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Substance Abuse
Troubles never end
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 685113" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Maybe you should just go ahead and pay for the rent for the month instead of getting hit with daily late charges. If you cosigned the lease, you are responsible for the rent whether it seems fair or not.</p><p></p><p>Luckily, it is rented out starting next month so you will be off the hook. Just consider it a lesson learned.</p><p></p><p>I agree with SWOT about cutting off all contact with these toxic people (including your son for the time being). If his father thinks he can fix everything, let him. He will find out soon enough that he is wrong. In the meantime, you are just setting yourself up for abuse from both of them. Your son is already trying to manipulate his father by demanding that he let the girlfriend drive the car and finding her a place to stay or he will leave rehab. Let your ex find that out the hard way.</p><p></p><p>I know you love your son but you have to put yourself first. You said that your anxiety is off the charts. Start going to meetings and find a therapist. As we have said many times, you can't change your son's behavior or his father's behavior. You can change how you react to them and what you will accept when it comes to how they treat you.</p><p></p><p>I took breaks in contact with my daughter when she was at her worst. I blocked calls and texts and deleted any voice messages before I listened to them. Your son needs to learn he can't manipulate you and that you will demand that he treats you respectfully or you will not be in contact with him. If you stick to it, he will eventually change his behavior towards you. It won't make him quit drugs but that is not something you have any control over. You do have control over how you let others treat you.</p><p></p><p>After you have made that point, you can try limited contact for a while (set a time once a week for a phone call). If he becomes abusive or manipulative, cut off contact again.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard this all is . . . {{{hugs}}}.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 685113, member: 1967"] Maybe you should just go ahead and pay for the rent for the month instead of getting hit with daily late charges. If you cosigned the lease, you are responsible for the rent whether it seems fair or not. Luckily, it is rented out starting next month so you will be off the hook. Just consider it a lesson learned. I agree with SWOT about cutting off all contact with these toxic people (including your son for the time being). If his father thinks he can fix everything, let him. He will find out soon enough that he is wrong. In the meantime, you are just setting yourself up for abuse from both of them. Your son is already trying to manipulate his father by demanding that he let the girlfriend drive the car and finding her a place to stay or he will leave rehab. Let your ex find that out the hard way. I know you love your son but you have to put yourself first. You said that your anxiety is off the charts. Start going to meetings and find a therapist. As we have said many times, you can't change your son's behavior or his father's behavior. You can change how you react to them and what you will accept when it comes to how they treat you. I took breaks in contact with my daughter when she was at her worst. I blocked calls and texts and deleted any voice messages before I listened to them. Your son needs to learn he can't manipulate you and that you will demand that he treats you respectfully or you will not be in contact with him. If you stick to it, he will eventually change his behavior towards you. It won't make him quit drugs but that is not something you have any control over. You do have control over how you let others treat you. After you have made that point, you can try limited contact for a while (set a time once a week for a phone call). If he becomes abusive or manipulative, cut off contact again. I know how hard this all is . . . {{{hugs}}}. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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Troubles never end
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