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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 58921" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Hi Traci,</p><p>what a beautiful posting! I am so glad you have found yourself again. You are right, it is so hard to realize that you can be happy despite your child's actions and bad decisions. That was very hard for me to accept, that I could be happy even if my child was miserable. It wasn't going to make any difference to her, was not going to help her for me to be miserable, but we are so tied to our children that it is hard to feel okay about not taking on their misery.</p><p></p><p>If you have other children it is especially important to maintain your own identity and life. They will bend over backwards to make things okay for you, to make up for the misery the difficult child child is causing--not fair to them or anyone else. They need a good example--that because the difficult child is making bad choices doesn't mean everyone else's life has to come to a standstill. Also, for the difficult child herself, it is not good for her to have that kind of power over others.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child 1 and I are getting along very well now that we are no longer enmeshed in each other's lives. The freedom I feel is wonderful--I no longer am shouldering her burdens and can just accept her for who she is or appears to be. I think she feels the same--she is in control of her life now and doesn't have to answer to me. We are relating as 2 separate adults now.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for the posting,</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 58921, member: 3450"] Hi Traci, what a beautiful posting! I am so glad you have found yourself again. You are right, it is so hard to realize that you can be happy despite your child's actions and bad decisions. That was very hard for me to accept, that I could be happy even if my child was miserable. It wasn't going to make any difference to her, was not going to help her for me to be miserable, but we are so tied to our children that it is hard to feel okay about not taking on their misery. If you have other children it is especially important to maintain your own identity and life. They will bend over backwards to make things okay for you, to make up for the misery the difficult child child is causing--not fair to them or anyone else. They need a good example--that because the difficult child is making bad choices doesn't mean everyone else's life has to come to a standstill. Also, for the difficult child herself, it is not good for her to have that kind of power over others. My difficult child 1 and I are getting along very well now that we are no longer enmeshed in each other's lives. The freedom I feel is wonderful--I no longer am shouldering her burdens and can just accept her for who she is or appears to be. I think she feels the same--she is in control of her life now and doesn't have to answer to me. We are relating as 2 separate adults now. Thanks for the posting, Jane [/QUOTE]
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