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Update re: court/bio father
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 451151" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Thanks DDD. I guess I would have understood more if this had been the actual cousin who was hurt by him, that I'd run into at the mall. The cousin I ran into has no history with him, and has previously been a very close family member. I never expected her to act weird around me, I mean she knew what he had done to her sister back when it happened over 35 years ago and it didn't change how she was around me before. We were quite close. It just really hurt to see that change in her simply because I am going through this court process. I mean, I didn't appreciate her sister making sure I knew yet another sordid story but telling me to not speak to police about it, but I understood the desire to not have it come up in her life. But this woman at the mall, well its nothing to do with us. It was very hurtful.</p><p></p><p>I am trying to keep that emotional balance. It's getting more difficult truth be told and its becoming for me now a struggle from day to day. I find myself crying at stupid times, inappropriate times. I had to get anxiety medication to help me, I take them as needed and seems most days at least once I've needed one. Sometimes I think I'm trying too hard to pretend life is normal when frankly nothing about this is normal at all. I have to wonder if I'm not doing myself a disservice trying to always appear to be handling things so well when inside a part of me is ripped apart and raw. If I'm honest with myself, I worry about a big emotional crash coming in my future because what I thought would be a few victims has spiralled into this huge thing with so many people and its almost beyond comprehending fully. I think part of me is at a point its becoming near to impossible to be "the strong one" who others are leaning on. I mean, where do I lean? I have my fantastic S/O, but otherwise I'm very much in the role of being everyone elses rock (or alternately their verbal punching bag) and I'm far from super human. I find myself feeling a bit of anger when people rave at "How well you are handling this all" or "Its amazing how strong you are". It makes one feel that to show a crack in there, to fall apart on the outside as I'm feeling on the inside, somehow fails them since they want to see me this way as a foundation for them to be strong or something. </p><p></p><p>It will be good if this victims services person ever contacts me to help me get set up with a counsellor. I'm at a point I need a uninvolved person to let it all out to, to not be strong for, to just be me. Its unrealistic for others to see me as someone that this doesn't affect much when come on, obviously I'm no different than them. It gets tiring being that person.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 451151, member: 4264"] Thanks DDD. I guess I would have understood more if this had been the actual cousin who was hurt by him, that I'd run into at the mall. The cousin I ran into has no history with him, and has previously been a very close family member. I never expected her to act weird around me, I mean she knew what he had done to her sister back when it happened over 35 years ago and it didn't change how she was around me before. We were quite close. It just really hurt to see that change in her simply because I am going through this court process. I mean, I didn't appreciate her sister making sure I knew yet another sordid story but telling me to not speak to police about it, but I understood the desire to not have it come up in her life. But this woman at the mall, well its nothing to do with us. It was very hurtful. I am trying to keep that emotional balance. It's getting more difficult truth be told and its becoming for me now a struggle from day to day. I find myself crying at stupid times, inappropriate times. I had to get anxiety medication to help me, I take them as needed and seems most days at least once I've needed one. Sometimes I think I'm trying too hard to pretend life is normal when frankly nothing about this is normal at all. I have to wonder if I'm not doing myself a disservice trying to always appear to be handling things so well when inside a part of me is ripped apart and raw. If I'm honest with myself, I worry about a big emotional crash coming in my future because what I thought would be a few victims has spiralled into this huge thing with so many people and its almost beyond comprehending fully. I think part of me is at a point its becoming near to impossible to be "the strong one" who others are leaning on. I mean, where do I lean? I have my fantastic S/O, but otherwise I'm very much in the role of being everyone elses rock (or alternately their verbal punching bag) and I'm far from super human. I find myself feeling a bit of anger when people rave at "How well you are handling this all" or "Its amazing how strong you are". It makes one feel that to show a crack in there, to fall apart on the outside as I'm feeling on the inside, somehow fails them since they want to see me this way as a foundation for them to be strong or something. It will be good if this victims services person ever contacts me to help me get set up with a counsellor. I'm at a point I need a uninvolved person to let it all out to, to not be strong for, to just be me. Its unrealistic for others to see me as someone that this doesn't affect much when come on, obviously I'm no different than them. It gets tiring being that person. [/QUOTE]
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Update re: court/bio father
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