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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 453897" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>((((((((((hugs))))))))))</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry. You are doing EXACTLY the right thing to protect yourself and your kids. It is normal and natural for them to be upset with you at times. Regarding testifying against their dad, you have NO CHOICE unless you want him to continue to hurt you and the kids the way he is. I hoep you and the kids are all seeing a good therapist or tdocs. If so, PLEASE sit down with the therapist that sees the kids and explain that you are testifying and it is to protect your kids and have the therapist help you tell the kids in a way that they can understand that you are doing this not to be mean, but to protect them AND to get your husband under some supervision so he cannot kill himself or hurt himself. The therapist should be able to help you tell the kids in a way they will understand best. If no therapist to help (or not one they really trust) then follow your instincts but be sure that YOU tell them and they are not left to be surprised by husband or some crony on his side who will blindside them with "your daddy only went to jail because your mommy told a pack of lies to the judge and jury". YOU need to tell them the truth FIRST so they are armed because someone at some point WILL tell them that. Either husband will to get sympathy from them or to make you miserable or else he will have some relative or friend do it.</p><p></p><p>I have seen a good friend go through this as an adult and she told her kids up front what she had to do and why -to keep him from hurting them or her and to keep him from hurting himself. I also have an aunt who did much of this but DIDN"T tell my cousin and he blamed her up until he was an adult when she finally told him how it really was back then. It is ten years since my friend told her kids and they were MUCH better off for it than my cousin who had a LOT of hate and blame because his dad and his dad's friends/new wife all said his mom did it out of spite and lied etc.... . My aunt didn't tell him because she didn't want him dragged into adult things and she had NO idea wehre all the anger/blame/ugliness came from except when gfgbro or I would hear cousin talk about it we would tell her or our mom. </p><p></p><p>So I have seen it both ways -tellign them, in ways they can understand at their ages, is the best in the long run for their health and lives. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry all this has to happen. I hope they don't give him bail again, but they likely will. PLEASE call 911 at the first sight of him from now on, don't wait for him to start coming up to the house - he is too much on the edge.</p><p></p><p>(((((hugs))))) If your doctor hasn't given you something to help with the anxiety, please ask. Just because husband abused medications does NOTmean all medications for anxiety are bad.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 453897, member: 1233"] ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) I am so sorry. You are doing EXACTLY the right thing to protect yourself and your kids. It is normal and natural for them to be upset with you at times. Regarding testifying against their dad, you have NO CHOICE unless you want him to continue to hurt you and the kids the way he is. I hoep you and the kids are all seeing a good therapist or tdocs. If so, PLEASE sit down with the therapist that sees the kids and explain that you are testifying and it is to protect your kids and have the therapist help you tell the kids in a way that they can understand that you are doing this not to be mean, but to protect them AND to get your husband under some supervision so he cannot kill himself or hurt himself. The therapist should be able to help you tell the kids in a way they will understand best. If no therapist to help (or not one they really trust) then follow your instincts but be sure that YOU tell them and they are not left to be surprised by husband or some crony on his side who will blindside them with "your daddy only went to jail because your mommy told a pack of lies to the judge and jury". YOU need to tell them the truth FIRST so they are armed because someone at some point WILL tell them that. Either husband will to get sympathy from them or to make you miserable or else he will have some relative or friend do it. I have seen a good friend go through this as an adult and she told her kids up front what she had to do and why -to keep him from hurting them or her and to keep him from hurting himself. I also have an aunt who did much of this but DIDN"T tell my cousin and he blamed her up until he was an adult when she finally told him how it really was back then. It is ten years since my friend told her kids and they were MUCH better off for it than my cousin who had a LOT of hate and blame because his dad and his dad's friends/new wife all said his mom did it out of spite and lied etc.... . My aunt didn't tell him because she didn't want him dragged into adult things and she had NO idea wehre all the anger/blame/ugliness came from except when gfgbro or I would hear cousin talk about it we would tell her or our mom. So I have seen it both ways -tellign them, in ways they can understand at their ages, is the best in the long run for their health and lives. I am so sorry all this has to happen. I hope they don't give him bail again, but they likely will. PLEASE call 911 at the first sight of him from now on, don't wait for him to start coming up to the house - he is too much on the edge. (((((hugs))))) If your doctor hasn't given you something to help with the anxiety, please ask. Just because husband abused medications does NOTmean all medications for anxiety are bad. [/QUOTE]
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