Tough Week - Need Some Shoulders to Cry on

[WearyWoman]

Gang,

I am so distraught right now. It's been a very tough week, and I'm feeling really overwhelmed and stressed. I'm so sorry that I don't post here very often and then show up periodically with some dramatic story happening in my life. I just can't seem to manage everything going on.

So far this week, my husband learned that his eye procedure failed and that he needs a serious second procedure hundreds of miles away that will hopefully fix the problem. He also found out he may have cancer, and he's going for a consult about that tomorrow.

Meanwhile, a red spot has appeared right where I had a skin cancer removed six months ago.

My mother is in the hospital recovering from a knee replacement, and I'm concerned about her.

At work, I've been assigned to a new project that is consuming a LOT of my time and energy and for which I do not have clear direction. And today, a coworker indirectly implied in her remarks that I'm not achieving success in my position generally; that she, of course, is extremely capable and competent. I am extremely hurt and angered about her comments, but I have no resources left to rise above them. She is one of those people who always seems to have something negative to say about the work everyone else is doing, except her, of course. SHE is the only person capable of performing well, apparently. She knows everything and has no need for direction or other people. I am an extremely dedicated worker, and I pour my heart and soul into my work. It's hard to hear such negativity.

Another situation also came up at work today too, so work is really stressful right now.

Of course, life doesn't stop with all of this going on, and our youngest with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) had a super tough night last night during his in-home therapy.

I'm exhausted and near to tears. Could use some support, I guess.

 

[1 Day At a Time]

WW,

I'm sending some hugs and some positive vibes your way. I hope the upcoming medical procedures go well. It's frightening and overwhelming to get so much news at once. Your feelings are understandable!

Valerie

 

[susiestar]

((((((((((hugs)))))))))) we understand.

 

[Chaosuncontained]

You know, you do have your plate full. I will be thinking of you...

 

[DDD]

Even at my age I just don't understand why problems come in threes or fours or fives. It's just not fair! I'm sorry.

Regarding the negative coworker perhaps it would help you feel better if you figure out a set response for her unwelcomed comments. Those of us with older difficult child's often had to write down and memorize a simple response to keep from getting too absorbed by GFGisms. Perhaps a single simple sentence like "the company is really lucky to have you" or "you sure have reasons to feel proud of your performance". It will deflect her, perhaps, from criticizing you if you give her the positive affirmation that she evidently really needs. Once the sentence is said, by the way, that is the end of the discussion. It's like a polite blow off. I think I'd try it.

Meanwhile I'm keeping you in my caring thoughts and hope that tomorrow is better. DDD

 

[BusynMember]

Hey, from one who knows...sometimes it doesn't hurt to have a therapist who can help you through the bad spots. Do you take care of yourself enough to have one? ((Hugs)) I am hoping everything turns out well and send my prayers.

 

[WearyWoman]

Valerie - Thanks so much. I'm thinking that something should go right soon, because it's against the odds not to - LOL!

susiestar - I truly appreciate the cyberhugs, and need them too!

Chaosuncontained - Your screen name says it all!

DDD - Love your idea about a quick, short reply. I have difficulty being assertive, and I struggle with self esteem, so comments like that tend to get to me. Then, I find myself questioning my abilities and worth, etc. It's something I'm working on, and I think I've been making improvements, but I know my defenses are down right now.

MidwestMom - We are fortunate to have a family therapist who is also professionally trained and personally experienced with autism, so she understands our overall family stress level. I do like her a lot, and she is able to come into our home for the sessions, which is great. All of these things have happened so suddenly and after our last meeting with her. I see her tomorrow morning, so I am looking forward to that. I'm not holding it together very well right now.

 

[Wiped Out]

Hugs, WW, I'm sorry things are so rough right now and that you have so much going on. Others have given some good idea I just want to lend you my support and a shoulder. Also since much of this is not difficult child related I'm going to move the thread to the water cooler. I'm praying things get better soon and that good health is around the corner for you and husband.

 

[katya02]

Sending support, hugs, and warm thoughts too. So often it seems that life hits us from several directions at once. Sometimes taking
refuge in short, planned answers (as DDD suggests) and otherwise operating in basic mode can give you a little breathing space.

 

[Marguerite]

Beware the sociopath in the workplace. Don't get hooked into her drama. Quietly document your achievements in the workplace so you have it to hand when you need it. If you van go over co-worker's head and talk to the boss about how such remarks are damaging and destructive to morale, it might help. Have your piece of paper handy so you can demonstrate you are productive and that those remarks are purely sabotage. If the boss comments on the time you took form your work to compile your report - well, you compiled it at home. But it does show how that sort of professional undermining damages productivity. Who else has this co-worker sabotaged? And maybe boss is also in her sights?

Marg

 

[HaoZi]

*hugs*

 

[KTMom91]

Sending hugs. I understand.

 

[tiredmommy]

Sending {{{hugs}}}. Please keep us updated.

 

[graceupongrace]

Hugs to you, WW. Sometimes it all just seems overwhelming. Our shoulders are always available.

 

[busywend]

If you can see that in your coworker, chances are good others see it, too. Don't sweat it.

Sending support your way!

 

[WearyWoman]

WipedOut - You're right, I should have posted in the Watercooler Forum.

Katya02 - Yes, breaking the mess down into more manageable pieces does help reduce the feelings of being overwhelmed. I slept pretty well last night, and I do feel a bit better, although I'm anxious about my hubby's test results, which will be read today.

Marg - You are always right on when it comes to nailing the origins of psychological behaviors. Interestingly, when I was working on my master's degree, I carried out an entire research project on bullying in the workplace. So, I'm familiar with the dysfunctional personalities. You're right that it is damaging and destructive. This coworker is very part-time and has another full-time job. I work full-time at the organization, and if anything, I'm an over-achiever. Every interaction with this person I've experienced has been negative. I barely know her and do not work closely with her, but we share similar roles. From my perspective, she seems to have an arrogant, haughty attitude toward other people in general. She projects superiority and self-centeredness. I now perceive her as a toxic individual, and I hope to limit my interactions with her. I like your idea about gathering evidence of my success in the workplace, although, it is somewhat subjective in my line of work. Buswend, hope other people are able to see through her behaviors.

HaoZi, KTMom, tiredmommy, graceupongrace, and busywend - Thanks for the hugs, support and understanding.

 

[HaoZi]

Any chance she's jealous of you?

 

[Marguerite]

Probably every chance, HaoZi. It's classic undermining sabotage tactic and the targetted person is usually someone seen as a threat, or in the way somehow. Make someone else look bad, so you look better by comparison.

I worked with a bloke like that for years, plus there were other toxic people in that workplace. Finally I outlasted them, but it took its toll. I was vindicated when they left because suddenly everything began to run smoothly and our workplace became friendly as well as productive.

Marg

 

[WearyWoman]

Update - Hubby's test results came back negative, which is a huge relief. My mom is home from surgery and doing alright, although she had a rough day yesterday.

Bubby seems to sense the increased stress level and has regressed to some behaviors we haven't seen in a while. I hope we can move past this soon.

As for work, I still feel worked up about it. While I know this individual is just wrong in what she stated, I have lingering fears that she will sabotage or bad-mouth my work results going forward. Like I said, I don't know her well, but given the few negative interactions I've had with her, I am left to wonder what will unfold in the future. It's hard enough balancing life without this going on. I guess it's time to put together a work success portfolio, as you mentioned. I struggle with self esteem issues, so not taking this personally is a real challenge. If anyone has other suggestions for dealing with the situation, please post.

Thanks again,

Weary

 

[HaoZi]

Do you have a human resources person you can talk to about her effect on office morale?