Hello my friends,
I had to take a mini break from the board while I tried to figure out what we were going to do. I truly appreciate you all and took all of your opinions into account. I think you all had very valid points . . . from kicking her out and let her sink or swim (and I truly believe it would have been sink) or go with our heats and see if the DBT program could help her.
We have decided to go with our hearts and try the DBT program. She started the program once before at our insistence but stopped going after 3 weeks . . . not enough time to tell if it could have helped. Even our insurance company recommends the DBT program for personality/mood disorders. Of course, difficult child is now too old and it will have to be private pay.
The difference is that she wants to go now. She is saying things like "I want to have a family someday" and "I am afraid I will die if I don't get help." Ever since that night where she broke down sobbing in my arms, my feelings have gone from anger that she doesn't stop drinking and using to believing that she won't be able to until she gets help with the mood disorder.
She is at her first session tonight and is meeting with her new counselor. After this, she will go once a week for an hour private counseling session and then a three hour group session where they work on changing behaviors that lead to bad decisions. I found that they have a DBT program that specializes in substance abuse and I told difficult child she has to be honest with them and make sure they work that program with her.
difficult child has given them permission to talk to us about her therapy. We have agreed to go to the parent program to learn about her disorders and give us strategies for dealing with her. Last time I just kept saying it was too expensive and she was the one with the problem. I spent 10 years being angry at her and that wasn't healthy for either of us.
In return, she is writing up a contract with her counselor about the rules for her living here while she works the DBT program.
Yes, I am well aware that his could all be her just playing us one more time. But honestly, at this point, what's a few more months and more money in exchange for the possibility that we could help our difficult child lead a more or less normal life. Yes, she will always be mentally ill but if they could give her the tools for handling her moods and learn to live a productive life while being bipolar or borderline or whatever . . . it would be worth every penny we have.
If not, at least when she is out on the street or dead, I will know in my heart that we have done everything we could possibly do to give her a fighting chance.
husband's brother was a bipolar alcoholic that drank himself to death while alone in a hotel room at the age of 42. They found him surrounded by empty bottles. That may well be how my difficult child ends up but if I can do anything now to avoid that, I am willing to take that chance.
So for those of you who feel like we are infantilizing her or just rescuing her from her bad behavior one more time, I am sorry that I am letting you down. For those of you who offered your support for whatever we decided to do, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You will never know how much your support means to me.
~Kathy
I had to take a mini break from the board while I tried to figure out what we were going to do. I truly appreciate you all and took all of your opinions into account. I think you all had very valid points . . . from kicking her out and let her sink or swim (and I truly believe it would have been sink) or go with our heats and see if the DBT program could help her.
We have decided to go with our hearts and try the DBT program. She started the program once before at our insistence but stopped going after 3 weeks . . . not enough time to tell if it could have helped. Even our insurance company recommends the DBT program for personality/mood disorders. Of course, difficult child is now too old and it will have to be private pay.
The difference is that she wants to go now. She is saying things like "I want to have a family someday" and "I am afraid I will die if I don't get help." Ever since that night where she broke down sobbing in my arms, my feelings have gone from anger that she doesn't stop drinking and using to believing that she won't be able to until she gets help with the mood disorder.
She is at her first session tonight and is meeting with her new counselor. After this, she will go once a week for an hour private counseling session and then a three hour group session where they work on changing behaviors that lead to bad decisions. I found that they have a DBT program that specializes in substance abuse and I told difficult child she has to be honest with them and make sure they work that program with her.
difficult child has given them permission to talk to us about her therapy. We have agreed to go to the parent program to learn about her disorders and give us strategies for dealing with her. Last time I just kept saying it was too expensive and she was the one with the problem. I spent 10 years being angry at her and that wasn't healthy for either of us.
In return, she is writing up a contract with her counselor about the rules for her living here while she works the DBT program.
Yes, I am well aware that his could all be her just playing us one more time. But honestly, at this point, what's a few more months and more money in exchange for the possibility that we could help our difficult child lead a more or less normal life. Yes, she will always be mentally ill but if they could give her the tools for handling her moods and learn to live a productive life while being bipolar or borderline or whatever . . . it would be worth every penny we have.
If not, at least when she is out on the street or dead, I will know in my heart that we have done everything we could possibly do to give her a fighting chance.
husband's brother was a bipolar alcoholic that drank himself to death while alone in a hotel room at the age of 42. They found him surrounded by empty bottles. That may well be how my difficult child ends up but if I can do anything now to avoid that, I am willing to take that chance.
So for those of you who feel like we are infantilizing her or just rescuing her from her bad behavior one more time, I am sorry that I am letting you down. For those of you who offered your support for whatever we decided to do, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You will never know how much your support means to me.
~Kathy
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