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Update. A little drama...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 618026" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>First, I am sorry you are having to listen to all of this from your son and deal with the emotions that come with it. It seems never-ending at times, doesn't it? </p><p></p><p>Sounds sooooooo familiar. My son has complained relentlessly about every halfway house and rehab, plus jail(s) and workhouses, from day one. It's amazing how many people and places are out to get him and are so unfair. They all just pick on him. The whole world is out to get him. </p><p></p><p>Really?</p><p></p><p>The last rehab (he got kicked out twice for failing drug tests over a five month period) was a work/therapy program, long-term, minimum of six months. He worked 40 hours a week. He got an allowance, starting small and getting increases as he worked their program of recovery. Well that wasn't fair. He was working without getting paid. Whoops, he forgot about room, board, therapy, etc. Who did he think was paying for that? (The rehab was "free", there was no charge as it was a ministry. We have already paid for multiple rehabs). </p><p></p><p>Almost funny if it wasn't so darned exhausting and sad. </p><p></p><p>You know, listening to someone recite every single obstacle they encounter in their day is unbelievable isn't it? Just think about how many obstacles you and I face on an hourly basis, we're cold, the icemaker quit, we're too fat for our favorite pants, etc. We just deal with it (maybe with a little complaining to our best friends from time to time).</p><p></p><p>My son likes to tell me all of his issues, including, like yours, no pan to cook in. </p><p></p><p>Well, who made these choices that landed you right here? Not me. </p><p></p><p>So, you're an adult. Deal with it. Figure it out. You are smart and motivated enough to find drugs, take drugs and sell drugs, regardless of the complete train wreck you are making of your life, so I am sure you can find a pan to cook in.</p><p></p><p>I know, this isn't what we say, because we are still working hard to be kind even when they aren't but that is what we are thinking, isn't it? </p><p></p><p>I don't know about you, but I am so sick and tired. I had to get sick and tired before I was willing to do something different. I just can't live another person's life for them. I just can't figure out every move another person needs to make to have a life. It's all I can do to live my own life.</p><p></p><p>Here is where I am, for what it's worth: No money (for anything, not <u>anything</u>), no rides, no nothing. No money on your account in jail. Right now, he's in jail and I'm not even visiting in jail. He can't come to my house to live. He can't go to his Dad's house to live. He is basically without anything. He has been homeless three times---once for a month. </p><p></p><p>I did write one letter two weeks ago---very short, that said I have his things and when he gets settled, I will get them to him. I said I love you. I wish you the best. </p><p></p><p>I am learning that about 95% of the time (or 96%, 97%, not sure of the exact number, lol), what I need to do is nothing. What I need to say is nothing. I want to be kind to him. I want to be encouraging. I want to be supportive. As I continue to reduce what I say and do to nearly nothing, I am learning that when I do more (more talking, more anything), it gets twisted up. And then I get twisted up. And then I end up doing things that are not good for me or for him. I am working hard on staying out of the way. And wow it is hard. </p><p></p><p>Your son is a college graduate I see! Wow, that is awesome and amazing. Once he gets his life straight, he already has his education. From your signature, it looks like you have really been through it in the past year. I am sorry. I know every person's situation is different, but strangely, we have remarkably similar stories. </p><p></p><p>I pray that your son gets a job, gets going, takes responsibility for himself and builds a life so you can enjoy a relationship with him in his adult years. I pray that for all of us. Hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 618026, member: 17542"] First, I am sorry you are having to listen to all of this from your son and deal with the emotions that come with it. It seems never-ending at times, doesn't it? Sounds sooooooo familiar. My son has complained relentlessly about every halfway house and rehab, plus jail(s) and workhouses, from day one. It's amazing how many people and places are out to get him and are so unfair. They all just pick on him. The whole world is out to get him. Really? The last rehab (he got kicked out twice for failing drug tests over a five month period) was a work/therapy program, long-term, minimum of six months. He worked 40 hours a week. He got an allowance, starting small and getting increases as he worked their program of recovery. Well that wasn't fair. He was working without getting paid. Whoops, he forgot about room, board, therapy, etc. Who did he think was paying for that? (The rehab was "free", there was no charge as it was a ministry. We have already paid for multiple rehabs). Almost funny if it wasn't so darned exhausting and sad. You know, listening to someone recite every single obstacle they encounter in their day is unbelievable isn't it? Just think about how many obstacles you and I face on an hourly basis, we're cold, the icemaker quit, we're too fat for our favorite pants, etc. We just deal with it (maybe with a little complaining to our best friends from time to time). My son likes to tell me all of his issues, including, like yours, no pan to cook in. Well, who made these choices that landed you right here? Not me. So, you're an adult. Deal with it. Figure it out. You are smart and motivated enough to find drugs, take drugs and sell drugs, regardless of the complete train wreck you are making of your life, so I am sure you can find a pan to cook in. I know, this isn't what we say, because we are still working hard to be kind even when they aren't but that is what we are thinking, isn't it? I don't know about you, but I am so sick and tired. I had to get sick and tired before I was willing to do something different. I just can't live another person's life for them. I just can't figure out every move another person needs to make to have a life. It's all I can do to live my own life. Here is where I am, for what it's worth: No money (for anything, not [U]anything[/U]), no rides, no nothing. No money on your account in jail. Right now, he's in jail and I'm not even visiting in jail. He can't come to my house to live. He can't go to his Dad's house to live. He is basically without anything. He has been homeless three times---once for a month. I did write one letter two weeks ago---very short, that said I have his things and when he gets settled, I will get them to him. I said I love you. I wish you the best. I am learning that about 95% of the time (or 96%, 97%, not sure of the exact number, lol), what I need to do is nothing. What I need to say is nothing. I want to be kind to him. I want to be encouraging. I want to be supportive. As I continue to reduce what I say and do to nearly nothing, I am learning that when I do more (more talking, more anything), it gets twisted up. And then I get twisted up. And then I end up doing things that are not good for me or for him. I am working hard on staying out of the way. And wow it is hard. Your son is a college graduate I see! Wow, that is awesome and amazing. Once he gets his life straight, he already has his education. From your signature, it looks like you have really been through it in the past year. I am sorry. I know every person's situation is different, but strangely, we have remarkably similar stories. I pray that your son gets a job, gets going, takes responsibility for himself and builds a life so you can enjoy a relationship with him in his adult years. I pray that for all of us. Hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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