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Substance Abuse
trying to salvage what i have left
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 476819" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm wondering if things got worse when fiance and the k ids moved in. Those are hard changes for a troubled kid. Heck, that is difficult for a "typical" kid. Now she has not only other unrelated kids in the house, but your new child. Think about it...a new fiance (supposed mother figure) and THREE step sisters? Plus YOUR new baby? That in my opinion is just so much to throw at this child. How long ago did this fiance become a part of her life? When did she move in?</p><p></p><p>Your daughter's mother has already abandoned her...to drugs. Does she like your fiance or resent her? Does stepmother act as an authority figure? If I were you, I'd tell fiance that you will parent her yourself and that she can be a friend, but not a disciplinarian. No point in making her the evil stepmother. My hub had to be a friend to my kids when we first got married. They did not want to listen to him...they did not consider him their father...they had a father. It worked out a lot better that way. Ex and I parented them and he just was there for them in a friendly way. How does your daughter like having three step sisters? How old are they? How does she feel about the baby?</p><p></p><p>It is kind of asking too much in my opinion for friends to take in your disturbed child. in my opinion it was a bad idea and I'm not surprised it didn't work. These kids are too difficult. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) may be the only way to go. Now that there are other children to think about, it isn't good for them to see her acting like she is. Yes, you have to chose between fiance and her kids, unless fiance is very committed, or your children. You can not lose your baby. Fiance has to allow you visitation rights. You can only lose your fiance and her children and that is something you may have to do...or maybe she is loving enough to understand and hang in there. I agree that counseling for all is a must. </p><p></p><p>Also, I think it would be a good idea to go to Al-Anon or Narc-Anon to get some great advice from those also in the trenches. You can pick up a lot at those meetings and also get help for yourself. </p><p></p><p>I hope things get better. Please keep us posted. We do care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 476819, member: 1550"] I'm wondering if things got worse when fiance and the k ids moved in. Those are hard changes for a troubled kid. Heck, that is difficult for a "typical" kid. Now she has not only other unrelated kids in the house, but your new child. Think about it...a new fiance (supposed mother figure) and THREE step sisters? Plus YOUR new baby? That in my opinion is just so much to throw at this child. How long ago did this fiance become a part of her life? When did she move in? Your daughter's mother has already abandoned her...to drugs. Does she like your fiance or resent her? Does stepmother act as an authority figure? If I were you, I'd tell fiance that you will parent her yourself and that she can be a friend, but not a disciplinarian. No point in making her the evil stepmother. My hub had to be a friend to my kids when we first got married. They did not want to listen to him...they did not consider him their father...they had a father. It worked out a lot better that way. Ex and I parented them and he just was there for them in a friendly way. How does your daughter like having three step sisters? How old are they? How does she feel about the baby? It is kind of asking too much in my opinion for friends to take in your disturbed child. in my opinion it was a bad idea and I'm not surprised it didn't work. These kids are too difficult. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) may be the only way to go. Now that there are other children to think about, it isn't good for them to see her acting like she is. Yes, you have to chose between fiance and her kids, unless fiance is very committed, or your children. You can not lose your baby. Fiance has to allow you visitation rights. You can only lose your fiance and her children and that is something you may have to do...or maybe she is loving enough to understand and hang in there. I agree that counseling for all is a must. Also, I think it would be a good idea to go to Al-Anon or Narc-Anon to get some great advice from those also in the trenches. You can pick up a lot at those meetings and also get help for yourself. I hope things get better. Please keep us posted. We do care. [/QUOTE]
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