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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 247697" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Did you ever do debating in school? Where you had to argue for a case you didn't necessarily agree with, and know the opposing team were in the same boat? If you can mentally detach in th same way and at least while you're standing up in court, keep reminding yourself that this is her doing her job regardless of what she personally believes... maybe it will help. That's why it can help (as I suggested earlier) to have some idea of why she is donig this. But since it isn't very apparent as to why, apart from perhaps protecting her own rear because of her own insecurities as to competence (everyone eventually gets promoted beyond their ability to cope, maybe she knows she's not good at her job and goes into attack mode before someone attacks her). If you can keep thinking to yourself, "It's just a debagte, she's just the person from the opposing team," maybe it will help you detach. The trouble is, she's supposed to be on YOUR team, or at least difficult child's.</p><p></p><p>Do you have the opportunity to politely speak up and say, "Excuse me, I feel I need to clarify - I ensured the PO got copies of my notes on this very topic, here is a copy of my letter describing self-harming behaviour, letter dated xx/xx/xx plus attached was report form psychiatrist also expressing concern as to difficult child's metnal health and self-harm. THis is a complex case, it's possible the PO has overlooked these notes in her files because I know they should be there."</p><p></p><p>Give her rope. Be openly generous in giving her a way out, although do make sure you're not being too generous with rope. Instead of saying, "maybe I forgot to tell her," even when you know you didn't, make it clear you've given her everything and perhaps she's just been too busy (ie lazy) or found the wording too technical (ie she's too dumb) or forgot (she's mentally not up to the job). Each "out" is there for her to take, but has a sting to it. That's the payoff for her feeling she needs to have an easy cop-out.</p><p></p><p>The main focus is difficult child. Frankly, what the PO thinks of you doesn't matter. In fact, the more she bags you out, while you just stand there and SHOW by your manner, your preparation, your record that she is very wrong, the more she condemns everything else she says.</p><p></p><p>You could also say, if she ever says again, "I think the mother should be held accountable," something like, </p><p>"If punishing me would help my son then please, do it. However, the issue here is not something I have done or not done, this is deeper and goes right to difficult child's mental health."</p><p></p><p>Sometimes seeming to initially agree, or even agreeing wholeheartedly, to the part of what she says that you DO agree with, can take the wind out of their sails. How then can they accuse you of being automatically oppositional? "She disagrees with everything I say, she's trying to undermine me," sounds like the way the PO is thinking (and probably telling other people). So when you agree with her, even if only in part, it shows that you are being more balanced, more considered, about all of this. And the people that really matter should pick up on this.</p><p></p><p>Have you read the thread on Watercooler about Octo-Mum? Take note of the sort of attitudes people are critical of this mother for. Think - what could Octo_mum do to turn around this criticism? If this criticism is unwarranted, how can she turn around public opinion?</p><p>Now make this your own - your name is blackened like Octo-Mum's, due to PO's blabbing about rubbish. So how do you behave, in order to simply demonstrate (instead of protesting loudly) that PO has been lying?</p><p>What you do is pretty much what you HAVE been doing - have all reports ready, be prepared, have your files sorted, have spare copies of all important letters ready, hand over paperwork as (preferably almost before) it's requested (try to anticipate). Stay quiet, stay calm, do not let them see you sweat, as someone else said. YOu can still show you're angry but in controlled ways. For example, when I get angry the volume of my voice drops, my pitch drops and my word rate drops. I will sometimes stand quietly waiting for others to recognise that I am waiting to say what needs to be said, but will not wait for long. I'm told that when I get REALLY angry, my eyes change colour. I am not the pounding fist on desk type of angry person, I'm more the quiet but intense whisperer. An intense whisper can carry just as far as a shout. And be far more chilling.</p><p></p><p>A really good word to use against ANY professional, is "inappropriate". It has specific meaning, usually associated with concepts such as unprofessional, sloppy, lazy, and a few other choice words. Don't over-use this, but it is a word that will make others sit up and take notice. </p><p></p><p>Go carefully. Seriously think aboutwhat the PO says and if at any time she says something that is CLEARLY outside her area of practice, well outside what she should be concernnig herself with, then go ahead and use that word.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 247697, member: 1991"] Did you ever do debating in school? Where you had to argue for a case you didn't necessarily agree with, and know the opposing team were in the same boat? If you can mentally detach in th same way and at least while you're standing up in court, keep reminding yourself that this is her doing her job regardless of what she personally believes... maybe it will help. That's why it can help (as I suggested earlier) to have some idea of why she is donig this. But since it isn't very apparent as to why, apart from perhaps protecting her own rear because of her own insecurities as to competence (everyone eventually gets promoted beyond their ability to cope, maybe she knows she's not good at her job and goes into attack mode before someone attacks her). If you can keep thinking to yourself, "It's just a debagte, she's just the person from the opposing team," maybe it will help you detach. The trouble is, she's supposed to be on YOUR team, or at least difficult child's. Do you have the opportunity to politely speak up and say, "Excuse me, I feel I need to clarify - I ensured the PO got copies of my notes on this very topic, here is a copy of my letter describing self-harming behaviour, letter dated xx/xx/xx plus attached was report form psychiatrist also expressing concern as to difficult child's metnal health and self-harm. THis is a complex case, it's possible the PO has overlooked these notes in her files because I know they should be there." Give her rope. Be openly generous in giving her a way out, although do make sure you're not being too generous with rope. Instead of saying, "maybe I forgot to tell her," even when you know you didn't, make it clear you've given her everything and perhaps she's just been too busy (ie lazy) or found the wording too technical (ie she's too dumb) or forgot (she's mentally not up to the job). Each "out" is there for her to take, but has a sting to it. That's the payoff for her feeling she needs to have an easy cop-out. The main focus is difficult child. Frankly, what the PO thinks of you doesn't matter. In fact, the more she bags you out, while you just stand there and SHOW by your manner, your preparation, your record that she is very wrong, the more she condemns everything else she says. You could also say, if she ever says again, "I think the mother should be held accountable," something like, "If punishing me would help my son then please, do it. However, the issue here is not something I have done or not done, this is deeper and goes right to difficult child's mental health." Sometimes seeming to initially agree, or even agreeing wholeheartedly, to the part of what she says that you DO agree with, can take the wind out of their sails. How then can they accuse you of being automatically oppositional? "She disagrees with everything I say, she's trying to undermine me," sounds like the way the PO is thinking (and probably telling other people). So when you agree with her, even if only in part, it shows that you are being more balanced, more considered, about all of this. And the people that really matter should pick up on this. Have you read the thread on Watercooler about Octo-Mum? Take note of the sort of attitudes people are critical of this mother for. Think - what could Octo_mum do to turn around this criticism? If this criticism is unwarranted, how can she turn around public opinion? Now make this your own - your name is blackened like Octo-Mum's, due to PO's blabbing about rubbish. So how do you behave, in order to simply demonstrate (instead of protesting loudly) that PO has been lying? What you do is pretty much what you HAVE been doing - have all reports ready, be prepared, have your files sorted, have spare copies of all important letters ready, hand over paperwork as (preferably almost before) it's requested (try to anticipate). Stay quiet, stay calm, do not let them see you sweat, as someone else said. YOu can still show you're angry but in controlled ways. For example, when I get angry the volume of my voice drops, my pitch drops and my word rate drops. I will sometimes stand quietly waiting for others to recognise that I am waiting to say what needs to be said, but will not wait for long. I'm told that when I get REALLY angry, my eyes change colour. I am not the pounding fist on desk type of angry person, I'm more the quiet but intense whisperer. An intense whisper can carry just as far as a shout. And be far more chilling. A really good word to use against ANY professional, is "inappropriate". It has specific meaning, usually associated with concepts such as unprofessional, sloppy, lazy, and a few other choice words. Don't over-use this, but it is a word that will make others sit up and take notice. Go carefully. Seriously think aboutwhat the PO says and if at any time she says something that is CLEARLY outside her area of practice, well outside what she should be concernnig herself with, then go ahead and use that word. Marg [/QUOTE]
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