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Trading one mess for another
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<blockquote data-quote="newstart" data-source="post: 764680" data-attributes="member: 22416"><p>Hi Copa, We have sat down and have had many conversations. He wants his relative to come down and go places with him. Even though this relative has given both of us enough grief to last a lifetime, he thinks this is very important to him. He keeps saying, 'Well, he is the least toxic of them all' as if that gives him the right to invite him. Tomorrow he goes for one of his Dr appointments. I asked him what in specific is he doing to help him from making idiotic choices and he said he is reading things on the internet, so I asked what are you reading and he said some bible things and then I said what in particular are you reading that helps you specifically with the problems we just talked about and he did not have an answer. Then he said he did not trust the internet. I told him I have received the best advice on my support group and he said he does not know where to start. I told him that if he were to get a new wife, I am positive he would know where to start. I really think I need to go to an experienced marriage counselor that can interpret what I just said. I told him that he does not hear what I am saying so I have to pay someone to tell him what I am saying because he is not listening or he is not interested or he simply does not want to grow or keep the relationship healthy. So many of his friends in the age group of 65+ are now getting divorced and at an alarming rate. Many of my friends just can't take it either. He keeps asking if I want a divorce, I said no, I want you to fix your irritating behavior and I was very specific of the changes that need to be made and these changes benefit him the most for his own life journey. If he tells me once that he does not like something or something irritates him, I mark it in my brain and take care of it RIGHT AWAY. Another weird thing is that when we get back from a long vacation together, and he gets home he reboots back to 1975 to behaviors that he worked hard at getting rid of. It all comes back. Bad habits and behaviors that do not serve him at all even if he was single and he even agrees they don't serve him.</p><p></p><p>He has been retired now for over two years. He had a stressful job where he had to use his brain the entire time. I wonder if he just wants to go into auto pilot and go into his 'nothing' box. In some of our volunteer work he still needs to use his brain. He gets enough oxygen to his brain because we both stay fit. </p><p>Sometimes I think about my daughter's life. No man at her place to give her crap. She comes and goes as she pleases. She is not tempted to eat all the time and she does not have to do anything she does not want to do. Her creepy ex wanted to eat all the time and she gained a bunch of weight. My husband is the same way and insists I eat with him eat time. Sometimes I am not hungry yet I sit at the table and eat with him. Many times I just drink a glass of water. He thinks it's terrible if I don't eat each meal with him. I remember when my mom got a divorce she said she would never remarry and never put with with another SOB as long as she lived. And she did not.</p><p></p><p>Even though we are going through a rough patch, the soul inside my husband is a good man. He is off track now but in reality he is a decent man most of the time. Thank you for listening this far. *Love*</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="newstart, post: 764680, member: 22416"] Hi Copa, We have sat down and have had many conversations. He wants his relative to come down and go places with him. Even though this relative has given both of us enough grief to last a lifetime, he thinks this is very important to him. He keeps saying, 'Well, he is the least toxic of them all' as if that gives him the right to invite him. Tomorrow he goes for one of his Dr appointments. I asked him what in specific is he doing to help him from making idiotic choices and he said he is reading things on the internet, so I asked what are you reading and he said some bible things and then I said what in particular are you reading that helps you specifically with the problems we just talked about and he did not have an answer. Then he said he did not trust the internet. I told him I have received the best advice on my support group and he said he does not know where to start. I told him that if he were to get a new wife, I am positive he would know where to start. I really think I need to go to an experienced marriage counselor that can interpret what I just said. I told him that he does not hear what I am saying so I have to pay someone to tell him what I am saying because he is not listening or he is not interested or he simply does not want to grow or keep the relationship healthy. So many of his friends in the age group of 65+ are now getting divorced and at an alarming rate. Many of my friends just can't take it either. He keeps asking if I want a divorce, I said no, I want you to fix your irritating behavior and I was very specific of the changes that need to be made and these changes benefit him the most for his own life journey. If he tells me once that he does not like something or something irritates him, I mark it in my brain and take care of it RIGHT AWAY. Another weird thing is that when we get back from a long vacation together, and he gets home he reboots back to 1975 to behaviors that he worked hard at getting rid of. It all comes back. Bad habits and behaviors that do not serve him at all even if he was single and he even agrees they don't serve him. He has been retired now for over two years. He had a stressful job where he had to use his brain the entire time. I wonder if he just wants to go into auto pilot and go into his 'nothing' box. In some of our volunteer work he still needs to use his brain. He gets enough oxygen to his brain because we both stay fit. Sometimes I think about my daughter's life. No man at her place to give her crap. She comes and goes as she pleases. She is not tempted to eat all the time and she does not have to do anything she does not want to do. Her creepy ex wanted to eat all the time and she gained a bunch of weight. My husband is the same way and insists I eat with him eat time. Sometimes I am not hungry yet I sit at the table and eat with him. Many times I just drink a glass of water. He thinks it's terrible if I don't eat each meal with him. I remember when my mom got a divorce she said she would never remarry and never put with with another SOB as long as she lived. And she did not. Even though we are going through a rough patch, the soul inside my husband is a good man. He is off track now but in reality he is a decent man most of the time. Thank you for listening this far. *Love* [/QUOTE]
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