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update...not good news
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<blockquote data-quote="AliceLee" data-source="post: 40280" data-attributes="member: 3104"><p>Hi everybody, thank you so much for your support! husband ended up helping her move most of her stuff yesterday and is going back tonight to get the rest. (Guess the deadline wasn't as urgent as she made out...a favorite manipulation tactic of hers)! I am glad she's not just leaving everything there...that would not be a good sign. At least she cares enough to want her things.</p><p></p><p>It really is hard when you're not in agreement with your spouse. I have learned not to be too hard on husband, though. I know we are just at different stages in dealing with her. I have given him some of the Families Anonymous literature to read, so maybe some of it will sink in. He doesn't want to go to the meetings with me...I'm not pushing it...he is someone else I can't control!</p><p></p><p>I am convinced that difficult child has borderline personality disorder. I know I'm not qualified to diagnose, but she has 7-8 of the 9 traits. I've recently read two books on the illness. An author of one of the books teaches/practices psychiatry at the medical college in my town! I was able to speak with him on the phone and he encouraged me to try to get her to agree to come in for an evaluation...he runs a clinic that specializes in Borderline (BPD). I have spoken with her about it, but so far, no luck (but she did NOT get defensive or abusive, which is a change...so maybe she's considering it). Wish I'd known about this when she was 15...</p><p></p><p>I'm rambling...sorry. The point I'm trying to make is that I am trying not to take everything she does and says so personally. I do believe she has an illness, and often can't control her inappropriate behavior. It is a fine line---where do we stop making allowances for mental illness and draw the boundaries?</p><p></p><p>Barbara, I struggled with going away, too. I projected all kinds of things that could happen to difficult child while I was gone. But I realized that I have no control over what does or doesn't happen to her, whether I'm home or away! All in all, I did have a great time, and only spent a very small portion of it worrying about difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AliceLee, post: 40280, member: 3104"] Hi everybody, thank you so much for your support! husband ended up helping her move most of her stuff yesterday and is going back tonight to get the rest. (Guess the deadline wasn't as urgent as she made out...a favorite manipulation tactic of hers)! I am glad she's not just leaving everything there...that would not be a good sign. At least she cares enough to want her things. It really is hard when you're not in agreement with your spouse. I have learned not to be too hard on husband, though. I know we are just at different stages in dealing with her. I have given him some of the Families Anonymous literature to read, so maybe some of it will sink in. He doesn't want to go to the meetings with me...I'm not pushing it...he is someone else I can't control! I am convinced that difficult child has borderline personality disorder. I know I'm not qualified to diagnose, but she has 7-8 of the 9 traits. I've recently read two books on the illness. An author of one of the books teaches/practices psychiatry at the medical college in my town! I was able to speak with him on the phone and he encouraged me to try to get her to agree to come in for an evaluation...he runs a clinic that specializes in Borderline (BPD). I have spoken with her about it, but so far, no luck (but she did NOT get defensive or abusive, which is a change...so maybe she's considering it). Wish I'd known about this when she was 15... I'm rambling...sorry. The point I'm trying to make is that I am trying not to take everything she does and says so personally. I do believe she has an illness, and often can't control her inappropriate behavior. It is a fine line---where do we stop making allowances for mental illness and draw the boundaries? Barbara, I struggled with going away, too. I projected all kinds of things that could happen to difficult child while I was gone. But I realized that I have no control over what does or doesn't happen to her, whether I'm home or away! All in all, I did have a great time, and only spent a very small portion of it worrying about difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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