Update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Sue C, Apr 3, 2007.

  1. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Melissa - Has not complained about her job since the second day when she whacked her forehead and got the huge lump/bruise. She's been working mandatory 9 and 10 hour days. She's been spending time with friends after work and on the weekends, so we haven't had any "encounters" lately. She had a fender bender a few days ago. She continues to rack up purchases on her Visa. She says she understands she needs to work at paying the cards off but that is to be seen if she follows through. Her bedroom and bathroom are a pigsty. She keeps promising to clean them but doesn't. Not quite sure how to handle that. I've been leaving it up to husband, but he hasn't gotten her to clean them yet, either.

    As far as the two tickets she had received, an attorney we know at church happened to ask about Melissa and I had mentioned the tickets. He said let him call the assistant D.A. and see what he could do. I/Melissa did not ask for his help. The vandalism ticket was dismissed. (She had made restitution to the school for the broken window, so I guess that is why.) The disorderly conduct ticket dollar amount was lowered. However, because Melissa had plead not guilty, the amount with court costs nearly equals the amount of the original ticket. She has 60 days to pay it.

    Angela - She is presently in Los Angeles on her very first business trip. She was quite excited to go!

    Me - No job yet. I'm keeping very busy with promoting my husband's business. I'm keeping up with going to Curves 3 times/week. I'm reading Stop Walking on Eggshells and am learning a lot about how Melissa must think/feel. (husband and I are thinking she does have borderline personality disorder.) I feel so much more calm now. If she does try to engage, I simply walk away.

    husband - He is being very understanding about my not finding a job yet.

    husband and I finally do not talk about Melissa in every conversation. Thank goodness!

    Sue
     
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    All in all a good update Sue. Let Melissa learn about financial matters on her own. The spending stuff is typical for borderlines. We need to feel that rush! She is working which is good.

    Keep detaching from the battles. Remember she is grown now and you dont have to rescue her anymore. Close the door to her room and walk on by.
     
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I agree. A very good update.

    My easy child usually only pays the minimum on her credit cards. Except if they get a good tax return or something she'll make a large payment. But she uses them all of the time, so I don't see what difference it makes.

    I had a talk with her when she got them. Now I leave it alone. T uses prepaid cards.

    I haven't seen any hint of the spending bug with N yet. I hope I don't. Her sister has it bad enough.lol

    Learning finances I think can be difficult for both easy child and difficult child alike. Experience can be the best teacher.

    Hugs
     
  4. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Yes, you guys are right in that experience will have to be Melissa's teacher with her finances. I worry somewhat that she has gotten herself into a financial diasaster at such a young age. Plus with only making $8.50/hour, she is not going to be able to move out unless she finds someone to live with. (she is too afraid to live alone anyway)

    She is trying to save the money for some transmission work she's having done on her '74 Nova which she races. husband is doing trade custom paint work for the transmission guy's labor, but she has to come up with the money for the parts. She has half the money so far.

    Janet -- wish I could post a photo of Melissa's bedroom. You cannot close the door. There's too much stuff. I guess I could shove it in and then close the door. That's a good thought. But her bathroom is the main bathroom that if anyone stops over has to use. There is lots of stuff in there and she doesn't clean it.

    Gosh--when Angela lived at home, I thought her bedroom was bad. Ha! Melissa has her beat hands down. (although Angela used to leave dirty dishes/glasses for days in her bedroom and Melissa does not do that)

    Sue
     
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    It sounds like in most ways she is doing good, so it may be a good time to choose your battles. I think I would close her bedroom door and not worry about it, but the bathroom, since it's the main one, I would just clean it myself. That is pretty much what I do for my easy child daughter. Her bedroom is right across from the main bathroom, so I feel she isn't the only one using it and others are, so I clean it. Sometimes it even involves picking up her dirty laundry off the floor and chucking on her bedroom floor, but it's not worth the embarassment to me to have someone else go in there and use it and think I'm the slob! I pretty much check it every morning after she leaves for school, so it only takes a second to do a quick clean up and then it doesn't get away from me.

    Great to hear she likes her job, isn't complaining, and most of all is putting in a lot of hours. Nothing better then a busy difficult child!!!
     
  6. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Karen -- I think I may just do what you say today and clean Melissa's bathroom. I think husband will say it is Melissa's responsibility, but it just isn't happening and it is a source of irritation to both of us!

    Right now there must be 5 days' worth of clothtes on the floor. Another big thing is the counter is FULL of her makeup, etc. Plus she buys new shampoos/conditioners all the time 'cuz she always thinks there's a better one out there, so all those bottles are sitting around. I don't know which ones she likes. There are books/notebooks on the floor next to the tub for when she takes a bath; I'll just put those in her bedroom (where they will get lost in the disaster--oh well). There is only one small under-the-sink cupboard in the bathroom that already is full of stuff. Maybe if I at least get everything off the floor and clean everything else (except the counter which is covered), husband and I can give a sigh of relief if anyone needs to use our bathroom. :smile:

    p.s. I haven't mentioned about her hanging around with Pat (from 8th grade) at the bars and also Brandon (on occasion when he feels like seeing her). I can't let myself get upset thinking about what she's doing with these two guys.

    Sue
     
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

     
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ]

    Me - No job yet. I'm keeping very busy with promoting my husband's business. I'm keeping up with going to Curves 3 times/week. I'm reading Stop Walking on Eggshells and am learning a lot about how Melissa must think/feel. (husband and I are thinking she does have borderline personality disorder.) I feel so much more calm now. If she does try to engage, I simply walk away.

    husband - He is being very understanding about my not finding a job yet.

    husband and I finally do not talk about Melissa in every conversation. Thank goodness!

    Sue [/quote</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

    Glad you and husband are making taking care of yourselves a priority -RM </div></div>
     
  9. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I would pick up the clothes, books, anything else on the floor and just chuck it into her bedroom floor. Don't do it neatly or organize anything, just put in on her floor. If she comments about it, tell her others use that bathroom and it's unnacceptable and if she wants it done neatly, to do it herself.
    I would spend sometime cleaning it up the first time, then keep up with it everyday, just chucking her stuff back in her room as she leaves it. Maybe she'll eventually get the hint and stop leaving stuff in there.
     
  10. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    RM -- Thanks. I hadn't thought about it that that was what husband and I are doing, but I guess we are. :smile:

    Karen -- I wish I could post a photo. Seriously, there is NO uncovered floor space in her room. Maybe I'll just throw everything onto her bed. She's been sleeping on the couch anyway with the TV on.........or sleeping at Pat's or Brandon's (but we won't go there--uh oh, guess you can tell it does bother me--but at least I've stopped saying anything to her about it).

    The other day she asked if we'd put her dresser in the basement and just let her have Rubbermaid bins in her rooms to use to put her clothes in. Now wouldn't that look nice. Then again, it would look a heck of a lot better than it does right now!!!

    Sue
     
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