Vent...Its always all my fault!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, Jul 30, 2007.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This time I am ticked with my oldest. Actually he tends to irritate me quite a bit because he can be so exasperating.

    He always blames other people for everything that happens to him. He also tends to bend the truth shall we say to fit his own warped reality.

    Today just took the cake. Before Billy left to go live with Jamie in April of 2006, he had a checking account at the credit union where I bank. Somehow he had something being auto drafted out of his account through paypal for $4.99 a month. Billy claims he never started this draft but I find it very hard to believe someone would steal his identity for that measly amount. He supposedly went into the bank to have the draft stopped but "they didnt do what they were supposed to" according to him.

    Well when he left to go live with Jamie instead of closing his account which would have stopped the drafts, he left like 5 bucks in the account and the drafts kept coming each month and incurring overdrafts each time they tried to go through. DUH!!! Eventually the bank did close the account but they also flagged his name so he can never get another account with the credit union. They also took the overdraft money out of MY savings account last summer. I was ticked but nothing I could do about it.

    Now...according to my genius son, it is MY fault all this happened because I didnt tell him he should have closed his account before he left to go to Jamie's. And it is someone else's fault that the drafts even started in the first place. He claims that Jamies first girlfriend from 2003 was the one to do this but I cannot believe he left it go on that long. Not 3 years. I think this 4.99 a month had something to do with some internet thing he was doing. What else could it be? No one else can get into his paypal account, he passwords it well.

    I get so tired of him blaming everyone else for things he does. If its not Corys fault, its mine. It is never his fault. When caught in a lie he tells, he gets mad and says we told him what he said. Uhhhh not! He actually told my father that Cory had wrecked my car by hitting a ditch and flipping the car 3 times! Now he had to know that was a complete lie because the car only has a small dent and a broken headlight! Cory hit a ditch and did damage to the undercarriage but if he had flipped a cavalier the car would be a pancake! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I quit worrying about it being my fault a long time ago. My stock response is, "Yes, dear, and how are you going to fix it?" This usually stops the blame game.

    I think I'd be telling son of yours that he opened the account, he was responsible for the account and he owes YOU for the amount taken out of your savings. If he had honestly gone to the credit union to stop the PayPal withdrawal, they would have told him they couldn't do it. PayPal has to stop it. So, he needed to contact PayPal. PayPal, in turn, would have told him to contact whomever was actually receiving the money. Obviously, a lot of work for $5 a month, no matter how much it ultimately adds up to.

    Of course it is easier to blame you than take responsibility for his own actions, also cheaper. If it's your fault he doesn't have to pay you back for what you are honestly owed.

    As to the rollover story, I'd chalk that up more to over-exaggeration than flat out lying. A simply roll in the ditch isn't half as exciting as rolling over in the ditch.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh I just gets sooooo annoying to live with this sort of thing day in and day out. This is my "aspie lite" kid who can barely function in the real world but thinks he knows everything about everything!

    The boy is 26 years old and cant drive a car but its my fault because we make him Uhhh...the thought of him behind the wheel of a car scares me to death!

    I should be used to it by now though...for my entire life I have been told everything is my fault!
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    LOL @ aspie lite. A diet aspie kid?

    I get what you mean about being blamed all the time. You go so long hearing the same thing over and over, you start to believe it.

    Not your fault, sweetie.

    Hugs, strength, and prayers your way.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet, I decided a few years ago that I had broad shoulder and could take any blame difficult child threw my way. I know later in life she will be dishing it out big time. I can handle it. I know in my heart I did everything I could for her. She can keep her misguided memories, I know the real deal.

    Just nod and agree is what I plan to do. It will keep the arguing to a minimum!

    I know it is tough to be around a kid that thinks this way though. Try to let it roll.
  6. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    Janet, we may be able to share tops, as my shoulders have grown quite large too with all the blame I have received! These kids are AMAZING!
  7. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    Certainly not your fault.

    He probably signed up for some gaming thing online.

    I am sure he could investigate and find out what it was.

    Sorry you are aggravated.

    Hows the new baby?
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    In this way, Janet, I think Billy and Travis are alot alike. Most of the time it's just irritating. But there are moments when I'd like to strangle him, or it worries me because his version of reality is nowhere near what really happened.

    While reading your post I kept thinking that this is soooo something that Travis would do. And has actually done. lol His fee was for a web site. He supposedly stopped the payments/services but he just got something in the mail saying he owes them so much $$. Now I know no one has his password or anything. Nor is the original amt something someone would bother to steal. But to hear Travis talk...... Well, I'm sure you have a good idea of what I mean.

    I stay out of it. I told him what to do 3 times. He told me at least that many times he did it. I learned a long time ago trying to reason with him is impossible. But it can certainly be frustrating! :crazy2:

  9. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    Well, here's my 2 cents...I've done accounting in the past and am quite computer literate. However, when placing my one and only order with Speigel online, I (according to them, because I gave out my e-mail address), "authorized" them to charge me a recurring $14.95 a month for some sort of questionable and completely useless "service."

    Six months later, when I discovered this, I contacted them. Not surprisingly, they refused to refund the monthly charges. However, fortunately, I had used my credit card to make these purchases (U.S.A.A., by the way, if I'm allowed a "plug"...) and they were at least able to get three months of those bogus charges removed.

    So, even in middle age and, presumably with some sort of experience under our belts, SOME of us still get sucked into scams, so it's not surprising that our difficult child's are so easily bilked...
  10. Jen

    Jen New Member

    First of all I cannot beleive they would take money from your acct to pay the overdraft fees, where did they get the right to do that?
    I to expereince that whole concept of they never acknowlege, take accountability, or when proven to be gulity admit they did it. It is just enough to make a person sick.
    I may have screwed up in my life , we all have, but be so disrespective, and loss of pride to involve my parnets.I guess this is wy it is so schocking to us when they pull this stunt. How stupid of us to expect that they would even respect us half as much as we did our parents, SAD!

  11. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Tell him that when he points his blaming finger at people, 3 fingers are pointing right back at him. I recently got blamed (by a easy child), for the kid having gotten a sunburn. This is after I told him to use sunblock and he refused. Finally, he relented and used a sunblock wipe thing. But,"it didn't work" and now his sunburn is my fault -for having suggested it.(He was too cool for the lotion sunblock, which I also exasparatingly suggested repeatedly) Janet, if we go back far enough, it is all our fault-for having given birth to them in the first place. Just kidding-Alyssa