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Update: The waters of de Nile are calm.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 655447" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>From experience, I don't think talking to him will do anything except make you more stressed out. These kids do what they decide to do and defy risks (some like the risks) and your son is 26. He is not going to listen to your warnings. He probably already knows anything you will tell him, might even get MORE determined to do it. I have learned that "less is more." I actually do not give concrete advice or warnings to any of my adult kids. It is none of my business and legally t here is nothing I can do.</p><p></p><p>I cut crazy talk short (fortunately haven't had any in a while) and often just go "Yep" or "Whatever you want to do" "It's your choice and responsibility what you do" "Ok" "I have to walk the dog" "I will talk to you later. Right now I have company." I don't give advice at all unless it is specifically asked for and during those times I try very hard to be gentle with th e advice. Even our well adjusted grown kids don't want Mom telling them what to do. All of my kids, at one time, have said things that I found outrageous and I just go along with it because it wont' stop them and it's none of my business and I don't want them to feel rebellious. </p><p></p><p>Good luck. I know it's hard for you to talk to son. Maybe go low contact now and stop asking him about his plans or his life. Just limit talk to the weather and benign topics and to only a few minutes. Then you can gently say you have to see somebody now so you have to go and tell him you love him. Don't read texts either until you are feeling very strong and answer with one or two words. "That's nice." "I see." You don't even have to really read them. Take good care of YOU. I think you get it, it's just hard to do it, but you can get used to doing it too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 655447, member: 1550"] From experience, I don't think talking to him will do anything except make you more stressed out. These kids do what they decide to do and defy risks (some like the risks) and your son is 26. He is not going to listen to your warnings. He probably already knows anything you will tell him, might even get MORE determined to do it. I have learned that "less is more." I actually do not give concrete advice or warnings to any of my adult kids. It is none of my business and legally t here is nothing I can do. I cut crazy talk short (fortunately haven't had any in a while) and often just go "Yep" or "Whatever you want to do" "It's your choice and responsibility what you do" "Ok" "I have to walk the dog" "I will talk to you later. Right now I have company." I don't give advice at all unless it is specifically asked for and during those times I try very hard to be gentle with th e advice. Even our well adjusted grown kids don't want Mom telling them what to do. All of my kids, at one time, have said things that I found outrageous and I just go along with it because it wont' stop them and it's none of my business and I don't want them to feel rebellious. Good luck. I know it's hard for you to talk to son. Maybe go low contact now and stop asking him about his plans or his life. Just limit talk to the weather and benign topics and to only a few minutes. Then you can gently say you have to see somebody now so you have to go and tell him you love him. Don't read texts either until you are feeling very strong and answer with one or two words. "That's nice." "I see." You don't even have to really read them. Take good care of YOU. I think you get it, it's just hard to do it, but you can get used to doing it too. [/QUOTE]
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Update: The waters of de Nile are calm.
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