Jane, I think your plan is a good one. You need to take the load off your daughter's shoulders and dump at least some of it back on this girl. SHE must be prepared to make a call on this and not leave it to someone else to "fix it" for her. Part of her making the call is to formally tell an adult (instead of just dumping on an equally powerless ie under-age friend and to kick around and decide, "Do I want you to call, or not?"
It's part of taking personal responsibility. It is hard to do. But the upside of it (tell her this) is that IF she is telling the truth about this, then DOING something active will immediately reduce her stress levels from this. And even asking another adult to take action on her behalf, is doing something.
But the load shouldn't be dumped onto another child. Not fair to the other child.
I also have worried as to whether this could just be a difficult child telling only her side of the story, or embellishing it just a bit too much. If this has been talked about for the past two years then the friend might simply have been venting as usual, but your soft-hearted daughter takes it to heart maybe more than friend expected. If friend was angry at her parents then a spur of the moment rage could have been misinterpreted by your daughter.
I've got into trouble doing this before, so this time I emphasise - when I say I'm being "Devil's Advocate", I AM NOT saying, "This is what I believe". I am merely explaining how there is a POSSIBLE alternative explanation. That may be far-fetched, or highly likely. I don't know. I'm not there.
So here goes with the Devil's Advocate point of view - what if this is a difficult child who has been a real handful to her parents? What if the yelling that you hear has been instigated by her yelling at her parents. And even good parents yell back sometimes (however much we remind each other, we shouldn't yell because it achieves nothing). What if what she has been saying to your daughter is exaggeration? What if she didn't really intend your daughter to make a formal complaint on her behalf (or expected CPS to not take it seriously, coming form a child - or to not act against a child making a false complaint)?
If this is the case, then when you question her she could well either get angry, or backpedal fast. Angry is highly likely, and could indicate things have got out of her control more than she expected. If she gets angry a lot of it will be directed towards your daughter, for 'talking' to you. But your daughter did the right thing - telling an adult she trusts (ie parent) is a very sensible first step towards making a complaint on behalf of her friend. If her friend is angry with her for this, that is a good thing. Maybe she will learn to not make such serious statements frivolously. And if she cuts herself out of your lives - good. It won't happen if she told the truth.
But what if the girl is telling the truth? She may still be a bit startled by your questioning because she has been conditioned to believe parent figures to be untrustworthy and dangerous. She might downplay the severity of the problem. Here is where your radar for lies needs to be switched on to overdrive.
Third scenario (still Devil's Advocate) - what if there is SOME truth to what she's saying, but not enough to justify a complaint?
Example - she says her parents always took her wages. Some parents do this. Or maybe they took her pay packet from her (partly to double-check that she had been paid, and also that she hadn't then gone on a silly spending spree), removed some money for board and then either given her back the rest or put it in a bank account in her name? Also bear in mind - in some families, the habit of taking all the children's earnings (and often that of other workers in the household) is common practice. It's a cultural thing where everybody is expected to contribute to the utmost to the benefit of the family as a unit. I don't like it, but in some cultures this is seen as usual.
This girl has lost a job. She claims a friend lost her job for her. How could a friend lose a job? Did something like this really happen, or is this girl refusing to accept personal responsibility and looking to find ways to always place blame on others?
The girl is sneaking out at night to visit your daughter. What would you think if your difficult child was sneaking out at night to see this girl (or someone else)? And what else is she likely to be doing when she sneaks out?
And one BIG final question - I could be misunderstanding because of cultural/social differences between Australia and the US here, but - IF this girl has abusive parents who should be reported, and who are so abusive that she is scared to report them herself, then why doesn't she just run away? Or go and report this to a teacher? A priest? Anybody? Especially an adult? (I know someone else has raised this) Because if she can sneak out at night to visit your daughter, then she can sneak out and plan an escape just as readily.
Picture this - "I'm a prisoner at home. I have no money of my own - my parents took it all. I'm not allowed to make phone calls so I can't report this myself. I'm not allowed to go anywhere with friends, I get beaten and yelled at all the time. I'm a prisoner, they have me on a tight leash."
But where and when is she saying this? in YOUR home, a potential sanctuary. If she can sneak out to your home, she can sneak out to the police station.
So talk to her by all means, but watch closely and carefully. And reassure your daughter - she did the right thing in telling you. Any bad consequences from here are NOT your daughter's fault. She needs to know this.
You need to report this, if only because there is (in my opinion) reasonable doubt. But be prepared for the claims to be false. Or true. Or half-true.
I had a friend and neighbour (when I was 15/16) whose father kept her on a very tight leash. She wasn't permitted to have a boyfriend, not even as a pen-pal. When she met a boy at her friend's house she was banned from visiting ANY friends. The restrictions were extreme. And I knew why but could do nothing to help her - I knew her father was a pedophile, because he'd molested me (I stopped visiting her because I was afraid of him). She did not know he had attacked me, I never told her. With hindsight maybe I should have - but what good would it have done? She probably would have called me a liar.
The situations young girls can be in are sometimes far too complex for them to handle. Life is just not fair sometimes.
Marg