Update on my son

[ILMS]

I wrote a few days ago about my son being in jail to pay a fine off after he had stolen our debit card. Well, it only took 1 day for us to see that jail did him abolutely no good at all. He went right back into the old behavior, smoking pot, etc. We did not let him come home, he was supposed to check into places to go live, transitional living, etc., but he decided to stay with some druggie friends instead. He actually had a job interview yesterday at Walgreen's, and the only reason I know that is I got a call on my cell phone regarding the interviewer wanting to ask him another question later on that day. I don't know why he thinks he is going to be able to get a job when he is still smoking pot and who knows what - he knows they will drug test him. Plus he has no transportation - he has never gotten his driver's license and he is 19. He has no money at all, no transportation, and him staying with these "friends" will only last so long. One of his friends (who actually was a friend from church) called me yesterday and told me my son had tried to stay with him and stolen some of his Aderall (he did give it back to him when the friend confronted him - but he made him leave his house). As I said before, he went through a 6-month rehab that only 1 out of 10 graduate from, I was really proud of him and thought he was going to finally turn his life around, I think it is going to come to the point where he has no choice but to go back into rehab. I am going to try to find an Al-Anon to go to, I went to a couple of meetings a few months ago, and then when he was in the rehab, we went twice a week to their AA meetings, and I felt like that was really supportive to me. I want to just be able to detach and not be constantly worried about what my son is doing, and that is so hard to do. I am trying to decide if I should use pressing charges against him for the debit card as a way to get him into rehab or just let the natural consequences of him getting so desperate from not having any money or job, etc., to force him into rehab. I am not even sure how far they would go as it was only about $60.00 he stole - I do hate the thought of him having a felony charge - but I am sure he stole that boy's Aderall to sell it (as he has done that before with his own Aderall), and I know that is a felony, too. Well, I have to make myself be productive today and work. So glad I found this forum, it does give me a lot of comfort knowoing that I am not alone.

 

[Nancy]

ILMS I'm sorry your difficult child has decided he didn't learn anything in jail. in my humble opinion I would let natural consequences catch up with him. My difficult child was doing much the same as your difficult child at age 19, living with drug friends and smoking pot and drinking and getting fired from every job she had, mostly for either not goig to work or stealing from them. She needed to learn the hard way and I had to step out of the way of her learning that.

Good support groups are essential.

 

[toughlovin]

ILMS - How long did he spend in jail? I know with my son a day or two in lockup after being arrested made no difference to him, it was all a big joke. Two weeks in the real jail was really hard and that he agreed to go to rehab after that experience, to avoid more jail time.

I think I personally would have a hard time pressing charges... and using that to get him to rehab will just make him resent you and use you as the excuse not to really do it.... "I did it because my parents pressed charges against me and I had no choice". It would be much more effective to let the natural consequences of his actions let him get to the place where he realizes himself he has no choice.

TL

 

[ILMS]

TL - I agree with you, the more I thought about it today, I do think the natural consequences of his actions will be the best thing to get him to the place where he realizes he has no choice.

As far as jail, it was just a week. We live near Tulsa, it was not the Tulsa jail, it was the jail in our town, which is nothing like Tulsa jail would be.