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ugh! difficult child upset
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 420677" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I know this hurts. At least you know that easy child won't be living in an abandoned house or some crack den. I hope she learns that these people have problems the same way everyone does. I don't think they will be willing to have her live iwth them forever, esp as she has no job. </p><p> </p><p>Please plan something to do on Sunday, even if it is just to go to a homeless shelter and help with whatever they need. You NEED something to do on Sunday that will get you out of the house so you don't rub the loss of easy child in your face all day. Maybe ask the horse lady if you can just hang out with the horses and groom them and shovel the stalls. I used to do that as a kid when I was really upset. Just being around them, even when not riding, helped me cope. They are awesome listeners while you cry.</p><p> </p><p>I don't know this grandfather, but just what difficult child said gave me huge warning signs. You will know better than I but you may need to say that she cannot go there and if ex wants to go there then he needs to take her home to you before he does. Ex will have a fit but if he is creeping difficult child out and creeped you out to the point that you wouldn't let him see him when she was younger, then I would say it is not safe for her to be around him. I seriously doubt that ex would listen if difficult child said he made her uncomfortable. The pressure to say she loves him over and over is an early step to grooming her to not object to abuse, Know what I mean??? Again, I do NOT know if this is what is going on, but you know the man and have good instincts.</p><p> </p><p>You problem cannot do that for this visit, simply not enough time. Ex will fight this and fight you "telling him waht to do", so you may need to get the therapist to weigh in. If you can, fax or email a message asking his advice on how to handle this. Most tdocs would back you up on insisting that she not go there, at least the ones I have known all would. Start (or continue) to tell difficult child that NO ONE has a right to touch her against her wishes, esp in the private areas. I used to describe it as the areas your swimsuit covers to my kids. They were told no one could touch them there and they couldn't touch anyone there unless permission was asked BEFORE they were touched. Tell her once again that if anyone tries to touch her there, or makes her uncomfortable thinking they might try to do that, she MUST tell you as soon as she can. She also should say NO firmly, loudly, and often as she tries to get away. </p><p> </p><p>I am sure you have already taught her this, but a reminder before she goes to her dad's house would be a good idea. This grandfather sounds strange and like he might be dangerous to her. You are not stupid and your instincts should be trusted on this - even if they say I am wrong about this!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 420677, member: 1233"] I know this hurts. At least you know that easy child won't be living in an abandoned house or some crack den. I hope she learns that these people have problems the same way everyone does. I don't think they will be willing to have her live iwth them forever, esp as she has no job. Please plan something to do on Sunday, even if it is just to go to a homeless shelter and help with whatever they need. You NEED something to do on Sunday that will get you out of the house so you don't rub the loss of easy child in your face all day. Maybe ask the horse lady if you can just hang out with the horses and groom them and shovel the stalls. I used to do that as a kid when I was really upset. Just being around them, even when not riding, helped me cope. They are awesome listeners while you cry. I don't know this grandfather, but just what difficult child said gave me huge warning signs. You will know better than I but you may need to say that she cannot go there and if ex wants to go there then he needs to take her home to you before he does. Ex will have a fit but if he is creeping difficult child out and creeped you out to the point that you wouldn't let him see him when she was younger, then I would say it is not safe for her to be around him. I seriously doubt that ex would listen if difficult child said he made her uncomfortable. The pressure to say she loves him over and over is an early step to grooming her to not object to abuse, Know what I mean??? Again, I do NOT know if this is what is going on, but you know the man and have good instincts. You problem cannot do that for this visit, simply not enough time. Ex will fight this and fight you "telling him waht to do", so you may need to get the therapist to weigh in. If you can, fax or email a message asking his advice on how to handle this. Most tdocs would back you up on insisting that she not go there, at least the ones I have known all would. Start (or continue) to tell difficult child that NO ONE has a right to touch her against her wishes, esp in the private areas. I used to describe it as the areas your swimsuit covers to my kids. They were told no one could touch them there and they couldn't touch anyone there unless permission was asked BEFORE they were touched. Tell her once again that if anyone tries to touch her there, or makes her uncomfortable thinking they might try to do that, she MUST tell you as soon as she can. She also should say NO firmly, loudly, and often as she tries to get away. I am sure you have already taught her this, but a reminder before she goes to her dad's house would be a good idea. This grandfather sounds strange and like he might be dangerous to her. You are not stupid and your instincts should be trusted on this - even if they say I am wrong about this! [/QUOTE]
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