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General Parenting
very depressing evening for difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 80165" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I can see why difficult child would be upset. Too bad mom doesn't have more sense. I'm sure that would be too much to ask.</p><p></p><p>It might be better if you leave it up to mom to make the first step next time. Or difficult child. My ex-brother in law was an absentee dad for a long time. When my niece was about your difficult child's age, my sister got tired of listening to her whine about her dad not loving her and not caring enough to see her. My sister's calls to ex went nowhere, and she had to have a frank talk with her daughter. She told my niece that she knew she hurt, and that she was disappointed in her ex and it hurt her too. BUT, she while wasn't married to him anymore, he would always be niece's dad. She told my niece that if she wanted to see her dad, she needed to call him and tell him how she felt. </p><p></p><p>Luckily, in that situation, her dad <em>did</em> step up. And <em>maybe</em> in difficult child's case it will help her mom to step up if she realizes that her daughter needs her. (You never know...) But at 13, it would probably be a good thing for you to remove yourself from this equation, making your relationship with her separate from the one with her mom. It also may empower her to talk to her mom, and help her to understand that if her mom <em>doesn't</em> step up, that's on her mom, not her.</p><p></p><p>I have some insight with my husband. His mom is totally unable to cope with anything. She's been in and out of psychiatric institutions most of her adult life. He had to pay the bills for her while he was away at college because the utilities kept getting cut off. That's just the tip of the iceberg. Some people just can't plan a day ahead. Some people can't care more about their children than themselves. It breaks my heart to hear about this stuff. I hope that your difficult child won't feel like her mother's problems reflect upon her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 80165, member: 99"] I can see why difficult child would be upset. Too bad mom doesn't have more sense. I'm sure that would be too much to ask. It might be better if you leave it up to mom to make the first step next time. Or difficult child. My ex-brother in law was an absentee dad for a long time. When my niece was about your difficult child's age, my sister got tired of listening to her whine about her dad not loving her and not caring enough to see her. My sister's calls to ex went nowhere, and she had to have a frank talk with her daughter. She told my niece that she knew she hurt, and that she was disappointed in her ex and it hurt her too. BUT, she while wasn't married to him anymore, he would always be niece's dad. She told my niece that if she wanted to see her dad, she needed to call him and tell him how she felt. Luckily, in that situation, her dad [i]did[/i] step up. And [i]maybe[/i] in difficult child's case it will help her mom to step up if she realizes that her daughter needs her. (You never know...) But at 13, it would probably be a good thing for you to remove yourself from this equation, making your relationship with her separate from the one with her mom. It also may empower her to talk to her mom, and help her to understand that if her mom [i]doesn't[/i] step up, that's on her mom, not her. I have some insight with my husband. His mom is totally unable to cope with anything. She's been in and out of psychiatric institutions most of her adult life. He had to pay the bills for her while he was away at college because the utilities kept getting cut off. That's just the tip of the iceberg. Some people just can't plan a day ahead. Some people can't care more about their children than themselves. It breaks my heart to hear about this stuff. I hope that your difficult child won't feel like her mother's problems reflect upon her. [/QUOTE]
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very depressing evening for difficult child
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