot of therapy for me to uncover my true feelings and then find a way to forgive my parents and forgive myself. You have guilts and angers appropriate to the situation, but which do not serve you. You seem like a person who wants to get to the bottom of this and then let it go. I am that way too. You are already addressing the issues by writing about them here and listening to what we all have to say. You found a good place to vent and learn. You are on the path of self understanding and like many of us here, learning to let go of what we have no control over and do something with the rest. The distinction is often difficult to figure out, but you are making the attempt. Communication is the key, in my opinion. It opens the doors to find out how the other person really felt. Your parents likely have their own guilt which may prevent them, unwittingly, from really hearing you. That doesn't mean what you have to say isn't valuable and important and your truth, it is, but they may have their own experience which you are not privy to. Regardless of what your parents can understand, hear, talk about or understand about your experience, you, as an adult now, will have to find your way through and out of this for yourself. If they hear you and the lines of communication open up and you all accept and forgive, that would be wonderful. That isn't always how it goes though. You seem as if you have a strong intention to resolve this for yourself, and that intention will bring the teachers, helpers, information and what it is you need, to bring you the peace and internal acceptance you desire. You've been through a lot. You made it through such a difficult childhood. Now you are here, in a different place because of who you are and your willingness to find your own way. Regardless of anything else, that is a huge accomplishment against great odds, I hope you really can overcome your negative feelings and see the remarkable positives, which YOU created. [/QUOTE]
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