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ugh! difficult child upset
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 420707" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I also would be concerned about difficult child and grandpa. Is there a chance she has already been abused? It would explain a lot.</p><p></p><p>As for easy child - I know she will think she is in hog heaven, people giving her what she wants, spending money on her (really? How long will that last?) and the lifestyle of the rich and not famous. But sci-fi author Robert Heinlein said it well. TANSTAAFL. There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch. This will not last. The rose-coloured glasses will eventually get broken and she will realise.</p><p></p><p>BUT - once you leave home, you never can come back. You have tasted independence and self-detrmination, and the most you can ever do is re-visit, or maybe stay with the folks for a while. But coming home? You never again can feel at home back in the environment you grew up in. Sis-in-law was an exchange scholar in the US from Australia when she was 17/18. She was there for a year with three successive families. When she left she was a easy child who was very close to her parents, almost clingy. While in the US she sent home taped letters so we could hear her voice; we all replied the same way. There were phone calls, a lot of communication and contact. She was a easy child who formed some deep and lasting friendships with the people she stayed with; some came and stayed with her family in Australia, afterwards. The close relationship with us all, including her parents, continued long-distance. But on her return it was clear to me, and soon clear to her, that she could not stay at home any longer. Her mother expected everything to be as it had been before she left, but she had been too independent of her parents while in the US and coming home, things had changed. She needed to move out. </p><p>Of course she often came home on weekends and holidays, stayed a few days at home here and there. But really, once she had gone to the US, at that point it was the last time she lived at home without feeling like a visitor.</p><p></p><p>I also can vouch for this. I left home with my parents recognising the necessity but not happy about it. I left to go to university and my parents lived too far away for me to commute. Even though I came home every weekend, it soon became not home for me. Increasingly, I was a visitor. It was not home that changed, but me. Same with sis-in-law - she was the one who had changed. Home was as it had always been.</p><p></p><p>So I predict that one day easy child will 'see the light' and realise she had it good at home after all. But she will never again feel quite as much at home as before she left.</p><p></p><p>Your relationship will improve. Disneyland is a fantasy. The people who love you will put up with a lot more from you, than people who have absolutely no vested interest in you. With these people, easy child will either manage to hold things together and behave impeccably (which will be good for her) or she will blot her copybook and disillusion them (then no more Mexico holidays!). It will happen, surely as the sun rises each day.</p><p></p><p>It won't happen right away. But the novelty will wear off. For them and for her. Whichever way it goes, however long it takes, it ill be a valuable life lesson that is NOT YOUR FAULT. And that will be the best thing of all.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 420707, member: 1991"] I also would be concerned about difficult child and grandpa. Is there a chance she has already been abused? It would explain a lot. As for easy child - I know she will think she is in hog heaven, people giving her what she wants, spending money on her (really? How long will that last?) and the lifestyle of the rich and not famous. But sci-fi author Robert Heinlein said it well. TANSTAAFL. There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch. This will not last. The rose-coloured glasses will eventually get broken and she will realise. BUT - once you leave home, you never can come back. You have tasted independence and self-detrmination, and the most you can ever do is re-visit, or maybe stay with the folks for a while. But coming home? You never again can feel at home back in the environment you grew up in. Sis-in-law was an exchange scholar in the US from Australia when she was 17/18. She was there for a year with three successive families. When she left she was a easy child who was very close to her parents, almost clingy. While in the US she sent home taped letters so we could hear her voice; we all replied the same way. There were phone calls, a lot of communication and contact. She was a easy child who formed some deep and lasting friendships with the people she stayed with; some came and stayed with her family in Australia, afterwards. The close relationship with us all, including her parents, continued long-distance. But on her return it was clear to me, and soon clear to her, that she could not stay at home any longer. Her mother expected everything to be as it had been before she left, but she had been too independent of her parents while in the US and coming home, things had changed. She needed to move out. Of course she often came home on weekends and holidays, stayed a few days at home here and there. But really, once she had gone to the US, at that point it was the last time she lived at home without feeling like a visitor. I also can vouch for this. I left home with my parents recognising the necessity but not happy about it. I left to go to university and my parents lived too far away for me to commute. Even though I came home every weekend, it soon became not home for me. Increasingly, I was a visitor. It was not home that changed, but me. Same with sis-in-law - she was the one who had changed. Home was as it had always been. So I predict that one day easy child will 'see the light' and realise she had it good at home after all. But she will never again feel quite as much at home as before she left. Your relationship will improve. Disneyland is a fantasy. The people who love you will put up with a lot more from you, than people who have absolutely no vested interest in you. With these people, easy child will either manage to hold things together and behave impeccably (which will be good for her) or she will blot her copybook and disillusion them (then no more Mexico holidays!). It will happen, surely as the sun rises each day. It won't happen right away. But the novelty will wear off. For them and for her. Whichever way it goes, however long it takes, it ill be a valuable life lesson that is NOT YOUR FAULT. And that will be the best thing of all. Marg [/QUOTE]
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