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Update re: court/bio father
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 451322" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I think I'm getting to terms with the women who don't want to come forward, on a logical level I understand. I also know that there is an older generation that was raised much differently than the current generation, these things were not spoke of. I think many older women struggle greatly to overcome that teaching and I'm trying to come even more to terms of acceptance of the choices these women make. I for sure have no right to judge. The part about this cousin (she's actually my mothers cousin, my second cousin) that bothered me was why bother telling my aunt the story, ask her to pass that info along to me, along with the dire statement of not to dare tell the police. I don't see why she bothered to tell me is what bothers me. I know enough, far more than I ever want to know, about the monster that makes up half of my DNA. I know the pain and destruction of lives in his wake. There is nothing to be gained by me personally to hear more horror stories if people aren't wanting to participate in this process. They have a right to keep their pain and past private. But KEEP it private, Know what I mean?? It felt an awful lot like a great way for her to unburden her pain on me, while straddling me with the knowledge that could help convict (this would be a good case due to witnesses). So she may feel relief but she could get that by seeing a counsellor to unload on. Telling me just adds more pain in my heart, more shame in the form of ill treatment by my own previously loving family member (this cousins sister) and I am going to have to get some perspective in order to lose the resentment I feel about that. </p><p></p><p>I'm quite glad to have found both of my sisters, even if my baby sister is not allowed (her mothers choice, standing by my father) to see me right now. I'm glad to have found the one aunt who has been wonderful, not just in this process but as a person becoming a real part of me and the kids family. The others I'm grateful I don't have to see or know. I can learn to be more respectful of their choices to stay silent, but I couldn't handle playing nice and friendly when they have the tools to help protect others. </p><p></p><p>I'm very anxious for victim services at the police to get in touch (why they haven't yet is a mystery, the detective is NOT impressed). They will have the information to help me find a counsellor that I can afford and I know that it will be a huge help going forward through this entire process to have a outsider to speak to and let it all out too. Can't happen soon enough for me. I've considered going to speak to someone at the sexual assault center here in town but they don't do ongoing counselling and I'd prefer to find someone who can stick with me start to finish. I'm open here with you all, but there is anonymity and more than a decade of history shared with the board. In real life, I'm not wanting to start with one person and switch to another if that makes sense.</p><p></p><p>I have thought if it could be a babysitter too, it seems so unlike his pattern to go far outside family. He has chosen family or family connections from all we know. But nothing about him would shock me. We've even wondered if there isn't a history unknown to us all of attacks on strangers because somehow he went from violent attacks to choosing victims he can overpower (young girls) without needing the same level of violence. But for someone who started out so violent, we wonder how he curbed that need in himself if not with the young girls he hurt. I waiver between hoping we find out as much as possible about his past, and hoping I never learn a single new piece of information, never learn of a single additional victim. I'm plumb out of resources to continue to absorb all of this. To think only a couple of years ago I felt alone, I suspect he abused my former step sister around the same time i lived there, but never knew for sure. But I never imagined all of this. This continues to grow in scope and each new victim does something altogether new and worse to my spirit. I am very anxious for this to be over. I don't want it to take such a toll that what started out as something I was proud to have brought to justice turns out to be a regret due to what it does to me personally. I also fear if, as happens all too much, he walks from all of this, what the other victims will be feeling. Will they blame me from opening this huge can of worms and all for nothing? It's a heavy weight.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 451322, member: 4264"] I think I'm getting to terms with the women who don't want to come forward, on a logical level I understand. I also know that there is an older generation that was raised much differently than the current generation, these things were not spoke of. I think many older women struggle greatly to overcome that teaching and I'm trying to come even more to terms of acceptance of the choices these women make. I for sure have no right to judge. The part about this cousin (she's actually my mothers cousin, my second cousin) that bothered me was why bother telling my aunt the story, ask her to pass that info along to me, along with the dire statement of not to dare tell the police. I don't see why she bothered to tell me is what bothers me. I know enough, far more than I ever want to know, about the monster that makes up half of my DNA. I know the pain and destruction of lives in his wake. There is nothing to be gained by me personally to hear more horror stories if people aren't wanting to participate in this process. They have a right to keep their pain and past private. But KEEP it private, Know what I mean?? It felt an awful lot like a great way for her to unburden her pain on me, while straddling me with the knowledge that could help convict (this would be a good case due to witnesses). So she may feel relief but she could get that by seeing a counsellor to unload on. Telling me just adds more pain in my heart, more shame in the form of ill treatment by my own previously loving family member (this cousins sister) and I am going to have to get some perspective in order to lose the resentment I feel about that. I'm quite glad to have found both of my sisters, even if my baby sister is not allowed (her mothers choice, standing by my father) to see me right now. I'm glad to have found the one aunt who has been wonderful, not just in this process but as a person becoming a real part of me and the kids family. The others I'm grateful I don't have to see or know. I can learn to be more respectful of their choices to stay silent, but I couldn't handle playing nice and friendly when they have the tools to help protect others. I'm very anxious for victim services at the police to get in touch (why they haven't yet is a mystery, the detective is NOT impressed). They will have the information to help me find a counsellor that I can afford and I know that it will be a huge help going forward through this entire process to have a outsider to speak to and let it all out too. Can't happen soon enough for me. I've considered going to speak to someone at the sexual assault center here in town but they don't do ongoing counselling and I'd prefer to find someone who can stick with me start to finish. I'm open here with you all, but there is anonymity and more than a decade of history shared with the board. In real life, I'm not wanting to start with one person and switch to another if that makes sense. I have thought if it could be a babysitter too, it seems so unlike his pattern to go far outside family. He has chosen family or family connections from all we know. But nothing about him would shock me. We've even wondered if there isn't a history unknown to us all of attacks on strangers because somehow he went from violent attacks to choosing victims he can overpower (young girls) without needing the same level of violence. But for someone who started out so violent, we wonder how he curbed that need in himself if not with the young girls he hurt. I waiver between hoping we find out as much as possible about his past, and hoping I never learn a single new piece of information, never learn of a single additional victim. I'm plumb out of resources to continue to absorb all of this. To think only a couple of years ago I felt alone, I suspect he abused my former step sister around the same time i lived there, but never knew for sure. But I never imagined all of this. This continues to grow in scope and each new victim does something altogether new and worse to my spirit. I am very anxious for this to be over. I don't want it to take such a toll that what started out as something I was proud to have brought to justice turns out to be a regret due to what it does to me personally. I also fear if, as happens all too much, he walks from all of this, what the other victims will be feeling. Will they blame me from opening this huge can of worms and all for nothing? It's a heavy weight. [/QUOTE]
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