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Unexpected Call
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<blockquote data-quote="JJJ" data-source="post: 283736" data-attributes="member: 1169"><p>She called back. Spermdonor is still married to her mom. Slightly impressed that it has lasted 24 years. I think a big part of it was he had a major financial downturn and probably couldn't afford to be a swinging bachelor again. (cynical, I know). </p><p></p><p>She was 7 years old the last time we saw her. The older girl was 8. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like she is curious and perhaps interested in seeing if she has more in common with us as sisters as the two of them seem to be very different people. She was always the one that clung to me when we saw them. </p><p></p><p>We've decided to tell her that we would like to get to know them but that we have no interest in reconnecting with her father nor in discussing events that took place before she was born or when she was very young. That we will not ask her to keep finding us secret but if she tells him, she needs to convey that we are not interested in talking to him. </p><p></p><p>The reality is that he left when I was 5 (and my sisters even younger). On a good year, he would visit 4 times, but often just twice. The first few years he would schedule visits, demand my mother not feed us as he was taking us to dinner but then he either would show up at bedtime or not at all. When the new girls were born, we made an effort to get to know them but he was a jerk. He all but demanded we visit them at least once a month. (Really, he wanted us to drive home from college to visit them 400&#37; more often than he visited his own children; more often than we got to our own home to see each other and our mom) We kept in touch thinking that he would divorce wife #3 and we would keep contact with her and the girls but it got to be too much. </p><p></p><p>I hope he was a good father to them, but he wasn't to us and we do not owe him a thing. There was never a big blow-up. We just faded away, we stopped calling and after one "poor me" letter, he never tried to contact us again.</p><p></p><p>Still feeling weird,</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JJJ, post: 283736, member: 1169"] She called back. Spermdonor is still married to her mom. Slightly impressed that it has lasted 24 years. I think a big part of it was he had a major financial downturn and probably couldn't afford to be a swinging bachelor again. (cynical, I know). She was 7 years old the last time we saw her. The older girl was 8. It sounds like she is curious and perhaps interested in seeing if she has more in common with us as sisters as the two of them seem to be very different people. She was always the one that clung to me when we saw them. We've decided to tell her that we would like to get to know them but that we have no interest in reconnecting with her father nor in discussing events that took place before she was born or when she was very young. That we will not ask her to keep finding us secret but if she tells him, she needs to convey that we are not interested in talking to him. The reality is that he left when I was 5 (and my sisters even younger). On a good year, he would visit 4 times, but often just twice. The first few years he would schedule visits, demand my mother not feed us as he was taking us to dinner but then he either would show up at bedtime or not at all. When the new girls were born, we made an effort to get to know them but he was a jerk. He all but demanded we visit them at least once a month. (Really, he wanted us to drive home from college to visit them 400% more often than he visited his own children; more often than we got to our own home to see each other and our mom) We kept in touch thinking that he would divorce wife #3 and we would keep contact with her and the girls but it got to be too much. I hope he was a good father to them, but he wasn't to us and we do not owe him a thing. There was never a big blow-up. We just faded away, we stopped calling and after one "poor me" letter, he never tried to contact us again. Still feeling weird, [/QUOTE]
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