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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 89148" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>OK Mikey, I see that you feel you cannot get any control over the home situation. So it's time to accept that and detach from it. Do nice things with your wife; go out to dinner or other outings that both of you would enjoy. Set boundries; demand that while on dates no kids will be disscussed. Wife will not adhere at first that is normal, just keep changing the subject if she tries to make the kids the focus of your date night conversations. </p><p></p><p>Take dancer out to do things both of you enjoy also. Go fishing with Sarge or to a sporting event or anything else the two of you might enjoy doing together. Fill your life with nice things and positive interactions. Do not enter into the Mcweedy chaos. When wife askes you to back her up on some issue with him just say "listen to your mother she has your best interest at heart" and go back to what you were doing. </p><p></p><p>If wife continues to try to pull you into her argument just say you need to use the bathroom or some other excuse to leave the room and stay away until you are confident the crisis is over and they have retired to their corners. In other words REMOVE yourself from the discordant mix but still interact with all in positive ways.</p><p></p><p>I am in total agreement with Janet. I was in this very same situation with my family when i was trying to save my difficult child from drugs and bad friends. I learned that we each evolve to "the need to detach" at different rates. Your wife isn't there and the conflict it causes between you and her is hurting Dancer and your marriage. </p><p></p><p>I finally stoped harping on what I thought needed to be done and let each of my family members evolve on their own. When they saw that even though I was the one who had been most hurt I was also the one with the most acceptance and peace they began to tune in to what I was doing. </p><p></p><p>When they asked for my advicee and began arguing or debating it I would just say "You asked for my advice (or opinion) I am giving it. You can do what you want with it but I am not going to argue with you or debate it." </p><p></p><p>It took me a while but I learned I could lead without conflict. I now lead by example and gentle nudging. I wanted peace in my life and I came to realize that I could create that in the midst of all the chaos around me. It is hard work at first but it becomes easier and easier over time and with practice. I do slip from time to time but I get over it quickly and go back to what works for me.</p><p></p><p>So, focus on your needs. Persue your own happiness. Find your peace and others will follow. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 89148, member: 2315"] OK Mikey, I see that you feel you cannot get any control over the home situation. So it's time to accept that and detach from it. Do nice things with your wife; go out to dinner or other outings that both of you would enjoy. Set boundries; demand that while on dates no kids will be disscussed. Wife will not adhere at first that is normal, just keep changing the subject if she tries to make the kids the focus of your date night conversations. Take dancer out to do things both of you enjoy also. Go fishing with Sarge or to a sporting event or anything else the two of you might enjoy doing together. Fill your life with nice things and positive interactions. Do not enter into the Mcweedy chaos. When wife askes you to back her up on some issue with him just say "listen to your mother she has your best interest at heart" and go back to what you were doing. If wife continues to try to pull you into her argument just say you need to use the bathroom or some other excuse to leave the room and stay away until you are confident the crisis is over and they have retired to their corners. In other words REMOVE yourself from the discordant mix but still interact with all in positive ways. I am in total agreement with Janet. I was in this very same situation with my family when i was trying to save my difficult child from drugs and bad friends. I learned that we each evolve to "the need to detach" at different rates. Your wife isn't there and the conflict it causes between you and her is hurting Dancer and your marriage. I finally stoped harping on what I thought needed to be done and let each of my family members evolve on their own. When they saw that even though I was the one who had been most hurt I was also the one with the most acceptance and peace they began to tune in to what I was doing. When they asked for my advicee and began arguing or debating it I would just say "You asked for my advice (or opinion) I am giving it. You can do what you want with it but I am not going to argue with you or debate it." It took me a while but I learned I could lead without conflict. I now lead by example and gentle nudging. I wanted peace in my life and I came to realize that I could create that in the midst of all the chaos around me. It is hard work at first but it becomes easier and easier over time and with practice. I do slip from time to time but I get over it quickly and go back to what works for me. So, focus on your needs. Persue your own happiness. Find your peace and others will follow. -RM [/QUOTE]
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