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Update on difficult child who recently moved out. Could it be?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 619674" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hate to be a cynic, but my daughter made many short term changes and then went right back to being not so great again. I would certainly make sure he keeps it up longer, if it were me, and see if he is ready to get a job and pay his own bills too. He may just be doing what he knows you want him to do to get back in your good graces so you will let him come home...our difficult children are no dummies.</p><p></p><p>Unlike you, I'm not a big believer in miracles when it comes to personal behavior. I am not you, but my own method is to sit back and wait and see. And if you allow him back home, set a list of rules that absolutely can not deviate from. If he were my son, one would be he works, and I don't care where, but he also pays rent and his own bills, like the cell and car insurance. He doesn't need to pay 100% of the bill, but his own portion. That's what I make my kids do and all of them have turned out to be hard working adults, even when they are struggling. Even my autistic son is a very hard worker who also doesn't complain about doing chores at home. No slackers here because they slack and they have no money. I'm not a perfect parent by any means, but I think we did it right to force a good work ethic on them.</p><p></p><p>I think it is quite possible his "mental illness" was laziness or drugs, although you say he doesn't take drugs. I've known adult kids to hide it well. His behavior is a lot like one who smokes a lot of pot, although it could be something else too...or just laziness. At any rate, none of us want to believe our adult kids are lacking in character. When they told me my daughter, who was then abusing drugs, had bipolar, I believed it and felt so badly for her and she got the cotton fluff treatment until she went too far. She has been clean for ten years now and clearly does not have bipolar.</p><p></p><p>It is not hard to look up the symptoms and talk a therapist into saying "He's depressed."</p><p></p><p>My weather forecast on this entire situation would be: Cloudy...take extreme caution while driving.</p><p></p><p>Hugs...remember that YOU are as important as your son. Don't let your love for him cloud your vision. Why not neutrally see how long it lasts?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 619674, member: 1550"] Hate to be a cynic, but my daughter made many short term changes and then went right back to being not so great again. I would certainly make sure he keeps it up longer, if it were me, and see if he is ready to get a job and pay his own bills too. He may just be doing what he knows you want him to do to get back in your good graces so you will let him come home...our difficult children are no dummies. Unlike you, I'm not a big believer in miracles when it comes to personal behavior. I am not you, but my own method is to sit back and wait and see. And if you allow him back home, set a list of rules that absolutely can not deviate from. If he were my son, one would be he works, and I don't care where, but he also pays rent and his own bills, like the cell and car insurance. He doesn't need to pay 100% of the bill, but his own portion. That's what I make my kids do and all of them have turned out to be hard working adults, even when they are struggling. Even my autistic son is a very hard worker who also doesn't complain about doing chores at home. No slackers here because they slack and they have no money. I'm not a perfect parent by any means, but I think we did it right to force a good work ethic on them. I think it is quite possible his "mental illness" was laziness or drugs, although you say he doesn't take drugs. I've known adult kids to hide it well. His behavior is a lot like one who smokes a lot of pot, although it could be something else too...or just laziness. At any rate, none of us want to believe our adult kids are lacking in character. When they told me my daughter, who was then abusing drugs, had bipolar, I believed it and felt so badly for her and she got the cotton fluff treatment until she went too far. She has been clean for ten years now and clearly does not have bipolar. It is not hard to look up the symptoms and talk a therapist into saying "He's depressed." My weather forecast on this entire situation would be: Cloudy...take extreme caution while driving. Hugs...remember that YOU are as important as your son. Don't let your love for him cloud your vision. Why not neutrally see how long it lasts? [/QUOTE]
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Update on difficult child who recently moved out. Could it be?
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