Update and Happy Birthday

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by everywoman, May 1, 2008.

  1. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Today my difficult child turns 20. He is no closer to being an adult today then when he was 15.

    He has a meeting with his probation officer,and if he passes his drug screen, will no longer be a concern of the judicial system (at least until he commits another crime.) That's a big if---if the "stuff" he bought to "fool" the test works. He is a pothead. He will not give it up.
    He still is a know it all. He won't listen to any reason. I gave up the "just say no" spiel years ago. He knows if I find it in my house, I call the police.

    His anxiety forced him to leave school 1 month before finals. Nothing could make him go back. He stayed in the bed for about a week.

    He can't hold a job. He either can't get hired or if he does, never lasts longer than a few days without major panic attacks. He seems stuck on stupid. I have told him to get a job, maintain it, or he will be living in a homeless shelter. He knows I'm serious---and he does seem to try.

    He went to work two weeks ago with a friend of husband's cutting lawns. He worked for a few days---but then had a probation hearing which was cancelled and when he tried to get in touch with boss was ignored. Boss finally called, had got a cold from difficult child, and said he would call when better. He hasn't called. As far as I know, difficult child didn't "do" anything wrong. But...this is typical.

    I'm so sad today. This is not what I imagined for him 20 years ago. It is what it is---and what it is blows!
  2. tryinghard

    tryinghard New Member

    As a mom...I understand your pain and sadnees..and feelings of loss.

    My coworker told me a story yesterday about his cousin. Cousin was addicted to METH and non fuctioning for 10 years. Stole from the family, never held a job...you know the story.

    Finally they had an intervention and he went into rehab. At 28 he finally took it seriously and turned his life around. He has been sober for 8 years and now owns and runs 5 rehab homes. He is now helping others and doing great.

    So there is hope....

    Hang in there mom...you have laid a stron foundation. Now difficult child has to take the baton and run with it.

  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Ah, hon, I'm sorry. It would be nice if our kids could understand just how much they cheat themselves and those who love them. Major hugs and a prayer that one day he gets his life together.
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Well even if it isn't the Birthday you expected for HIM, celebrate what you have tried to do. Think about what a great person you are! How much you and husband have "done" the past 20 years... try not to think just about the disappointments.

    I am sure it is hard after 20 years. I am only on 4 next week and 7 in 2 months... I try to think of it as, another year to get better.
    Maybe he will get his act together? But YOU have done your job as a great Mom for 20 years!!!
    Happy "MOM Birth-Day" to YOU!!!:mothers_day::hapBday:ay"
  5. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Sorry. Take comfort in the fact that you have done all you can do to help him be successful --it will take self-motivation for him to change. Maybe it it time to consider pushing him out of the nest. A difficult thing to do but maybe it is the wake-up call he needs.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    Well I like what Toto put -

    Happy Mom birthday!!!! and Happy birthday to your son.

    I don't know if there is a MAGIC age of maturation, but my single blow the candle out wish for your son is that he finds it - soon.

  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    You're all right. I have done all I can for someone who refuses to see how he contributes to the trainwreck that is his life. It's been 20 years of battles. I warriored out. I detached from his behavior two years ago---but I hoped that each year would bring some new level of growth. It hasn't. So sad....husband told him this morning to get a job or get out.