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turning grg over to the state and child support payments
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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 516750" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>Welcome notsohappy and so sorry you have to be here. We have been through this exact senario. Our daughter was raped by 3 men when she was 13. We did not know until she was placed in her first Residential Treatment Center (RTC). We depleated our savings and an annuity and got some help from our church. We had tried everything-medications, many counselors, school change, psychiatric-hospital stays, activities, you name it. She was sexually acting out, smoking pot, running away, messing with gang members and not doing well in school. She was not safe. She was there for 18 months and was worse than ever when she got out. Though they had diagnosed her with PTSD-they had not treated this with any proven trauma therapy. </p><p></p><p>She began acting out again and running for days at a time. She was unable to make sober, normal friends and horrible rumors circulated at school about her. She had to be placed in an Alt. high school where she attended a total of 3 days out of 20 and we could not get truency charges filed nor any charges on running. After another psychiatric ward stay she was placed on a medication that aggitated her and she finially pushed us (she had never been psysical before) and we filed assault charges that stuck. We finially got before a judge. I had called everywhere and tried and tried to get help-nothing unless we filed charges and got before a judge.</p><p></p><p>We were also told that we would be accused of neglect as a formality basically. We consulted with a lawyer because we both work for a school district and did not want our jobs in jeopardy. Nothing came of the charges. Against our wishes, difficult child was placed in what was supposed to be a therapeutic foster home. It was a single mom, who had another foster daughter who actually got pregnant on her watch! There was less supervision in this home than my own. When difficult child was ill, this women did not take her to a doctor-we drove across town and took her and she ended up having pnemonia. The women also refused her the right of calling us. The list goes on and on! difficult child ran from this home and came back to us. The judge removed her from the foster home, chastised DCFS for their poor placement and placed difficult child in state jjs custody so we could get the residential DBT treatment we had first requested.</p><p></p><p>This was also a nighmare! The state was actually ordered to make changes to this program because the abuse difficult child suffered there-she almost completed suicide this place was so horrible. We also had to pay a huge amount of child support. We did it but had to cut corners everywhere! It was an 11 month nighmare!</p><p></p><p>We found very cheap EMDR therapy through our rape crisis center once difficult child was released. She stopped running away as a result. It is a long road to travel when a girl has been raped and we also found out repeatedly molested by a cousin 3 times her age. <strong>The trauma must be addressed</strong>. <strong>Make sure she gets trauma help</strong>. These state places are horrible at keeping up with the research and what works-trauma is a huge issue and most specilists agree nothing will change unless that is dealt with. We are still stuggling and it is a roller coaster. The mental illnesses that are triggered by traumas can be very difficult to treat. Some kids like yours and mine are just predisposed and lack resielience.</p><p></p><p>It has been 3 years of sheer he**. We were desperate when we went to the state for help. Knowing what I know now, I would be involved and very careful. Some part of me thinks sending difficult child away to try to keep her safe (locked up basically) caused her to have more trauma and abandonment issues. We did what we could at the time and what we thought best. She did learn some great skills. She has been home since late August. She just got a job (she quit her 1st one a month ago becuase she didn't like the people yadda yadda). We are hoping she makes it on this one. She could not complete regular high school-too stressful with the rumors and PTSD triggered by some of the boys there.. She took and aced the GED and finished school almost 2 years early-she will get a diploma and walk in the graduation line this summer. Our dreams for her are dashed. She still struggles with following rules, controlling, stealing money from us (petty amounts-but theft non the less), pot smoking. She is not at the time running or sexually acting out (we are pretty sure-but how do you know for sure?).</p><p></p><p>Look into PTSD-she sounds like she has a lot of the typical symptoms of a girl who has been sexually abused but also may have PTSD. I doubt any neglect charges will stick if you have tried in other ways to help her. I hope this lawyer will not charge you for this consultation. We were advised to call DCFS and let them know our situation andour plan ahead of time. To also go to our HR person and let them know. We were supported by both places. ((A huge hug to you)). My heart is full and I have tears because I absolutely know your pain.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 516750, member: 11001"] Welcome notsohappy and so sorry you have to be here. We have been through this exact senario. Our daughter was raped by 3 men when she was 13. We did not know until she was placed in her first Residential Treatment Center (RTC). We depleated our savings and an annuity and got some help from our church. We had tried everything-medications, many counselors, school change, psychiatric-hospital stays, activities, you name it. She was sexually acting out, smoking pot, running away, messing with gang members and not doing well in school. She was not safe. She was there for 18 months and was worse than ever when she got out. Though they had diagnosed her with PTSD-they had not treated this with any proven trauma therapy. She began acting out again and running for days at a time. She was unable to make sober, normal friends and horrible rumors circulated at school about her. She had to be placed in an Alt. high school where she attended a total of 3 days out of 20 and we could not get truency charges filed nor any charges on running. After another psychiatric ward stay she was placed on a medication that aggitated her and she finially pushed us (she had never been psysical before) and we filed assault charges that stuck. We finially got before a judge. I had called everywhere and tried and tried to get help-nothing unless we filed charges and got before a judge. We were also told that we would be accused of neglect as a formality basically. We consulted with a lawyer because we both work for a school district and did not want our jobs in jeopardy. Nothing came of the charges. Against our wishes, difficult child was placed in what was supposed to be a therapeutic foster home. It was a single mom, who had another foster daughter who actually got pregnant on her watch! There was less supervision in this home than my own. When difficult child was ill, this women did not take her to a doctor-we drove across town and took her and she ended up having pnemonia. The women also refused her the right of calling us. The list goes on and on! difficult child ran from this home and came back to us. The judge removed her from the foster home, chastised DCFS for their poor placement and placed difficult child in state jjs custody so we could get the residential DBT treatment we had first requested. This was also a nighmare! The state was actually ordered to make changes to this program because the abuse difficult child suffered there-she almost completed suicide this place was so horrible. We also had to pay a huge amount of child support. We did it but had to cut corners everywhere! It was an 11 month nighmare! We found very cheap EMDR therapy through our rape crisis center once difficult child was released. She stopped running away as a result. It is a long road to travel when a girl has been raped and we also found out repeatedly molested by a cousin 3 times her age. [B]The trauma must be addressed[/B]. [B]Make sure she gets trauma help[/B]. These state places are horrible at keeping up with the research and what works-trauma is a huge issue and most specilists agree nothing will change unless that is dealt with. We are still stuggling and it is a roller coaster. The mental illnesses that are triggered by traumas can be very difficult to treat. Some kids like yours and mine are just predisposed and lack resielience. It has been 3 years of sheer he**. We were desperate when we went to the state for help. Knowing what I know now, I would be involved and very careful. Some part of me thinks sending difficult child away to try to keep her safe (locked up basically) caused her to have more trauma and abandonment issues. We did what we could at the time and what we thought best. She did learn some great skills. She has been home since late August. She just got a job (she quit her 1st one a month ago becuase she didn't like the people yadda yadda). We are hoping she makes it on this one. She could not complete regular high school-too stressful with the rumors and PTSD triggered by some of the boys there.. She took and aced the GED and finished school almost 2 years early-she will get a diploma and walk in the graduation line this summer. Our dreams for her are dashed. She still struggles with following rules, controlling, stealing money from us (petty amounts-but theft non the less), pot smoking. She is not at the time running or sexually acting out (we are pretty sure-but how do you know for sure?). Look into PTSD-she sounds like she has a lot of the typical symptoms of a girl who has been sexually abused but also may have PTSD. I doubt any neglect charges will stick if you have tried in other ways to help her. I hope this lawyer will not charge you for this consultation. We were advised to call DCFS and let them know our situation andour plan ahead of time. To also go to our HR person and let them know. We were supported by both places. ((A huge hug to you)). My heart is full and I have tears because I absolutely know your pain. [/QUOTE]
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