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Substance Abuse
Ultimatum Given, now Trepidation....
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 59706" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Let wife take over the reins and do not step in--don't criticize, don't do anything except be there for her when it doesn't work out!</div></div></p><p></p><p>Jane, I hear you. But at the risk of sounding argumentative, been there done that many times over. It's a cycle. I get to the point where I can't take it any more, and come close to going Katrina on McWeedy. wife (or someone else) then steps in and backs me down. wife takes over as McWeedy's "handler", but that usually ends up with him taking a running leap off Mount Doom into the flaming abyss. wife loses it, I step in to pick up the pieces, repeat cycle.</p><p></p><p>Hi Mikey,</p><p>the part where wife loses it, you step in to pick up the pieces--don't do that then if it doesn't work. You are rescuing and enabling everyone and also seem to think that you are the only one in the family with the ability/and or power to change them. As someone else said, you have no power over anyone but yourself. For this to work (letting wife handle difficult child) you do truly have to step back--you can't be watching and waiting for people to screw up and step in to fix it. You can't be so involved. I think it must be very difficult for you to allow wife to take control and stand by and watch her do it "wrong." </p><p></p><p>I think if you and wife went to counseling it might help tremendously--would you guys be willing to do that together? Or, as someone else mentioned go to Al-Anon.</p><p></p><p>You are choosing your wife over your son but she is choosing him over you--not likely to work! There is a very special bond between a mom and son--it is hard for us moms to let go. I love my 2 dtrs as much as I love my son but there is some extra thing with my son. I would guess it is the same with dads and dtrs.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 59706, member: 3450"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Let wife take over the reins and do not step in--don't criticize, don't do anything except be there for her when it doesn't work out!</div></div> Jane, I hear you. But at the risk of sounding argumentative, been there done that many times over. It's a cycle. I get to the point where I can't take it any more, and come close to going Katrina on McWeedy. wife (or someone else) then steps in and backs me down. wife takes over as McWeedy's "handler", but that usually ends up with him taking a running leap off Mount Doom into the flaming abyss. wife loses it, I step in to pick up the pieces, repeat cycle. Hi Mikey, the part where wife loses it, you step in to pick up the pieces--don't do that then if it doesn't work. You are rescuing and enabling everyone and also seem to think that you are the only one in the family with the ability/and or power to change them. As someone else said, you have no power over anyone but yourself. For this to work (letting wife handle difficult child) you do truly have to step back--you can't be watching and waiting for people to screw up and step in to fix it. You can't be so involved. I think it must be very difficult for you to allow wife to take control and stand by and watch her do it "wrong." I think if you and wife went to counseling it might help tremendously--would you guys be willing to do that together? Or, as someone else mentioned go to Al-Anon. You are choosing your wife over your son but she is choosing him over you--not likely to work! There is a very special bond between a mom and son--it is hard for us moms to let go. I love my 2 dtrs as much as I love my son but there is some extra thing with my son. I would guess it is the same with dads and dtrs. Hugs, Jane [/QUOTE]
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Ultimatum Given, now Trepidation....
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