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General Parenting
Toxic 15 year old
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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 680246" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>I'm on the same page as SWOT. As I read your post, the <em>first</em> reaction I had was... he has to be on the (autism) Spectrum somewhere. They can be very high functioning, which makes diagnosis less likely (due to attitudes of testers, not due to thresholds). They can also mask a number of different problems behind anger. Because anger is "normal" and other things are not, they become more "normal" by coping this way. Anger can also be a manifestation of depression in young men.</p><p> </p><p>This is going to sound harsh, but I say it because I've been in your shoes: <u>Assume</u> he is on the spectrum, and start figuring out how to parent a spectrum kid (which is totally different than a neurotypical kid). Part of that means that as the parent, <em>we have to learn to NOT take things personally</em>. Don't let him ramp up your emotions. He may be acting this way because it's the only effective method he has learned of accomplishing anything. It's not effective for <em>you</em>, and is not anywhere near as effective as other skills for <em>him</em>, so how can you help him learn better ways to deal with stuff.</p><p> </p><p>And then... you may be dealing with a lot more than just a spectrum kid. Age 14/15/16. I remember. Worst possible years. That's when mental illness reared its ugly head. Not the standard stuff like "anxiety" and "depression", but more complex issues like bi-polar or schizophrenia can start to show up after puberty.</p><p> </p><p>I wish I had solid "this works" kind of advice for you. I don't. We're still working through this, with very mixed success. But chances are good that you are dealing with more complexities than the so-called experts have flagged, and you will have to pull every connection and contact and approach you can think of, to get real answers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 680246, member: 11791"] I'm on the same page as SWOT. As I read your post, the [I]first[/I] reaction I had was... he has to be on the (autism) Spectrum somewhere. They can be very high functioning, which makes diagnosis less likely (due to attitudes of testers, not due to thresholds). They can also mask a number of different problems behind anger. Because anger is "normal" and other things are not, they become more "normal" by coping this way. Anger can also be a manifestation of depression in young men. This is going to sound harsh, but I say it because I've been in your shoes: [U]Assume[/U] he is on the spectrum, and start figuring out how to parent a spectrum kid (which is totally different than a neurotypical kid). Part of that means that as the parent, [I]we have to learn to NOT take things personally[/I]. Don't let him ramp up your emotions. He may be acting this way because it's the only effective method he has learned of accomplishing anything. It's not effective for [I]you[/I], and is not anywhere near as effective as other skills for [I]him[/I], so how can you help him learn better ways to deal with stuff. And then... you may be dealing with a lot more than just a spectrum kid. Age 14/15/16. I remember. Worst possible years. That's when mental illness reared its ugly head. Not the standard stuff like "anxiety" and "depression", but more complex issues like bi-polar or schizophrenia can start to show up after puberty. I wish I had solid "this works" kind of advice for you. I don't. We're still working through this, with very mixed success. But chances are good that you are dealing with more complexities than the so-called experts have flagged, and you will have to pull every connection and contact and approach you can think of, to get real answers. [/QUOTE]
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