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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 353869" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>husband sounds like he was jealous of all the attention your friend seemed to be getting when he wasn't getting any (from his point of view). His response wasn't very mature - classic passive aggressive.</p><p></p><p>It's your choice where things go from here - as you said, you were talking to a friend, you gave up a lot of friends when you and husband got together and he has not. So there sounds to be double standards here. That said, if I had done to my husband what you did tonight - talked to someone else, had my thoughts elsewhere while he's waiting for me to fix dinner for him - he would have felt hurt, too.</p><p></p><p>Fidelity isn't always about sex. You can be unfaithful to someone not even by thinking about someone else in a sexual way, or even about someone else at all - but simply by not being available for your partner, or there for them. If/when your partner senses your unavailability, for whatever reason, then it becomes a matter of fidelity.</p><p></p><p>For example, I might be spending all my time immersed in this site, always posting or reading someone else's posts and never making sure the washing is done, there is food on the table, the clothing is mended. The family would get resentful and blame the site, when it is my unavailability that is the problem, not the site.</p><p></p><p>With your husband, I sense you have both got into bad patterns of communication that regularly use passive-aggressive methods to communicate, instead of really talking to one another. Where there is resentment on either side, it is unhealthy to allow it to continue.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 353869, member: 1991"] husband sounds like he was jealous of all the attention your friend seemed to be getting when he wasn't getting any (from his point of view). His response wasn't very mature - classic passive aggressive. It's your choice where things go from here - as you said, you were talking to a friend, you gave up a lot of friends when you and husband got together and he has not. So there sounds to be double standards here. That said, if I had done to my husband what you did tonight - talked to someone else, had my thoughts elsewhere while he's waiting for me to fix dinner for him - he would have felt hurt, too. Fidelity isn't always about sex. You can be unfaithful to someone not even by thinking about someone else in a sexual way, or even about someone else at all - but simply by not being available for your partner, or there for them. If/when your partner senses your unavailability, for whatever reason, then it becomes a matter of fidelity. For example, I might be spending all my time immersed in this site, always posting or reading someone else's posts and never making sure the washing is done, there is food on the table, the clothing is mended. The family would get resentful and blame the site, when it is my unavailability that is the problem, not the site. With your husband, I sense you have both got into bad patterns of communication that regularly use passive-aggressive methods to communicate, instead of really talking to one another. Where there is resentment on either side, it is unhealthy to allow it to continue. Marg [/QUOTE]
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