Well, this may be odd, but this is an update on ME! My daughter, AKA difficult child, is the same. Not much has changed for her. However, my life has changed dramatically. As many of you know, I began a Codependency Program on November 1st, 2011. Last night I had my final appointment with my therapist through that program. We essentially tied up the last 22 months of my 'recovery' completing this particular leg of the journey. She told me that the goal of the program is to be able to have a fulfilling life in spite of what the "other" (difficult child, husband, wife, mother, father, ANYONE) is doing or not doing, once someone reaches that criteria, they are considered to be recovered.................when I heard that at the beginning of this process, I would never have believed I could have gotten to this point............as many of you have heard me say, repeatedly, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I always advise others on this crazy path to seek professional help, to look for groups, to find support in whatever form, because this is just so hard to do. But, it is not impossible. To literally tear oneself away from the drama/trauma/choices of a difficult child, regardless of whether it is due to mental illness, substance abuse or a conduct disorder, or any of the above, is literally devastating and filled with a lot of sorrow, anger, resentment and pain. Yikes. What a journey. I am okay. I am healthy. I feel peace of mind, which was my ultimate goal. I have cut some invisible cord with my grown up daughter which tied me to her in damaging and negative ways. She may or may not rise to the surface and prevail, I don't know, but it is no longer anything I can do anything about. I am clear just how powerless I truly am and that knowledge has liberated me and changed my life. I've accepted what I cannot change. In learning how to set boundaries around negative behavior in my daughter, I discovered how to do that with everyone and it changed a few of my relationships irreparably. Once a line is drawn to only permit healthy, kind and caring access to your inner circle, the line is permanent and impenetrable...............it's left me with less people in my life, I had to make difficult choices, but I gained more authenticity, self respect and self love. It's been challenging at times, but I had a strong commitment to change what I could inside myself in relationship to my daughter............I didn't know how much that would change the rest of my life as well. There is so much in life we have no control over and recognizing what that is, is not only liberating it is exhilarating, it frees me up to focus on myself and stop focusing on the (MANY) things I have no control over. Whew! Today my granddaughter began her Senior year in High School, a very exciting time in the life of a young person. I am going along for the ride and watching her navigate through this is a joy. MY SO and I are planning our retirement years once our little bird leaves the nest............there's a new adventure 'out there' and I'm now available for it. Last night felt important, the end of a long and painful chapter in my life............ and today feels like page one of the next book, not a new chapter, a whole new book! It's time.