dstc_99
Well-Known Member
About two months ago I decided fighting with difficult child just wasn't worth the energy. husband and I decided to give her $70 every two weeks for food and pay her car, car insurance, and cell phone bills. All she would have to be responsible for were extra's that she wanted. A week or so later we found out she had joined a sorority at school. All I could think was GREAT now she will be broke and have even more on her plate than she already did. I did not send any money for that so I am sure the BIO grands were footing the bill. All of our contact has been very generic. My script for phone calls is "Hi, How are you, How is everything, I love you." Everything else I say is totally noncommital and impersonal. I don't ask for specifics and I don't give my opinions. It's just safer that way.
So yesterday I noticed some odd transactions in difficult child's savings account. (I wasn't snooping her accounts still show up under ours when I log in because they are connected to ours). Her savings account has money that she gets from the GI bill in order to help her pay her living expenses while in college. They send 1K a month which I think is way too much but I don't have a say so. The money goes directly into her account and she can use it how she wants. We have strongly suggested that since we are giving her living money and her dorm is paid for that she should save it for next year when the GI Bill is no longer paying. husband only gave her 12 months of the GI Bill so after that she has to get a loan or get a job.
Anyway, a little over $800 was gone in a period of 4 days. So I thought HMMMMMM why would this be did she have some bills to pay I don't know about from the school? I broke down and gave her a call. She told me she was moving the money to another account so she could get it as cash. UMMMM all the withdrawals are from an ATM you are getting it as cash? I asked her where the money was and she said in a safe in her dorm room. I advised her that she needed to take that money and deposit it back into the accounts ASAP. Loose money in a college dorm is just asking for trouble. When I gently pressed her as to why she was doing this she broke down and said she was dropping out of college and moving to another city with her boyfriend. She wants to attend a Technical college and become a vet tech instead of doing 4 years. Honestly I don't have a problem with her moving or changing colleges. She is attending college to be a veterinarian but I don't have any faith that she will pull it off. If she didn't pull it off she would be a vet tech with a huge college loan. She says she hates her dorm, her roommate, she isn't making friends, and in general life just sucks there.
Wait it gets better she was moving the money so she could use it for a deposit on an apartment so she and boyfriend could live in the new city together. She really thinks that a good apartment complex is going to let two teenagers without jobs sign a lease. Plus the town she would be moving to is not a safe place. Lets just say that I wouldn't want to turn down the wrong street and the city has one of the highest crime rates in the country. So the places she could afford would be in the ghetto and most likely very unsafe. boyfriend is apparently going to foot half the bill for the rent off of money he made this summer working.
Top that off with she thought the government was going to let her keep all that money from the GI Bill. UMMMM Nope they want their cash back and PS it is all on her because it is done in her name under her social. She can fail the classes and they don't care but if she drops out they want it back.
You all would be proud of me though!!! I detached and didn't lose my temper at all. I gave her the following advice.
1. Go see the GI Bill rep at the school and find out the ramifications of dropping out.
2. I suggested she make sure to have a roommate agreement in place before boyfriend and she moved in together to prevent issues.
3. I suggested that since the boyfriend and her have only been together for about 9 months they might want to postpone living together until later. (IE: finish the freshman year in their own rooms then move in together if they are still good)
4. I suggested she let us help her find a safe affordable apartment.
5. Finish the semester and then move during Christmas break. She only has two months left before they get out.
We actually had a decent conversation and she didn't lose her temper with me. Lets see if we can keep this up. LOL
So yesterday I noticed some odd transactions in difficult child's savings account. (I wasn't snooping her accounts still show up under ours when I log in because they are connected to ours). Her savings account has money that she gets from the GI bill in order to help her pay her living expenses while in college. They send 1K a month which I think is way too much but I don't have a say so. The money goes directly into her account and she can use it how she wants. We have strongly suggested that since we are giving her living money and her dorm is paid for that she should save it for next year when the GI Bill is no longer paying. husband only gave her 12 months of the GI Bill so after that she has to get a loan or get a job.
Anyway, a little over $800 was gone in a period of 4 days. So I thought HMMMMMM why would this be did she have some bills to pay I don't know about from the school? I broke down and gave her a call. She told me she was moving the money to another account so she could get it as cash. UMMMM all the withdrawals are from an ATM you are getting it as cash? I asked her where the money was and she said in a safe in her dorm room. I advised her that she needed to take that money and deposit it back into the accounts ASAP. Loose money in a college dorm is just asking for trouble. When I gently pressed her as to why she was doing this she broke down and said she was dropping out of college and moving to another city with her boyfriend. She wants to attend a Technical college and become a vet tech instead of doing 4 years. Honestly I don't have a problem with her moving or changing colleges. She is attending college to be a veterinarian but I don't have any faith that she will pull it off. If she didn't pull it off she would be a vet tech with a huge college loan. She says she hates her dorm, her roommate, she isn't making friends, and in general life just sucks there.
Wait it gets better she was moving the money so she could use it for a deposit on an apartment so she and boyfriend could live in the new city together. She really thinks that a good apartment complex is going to let two teenagers without jobs sign a lease. Plus the town she would be moving to is not a safe place. Lets just say that I wouldn't want to turn down the wrong street and the city has one of the highest crime rates in the country. So the places she could afford would be in the ghetto and most likely very unsafe. boyfriend is apparently going to foot half the bill for the rent off of money he made this summer working.
Top that off with she thought the government was going to let her keep all that money from the GI Bill. UMMMM Nope they want their cash back and PS it is all on her because it is done in her name under her social. She can fail the classes and they don't care but if she drops out they want it back.
You all would be proud of me though!!! I detached and didn't lose my temper at all. I gave her the following advice.
1. Go see the GI Bill rep at the school and find out the ramifications of dropping out.
2. I suggested she make sure to have a roommate agreement in place before boyfriend and she moved in together to prevent issues.
3. I suggested that since the boyfriend and her have only been together for about 9 months they might want to postpone living together until later. (IE: finish the freshman year in their own rooms then move in together if they are still good)
4. I suggested she let us help her find a safe affordable apartment.
5. Finish the semester and then move during Christmas break. She only has two months left before they get out.
We actually had a decent conversation and she didn't lose her temper with me. Lets see if we can keep this up. LOL