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Update on my Amazing Son
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 133107" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>david, </p><p></p><p>it was interesting to see you write about Justin blaming you for his mother being gone. And most recently the question I had asked our therapist/psychologist was this: "After abuse, after physical aggression, after watching and hearing his father abuse me, after not having any food, after not having new toys, after being taken to places you wouldn't even let a stray opossum venture into at a young age, after not writing or sending a dime in 11 years, and after not kicking drinking, drugs and other women, and making a general mess out of his own life and having nothing to do with raising or growing Dude into a young man = WHY does he still consider him Father and forget all the things that were done and HOW can he continually defend this jerk?" </p><p></p><p>and the answer was simple - </p><p></p><p>"Because a child will always fantasize about the absent parent. They will sometimes fantasize that the parent has gotten their lives together by 'now' and just pining away for their absent child." </p><p></p><p>Once that was put into perspective for me - a lot of "I hate you's" seemed understandable. Not appreciated or accepted, merely understood from a child's point of view. Actually it made me cry, because all this time I thought that Dude hated x just as much as I did for various disgusting reasons...and we forget that children sometimes can forgive and remember things differently in which they choose to give heroic proportions to the absent parent. </p><p></p><p>As far as sleep - no food or drink after 8:00 PM</p><p>Get a copy of WAR AND PEACE </p><p>Make sure your bedroom is clean and dust free-</p><p>Change to a lower wattage bulb for your bedside table </p><p>Turn the TV out after 10 or put on a timer to turn off and leave off</p><p>Read the copy of War and Peace or some other brilliantly boring book - how to shear sheep or growing corn in the andees - I dunno</p><p>Get some sub lingual melatonin at the health food store - liquid under the tongue stuff....</p><p>And also check with your pharmacist about a guide to helping you sleep. Ours had one at one time. Or check on line with the national centers for sleep - maybe a web site has some ideas. </p><p></p><p>My Mom took Lunesta - slept walked. So they gave her Ambien - she set up a video camera and found she was sleep walking with that too - only this time she was making popcorn, eating in bed - leaving the tv on all night - it freaked her out pretty good when she came out of the fog...but the video was pretty hard to dismiss. That and the popcorn kernels. lol </p><p></p><p>I'm glad to know that I am a part of a group that has helped someone. That is my feel-good for today. Thank you. </p><p></p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 133107, member: 4964"] david, it was interesting to see you write about Justin blaming you for his mother being gone. And most recently the question I had asked our therapist/psychologist was this: "After abuse, after physical aggression, after watching and hearing his father abuse me, after not having any food, after not having new toys, after being taken to places you wouldn't even let a stray opossum venture into at a young age, after not writing or sending a dime in 11 years, and after not kicking drinking, drugs and other women, and making a general mess out of his own life and having nothing to do with raising or growing Dude into a young man = WHY does he still consider him Father and forget all the things that were done and HOW can he continually defend this jerk?" and the answer was simple - "Because a child will always fantasize about the absent parent. They will sometimes fantasize that the parent has gotten their lives together by 'now' and just pining away for their absent child." Once that was put into perspective for me - a lot of "I hate you's" seemed understandable. Not appreciated or accepted, merely understood from a child's point of view. Actually it made me cry, because all this time I thought that Dude hated x just as much as I did for various disgusting reasons...and we forget that children sometimes can forgive and remember things differently in which they choose to give heroic proportions to the absent parent. As far as sleep - no food or drink after 8:00 PM Get a copy of WAR AND PEACE Make sure your bedroom is clean and dust free- Change to a lower wattage bulb for your bedside table Turn the TV out after 10 or put on a timer to turn off and leave off Read the copy of War and Peace or some other brilliantly boring book - how to shear sheep or growing corn in the andees - I dunno Get some sub lingual melatonin at the health food store - liquid under the tongue stuff.... And also check with your pharmacist about a guide to helping you sleep. Ours had one at one time. Or check on line with the national centers for sleep - maybe a web site has some ideas. My Mom took Lunesta - slept walked. So they gave her Ambien - she set up a video camera and found she was sleep walking with that too - only this time she was making popcorn, eating in bed - leaving the tv on all night - it freaked her out pretty good when she came out of the fog...but the video was pretty hard to dismiss. That and the popcorn kernels. lol I'm glad to know that I am a part of a group that has helped someone. That is my feel-good for today. Thank you. Star [/QUOTE]
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