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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 337077" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Has your son ever received any testing to diagnosis any thing like ADD or ADHD? Is he on any medications?</p><p> </p><p>My difficult child is in 7th grade and I noticed a "cold turkey" attitude about teachers helping kids. Kids are to go from elementary school where teachers were involved to some extent in helping them stay on track with organizing school work and time to do things to BOOM they are on their own and they better follow the instructions. It is the student's responsiblity to ask for help. The year kids really do need some reminders and a little help because they are now old enough to "get it" the schools turn their backs on that area (unless there is an IEP involved). Just because they are now 12 and 13 years old they are automatically held responsible for getting all assignments done on their own.</p><p> </p><p>You say that some of these issues you have noticed since Kindergarten. Maybe at a time he is calm you can bring it up. "I think we should think of a plan to present to your teacher. You know difficult child, I have noticed that you do have a habit of talking to yourself when you are unsure of something. I think the teachers are misunderstanding this. Is there somehow you can work on being quieter, possibly not mumbling at all so the teachers don't pick up on your frustration? Let's see if we can figure out what you can help with and then ask the teachers to join the plan." "Let's write down some thoughts and ideas so we don't forget about them and then decide how best to present it to the teacher."</p><p> </p><p>Or something like that.</p><p> </p><p>Ask him if he finds it takes him longer to get going on something than the other kids. Does he like to think longer about what he is suppose to do before doing it? Is it hard to transition from listening to doing?</p><p> </p><p>Stay very calm in your discussion and if/when he starts to get frustrated with the conversation, gently pull him back with, "I am not saying you are doing anything wrong. I just want to find out how things work for you so that together with the teacher we can figure something out."</p><p> </p><p>Your difficult child wanting you to go in barrels full and ready to shoot in anger is so much like my 13 year old. Of course in their eyes it is ALL the teachers' fault. My husband was school board chairman the last few years of elementary school. difficult child was sure that meant he could fire a teacher when difficult child was angry with her. We heard a lot of "Dad, just fire her!" He thought that would solve all his problems. The thing was that teacher was so creative and went out of her way to think outside the box to help each and every student including difficult child succeed. The teacher is wrong, period. Sometimes it is a personality clash and the student needs to know that the teacher is teaching the way s/he knows how to present the materials. I find myself being a little direct when teaching sometimes because that is how I am most comfortable getting the info across. It does not mean I hate the student or am angry - it is just my style. Kids need to learn through all sorts of styles. His teacher was trying to make the materials clear to him and he thought she was sending the message he was stupid.</p><p> </p><p>It is hard to teach these kids how to face a situation without it becoming personal. They don't understand that when we speak of an unwanted behavior that we are not putting them down or thinking anything less of them. They are great kids and it takes time for them to not take things as a personal attack.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 337077, member: 5096"] Has your son ever received any testing to diagnosis any thing like ADD or ADHD? Is he on any medications? My difficult child is in 7th grade and I noticed a "cold turkey" attitude about teachers helping kids. Kids are to go from elementary school where teachers were involved to some extent in helping them stay on track with organizing school work and time to do things to BOOM they are on their own and they better follow the instructions. It is the student's responsiblity to ask for help. The year kids really do need some reminders and a little help because they are now old enough to "get it" the schools turn their backs on that area (unless there is an IEP involved). Just because they are now 12 and 13 years old they are automatically held responsible for getting all assignments done on their own. You say that some of these issues you have noticed since Kindergarten. Maybe at a time he is calm you can bring it up. "I think we should think of a plan to present to your teacher. You know difficult child, I have noticed that you do have a habit of talking to yourself when you are unsure of something. I think the teachers are misunderstanding this. Is there somehow you can work on being quieter, possibly not mumbling at all so the teachers don't pick up on your frustration? Let's see if we can figure out what you can help with and then ask the teachers to join the plan." "Let's write down some thoughts and ideas so we don't forget about them and then decide how best to present it to the teacher." Or something like that. Ask him if he finds it takes him longer to get going on something than the other kids. Does he like to think longer about what he is suppose to do before doing it? Is it hard to transition from listening to doing? Stay very calm in your discussion and if/when he starts to get frustrated with the conversation, gently pull him back with, "I am not saying you are doing anything wrong. I just want to find out how things work for you so that together with the teacher we can figure something out." Your difficult child wanting you to go in barrels full and ready to shoot in anger is so much like my 13 year old. Of course in their eyes it is ALL the teachers' fault. My husband was school board chairman the last few years of elementary school. difficult child was sure that meant he could fire a teacher when difficult child was angry with her. We heard a lot of "Dad, just fire her!" He thought that would solve all his problems. The thing was that teacher was so creative and went out of her way to think outside the box to help each and every student including difficult child succeed. The teacher is wrong, period. Sometimes it is a personality clash and the student needs to know that the teacher is teaching the way s/he knows how to present the materials. I find myself being a little direct when teaching sometimes because that is how I am most comfortable getting the info across. It does not mean I hate the student or am angry - it is just my style. Kids need to learn through all sorts of styles. His teacher was trying to make the materials clear to him and he thought she was sending the message he was stupid. It is hard to teach these kids how to face a situation without it becoming personal. They don't understand that when we speak of an unwanted behavior that we are not putting them down or thinking anything less of them. They are great kids and it takes time for them to not take things as a personal attack. [/QUOTE]
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