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Two Years Ago
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<blockquote data-quote="aninom" data-source="post: 327750" data-attributes="member: 8513"><p>Oh, robinboots, I'm so there with you. We've gone through this same hurt in our family, and hands down the worst part of it was the way everything was "fine" as far as the rest of the world was concerned. Because they lie. They lie GOOD. </p><p> </p><p>For years and years all we heard was, "well, it's teenage troubles, not sure what the fuss is" or even worse, the idea difficult child had seeded that our family was the ones messed up and at fault, her being the victim. It took some bad stuff to get her institutionalized, and even then only for a month - she learned to adapt, to behave... only to revert to exactly the same behavior the moment she was unsupervised by anyone outside the family! </p><p> </p><p>The closest thing to a diagnosis we got was ASPD via a psychiatrist that'd suspected it before, but couldn't diagnose it until adolescence had passed. difficult child still doesn't have that diagnosis on paper. She hasn't gone into jail yet or permanently harmed anybody, knock on wood (and for what it's worth her violent episodes petered out every 5 years or so - she still does the same things but more seldom, and it's like the more positive stuff she's got going on the less bored/frustrated she gets, which is really the trigger. I also think she's learned to adapt / hide it better, and sometimes she'll get bored and tired of acting out, too, if it's been going on for a few hours). </p><p> </p><p>I feel lucky in that respect, and sometimes wretched for that very same reason: she's still out there, doing the same things, flying under the radar. Part of me is still hoping someone, somehow, more capable than we are takes this seriously and gets her help, however late it is. Just to be believed by someone with the authority to keep her away from us when she gets physical or severely destructive would be a nice start. I can tell you both my parents nearly went insane from hearing "nothing wrong, nothing wrong" while being scared for their lives each and every day when it was at its worst.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Does risperdal work? What other treatment options did they offer? </p><p> </p><p>If our difficult child's really are in the same category, this is my thoughts: I don't think they LIKE hurting people (property? different ballgame). At least I don't think our difficult child does. But neither do they care one iota if they do, and they have no compunction towards hurting you if they perceive you as annoying or not subservient enough. And I truly don't think she UNDERSTANDS other people can get hurt, sad. So it's less about sadism and more about her not understanding - the recognition isn't there, it just doesn't connect. Crying, begging, etc only annoys her further, I've never seen her stop or hesitate over it, even when she took one of us to truly pitiful states. And it's not personal. You're just the safest and easiest target for frustration. </p><p> </p><p>Our difficult child has issues with authority, and even a kind remark like "how did school go" can set her off because she translates it into someone assuming her being their equal or charge. I've learned that rephrasing it like "Did you like school today?" doesn't have the same effect, since she feels it natural the surrounding world should constantly consider her feelings (as opposed to what is right or good for her, which only she can be allowed to dictate).</p><p> </p><p>You keep her busy but not stressed out, she's fine. You introduce guests, strangers, anybody she still has an opportunity to charm, she'll be great. We usually just leave the house if she's visiting and has to do something she finds tedious - getting ready, packing, that kind of thing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I don't know why I just remembered this, but once I found the words "I HATE YOU" carved onto the living room table beneath the table cloth. Like she wanted us to be greeted by it the next time we changed it. It feels so premeditated sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>You're not alone. And dear God it feels so good someone else understands that limbo of "nothing wrong".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aninom, post: 327750, member: 8513"] Oh, robinboots, I'm so there with you. We've gone through this same hurt in our family, and hands down the worst part of it was the way everything was "fine" as far as the rest of the world was concerned. Because they lie. They lie GOOD. For years and years all we heard was, "well, it's teenage troubles, not sure what the fuss is" or even worse, the idea difficult child had seeded that our family was the ones messed up and at fault, her being the victim. It took some bad stuff to get her institutionalized, and even then only for a month - she learned to adapt, to behave... only to revert to exactly the same behavior the moment she was unsupervised by anyone outside the family! The closest thing to a diagnosis we got was ASPD via a psychiatrist that'd suspected it before, but couldn't diagnose it until adolescence had passed. difficult child still doesn't have that diagnosis on paper. She hasn't gone into jail yet or permanently harmed anybody, knock on wood (and for what it's worth her violent episodes petered out every 5 years or so - she still does the same things but more seldom, and it's like the more positive stuff she's got going on the less bored/frustrated she gets, which is really the trigger. I also think she's learned to adapt / hide it better, and sometimes she'll get bored and tired of acting out, too, if it's been going on for a few hours). I feel lucky in that respect, and sometimes wretched for that very same reason: she's still out there, doing the same things, flying under the radar. Part of me is still hoping someone, somehow, more capable than we are takes this seriously and gets her help, however late it is. Just to be believed by someone with the authority to keep her away from us when she gets physical or severely destructive would be a nice start. I can tell you both my parents nearly went insane from hearing "nothing wrong, nothing wrong" while being scared for their lives each and every day when it was at its worst. Does risperdal work? What other treatment options did they offer? If our difficult child's really are in the same category, this is my thoughts: I don't think they LIKE hurting people (property? different ballgame). At least I don't think our difficult child does. But neither do they care one iota if they do, and they have no compunction towards hurting you if they perceive you as annoying or not subservient enough. And I truly don't think she UNDERSTANDS other people can get hurt, sad. So it's less about sadism and more about her not understanding - the recognition isn't there, it just doesn't connect. Crying, begging, etc only annoys her further, I've never seen her stop or hesitate over it, even when she took one of us to truly pitiful states. And it's not personal. You're just the safest and easiest target for frustration. Our difficult child has issues with authority, and even a kind remark like "how did school go" can set her off because she translates it into someone assuming her being their equal or charge. I've learned that rephrasing it like "Did you like school today?" doesn't have the same effect, since she feels it natural the surrounding world should constantly consider her feelings (as opposed to what is right or good for her, which only she can be allowed to dictate). You keep her busy but not stressed out, she's fine. You introduce guests, strangers, anybody she still has an opportunity to charm, she'll be great. We usually just leave the house if she's visiting and has to do something she finds tedious - getting ready, packing, that kind of thing. I don't know why I just remembered this, but once I found the words "I HATE YOU" carved onto the living room table beneath the table cloth. Like she wanted us to be greeted by it the next time we changed it. It feels so premeditated sometimes. You're not alone. And dear God it feels so good someone else understands that limbo of "nothing wrong". [/QUOTE]
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