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Substance Abuse
trying to salvage what i have left
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 474968" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi and welcome! </p><p></p><p>First off - it sounds like the place you sent her really didn't try very hard. I didn't read through the other responses - but THREE WHOLE WEEKS and everyone sent her back huh? (forgive my sarcasm, but I have undergarments older than three weeks) and you're talking about a kid that is ANGRY, really really angry - and she's not even sure where to direct that anger! I mean her Mother abandoned her, her Dad has to work - and now her Dad has found love and a new kid - and WOW - that's a LOT of anger....a LOT...and add to that mix that there may possibly be some co-morbids of mental illness on top of that (or she could be mis-diagnosed as a BiPolar (BP) and getting incorrect medications for BiPolar (BP) that are making her even more angry) and I say that because if she is NOT really BiPolar (BP) and getting medications for it? WOW - yeah - cocktail for disaster there. Add in a few raging teen hormones and lack of ability for empathy because she's just confused and emo.......and you've got a a time bomb. </p><p></p><p>NOT for your lack of excellent job there Dad - I mean there are ONLY so many hours in the day - Lord knows. And you deserve to be happy. Plus what fiance walks into this kind of a mess and goes - OH JOY - I love THIS I want to stay with you!!?? Yeah----well she should. You two are a package deal - and emo girl (your daughter) needs to realize 1.) YOU are not trading her for fiance and her kid 2.) No matter what shennanigans SHEpulls....Fiance isn't running off and leaving YOU....for it to be JUST YOU AND HER AGAINST THE WORLD like it's always been where she can RULE the world.....as the house only female. 3.) You dind't ship her off.......so that could happen and 4.) ALL of you need to realize this is NOT going to go away and ALL of you need to get into counseling NOW so you can get on the same page and get a game plan, learn the rules of the house, and figure out where you ALL GO TOGETHER from here. PERIOD - no excuses. ALL GO TOGETHER. </p><p></p><p>Therapy is going to be the salvation from all the madness here my man. Talk it out----blow the roof off, discuss behind closed doors and work it ! As far as her not taking medications? Well - she's angry. You're angry, fiance is angry.....You got a house full of angry - and the little one? Stressed to the hilt right now. (do NOT get a pet). lol. </p><p></p><p>I would start with you and Fiance going to see a therapist and or anger management person and get some strategies going........find out HOW to deal with the daughter and get some effective communication and dialogue going - and find out what ARE good parenting techniques to use for rewards and consequences -and how to NOT loose your cool so that when you WANT to - Which is what she wants you to do and expect you to do? YOU DO NOT and it throws her game off - catches her off guard and YOU win and edge over her.....</p><p></p><p>The more edges you win? The better off you gain.....and on and on.....and evenutallyyou start talking ----moving up...then you talk medicine and her therapy.....you come off smarter, win trust.....go from there. </p><p></p><p>Honest ------it takes years...not weeks........and it will save her .......and you from a life time of heart ache .......and keep your fiance or not. If she's not on board now? she'll never be....and not worth keeping. All in or all out. Because YOU have to be the constant in the daughters life. You are all she has had from day one. </p><p></p><p>Take care - </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 474968, member: 4964"] Hi and welcome! First off - it sounds like the place you sent her really didn't try very hard. I didn't read through the other responses - but THREE WHOLE WEEKS and everyone sent her back huh? (forgive my sarcasm, but I have undergarments older than three weeks) and you're talking about a kid that is ANGRY, really really angry - and she's not even sure where to direct that anger! I mean her Mother abandoned her, her Dad has to work - and now her Dad has found love and a new kid - and WOW - that's a LOT of anger....a LOT...and add to that mix that there may possibly be some co-morbids of mental illness on top of that (or she could be mis-diagnosed as a BiPolar (BP) and getting incorrect medications for BiPolar (BP) that are making her even more angry) and I say that because if she is NOT really BiPolar (BP) and getting medications for it? WOW - yeah - cocktail for disaster there. Add in a few raging teen hormones and lack of ability for empathy because she's just confused and emo.......and you've got a a time bomb. NOT for your lack of excellent job there Dad - I mean there are ONLY so many hours in the day - Lord knows. And you deserve to be happy. Plus what fiance walks into this kind of a mess and goes - OH JOY - I love THIS I want to stay with you!!?? Yeah----well she should. You two are a package deal - and emo girl (your daughter) needs to realize 1.) YOU are not trading her for fiance and her kid 2.) No matter what shennanigans SHEpulls....Fiance isn't running off and leaving YOU....for it to be JUST YOU AND HER AGAINST THE WORLD like it's always been where she can RULE the world.....as the house only female. 3.) You dind't ship her off.......so that could happen and 4.) ALL of you need to realize this is NOT going to go away and ALL of you need to get into counseling NOW so you can get on the same page and get a game plan, learn the rules of the house, and figure out where you ALL GO TOGETHER from here. PERIOD - no excuses. ALL GO TOGETHER. Therapy is going to be the salvation from all the madness here my man. Talk it out----blow the roof off, discuss behind closed doors and work it ! As far as her not taking medications? Well - she's angry. You're angry, fiance is angry.....You got a house full of angry - and the little one? Stressed to the hilt right now. (do NOT get a pet). lol. I would start with you and Fiance going to see a therapist and or anger management person and get some strategies going........find out HOW to deal with the daughter and get some effective communication and dialogue going - and find out what ARE good parenting techniques to use for rewards and consequences -and how to NOT loose your cool so that when you WANT to - Which is what she wants you to do and expect you to do? YOU DO NOT and it throws her game off - catches her off guard and YOU win and edge over her..... The more edges you win? The better off you gain.....and on and on.....and evenutallyyou start talking ----moving up...then you talk medicine and her therapy.....you come off smarter, win trust.....go from there. Honest ------it takes years...not weeks........and it will save her .......and you from a life time of heart ache .......and keep your fiance or not. If she's not on board now? she'll never be....and not worth keeping. All in or all out. Because YOU have to be the constant in the daughters life. You are all she has had from day one. Take care - Star [/QUOTE]
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