Very difficult parent/teacher meeting with easy child/difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Californiablonde, Mar 13, 2015.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Lately easy child has been lagging in homework assignments for Math and English so I was ordered to attend a teacher's meeting yesterday with my son. Four of his teachers were there, including his math teacher, English teacher, science teacher, and study skills teacher. The Math and English teachers are female and to put it bluntly, cold hearted b***hes. My son's science teacher had nothing but great things to say about him and his work habits. His study skills teacher didn't really say much (he is also easy child's case carrier,) but his Math and English teachers were brutal.

    First off I got accused of being a lazy mom who has let my son have a free ride for years without any homework. Nothing could be further from the truth. Truth be told, I have been having easy child do his work before school when I drop him off because he is at his best in the mornings and his ADHD medications have kicked in. easy child prefers to do it in the morning as well, claiming he is too tired by the end of the day. For the past two weeks easy child has suddenly been slacking and not completing his work. I got the blame for it. They both actually yelled at me. Told me there is no reason why easy child can't do his work in the afternoon.

    Poor easy child/difficult child got an earful too. All these two teachers did was say how AWESOME their other students are, and how he is the ONLY one they have problems with. They were rapid firing questions at him and demanding answers. First off easy child is autistic and incredibly, painfully shy with adults. He couldn't utter a word yesterday as they were berating him and demanding answers. My son was near tears and all he could manage to do was shrug his shoulders.

    He got yelled at for not answering. When I tried to stick up for him, his English teacher told me to stop babying him and stop using his disorders as an excuse. I was speechless. You all know how anxious I get when other people are upset at me. I was in a major panic attack the whole hour I was there. Bottom line is they say easy child won't graduate unless he completely turns around. I am hoping the meeting was enough to get easy child more motivated. I am going to have him work on some homework after I get off work but it won't be easy. I am just upset about the whole way this was handled. No wonder my son says he can't stand those teachers. He actually asked me if he could transfer schools because he dislikes them so much. I told him to hold on cause we have another three months of this then we are outta there!
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Maybe you need to get out of California! Just joking, but... man. We had some rough teachers and rough years, but... the caseworker wouldn't even stand up to the teachers? Really? He isn't responding well to being put on the spot, doesn't communicate normally, and somehow it's because you are babying him?

    Did someone put you in a time warp and send you back a few decades?
  3. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    The case carrier absolutely did not stand up for him which really pisses me off!! My son really likes his case carrier and feels very comfortable with him. I'm sure he was confused just as much as I was as to why he was just sitting there saying NOTHING the whole time! And his IEP is due next month, and by that time I will have calmed down enough to give my input of how we have been treated by these two teachers.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    File a formal complaint. They were abusive not just to your child but also to you and that is totally unacceptable. They are ignoring his IEP and making unfair accusations and they are way off base. It is time for you to figure out how to stand up and leave when people are being rude this way. Tell them quietly that you will return when they are prepared to behave like adults and not immature brats and leave the room with your child when ANYONE treats you this way. Use the flight instinct and just LEAVE when they are this inappropriate. It is the only way to treat them as you could not have said anything they would listen to anyway. Insist that someone who will stand up for your child be there at all future meetings with these women. flat out refuse to meet with them if they will not behave in a professional and appropriate manner. Period. end of story.

    Go to the principal AND call the state dept of ed and file FORMAL complaints of verbal abuse. They violated his rights by ignoring his handicaps, period. Threaten to sue the school and the teachers for this - they WILL start to be scared of YOU, which is what you need.

    Why did you not find an advocate? I think I sent you some resources to find one. Make it a priority to find one and don't have meetings with-o your advocate, ever!
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  5. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    Holy cow. Unacceptable, cruel, unprofessional on all levels. I've sat in on hundreds of IEP meetings, student study teams, etc., and I have never, ever seen anything like this. And I live in California. Good lord.
  6. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Im so sorry they were rude to you and your son had to hear this. They are suppose to be there to help guide and find solutions, lend support not be uncaring! Its one thing for people not to understand whats going on with someone, but to be so nasty like that was no excuse! Hugs to you and your son. Hope your daughter is doing better too - hugs as well. :)
  7. Rina

    Rina Member

    This behavior is unprofessional and unacceptable. I would have just gotten up and left. Maybe you should seriously consider transferring him. It can be assumed that this behavior on part of the teachers makes him uncomfortable/anxious at school, and probably affects his work habits... maybe transferring could be an option?
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member


    First of all, there is no need for your kids to ever attend an IEP meeting.

    Secondly, just hearing about that bossy English teacher made me fantacize about how I would have stood up and talked over her until she shut up. Teachers were afraid of me. I was never afraid of them and if they got aggressive, I fought back with knowledge and I followed up by calling the Dept. of Public Ed. But I also made sure an advocate was with me. Besides knowing the system and law, the advocate was a witness.

    I would call the Dept. of Public Education. No reason to jump through hoops and write letters. That teacher needs to be reported to somebody who can hold the school accountable for the entire incident. The teacher is a total idiot.

    I always got what I felt was best for my kids. The school district heads knew I'd take action and even take it to court with my advocate and they didn't want to go there. My kids were treated like royalty. My daughter once told me that her teachers had said to her, "There are at least ten teachers here who hope to never talk to your mom again." They did what they could to keep me and my kids happy and moving forward. School districts tend to be collective bullies. The only way to deal with them and get results is to show you are as strong as they are and unafraid of them, where not going to any meeting alone comes in, especially if you are shy. I can be shy too, but if you mess with my kid, especially in front of my kid, my fear seems to dissolve and then you deal with Angry Mom With Lots of Knowledge and the Dept. of Public Education.

    Nobody dare messed with my kids. Trust me, the kids get treated better and so do you if you don't act scared and helpless and call in some reinforcements. The funny thing is, the teachers AND principals often turned out to be on my side and a few befriended me, included Jumper's principal, who was awesome to Jumper. He was invited to her Senior Graduation Party. You have to have fight in you. Yes, it is a fight. You need to win for the sake of your children. Get an advocate. You can't do this particular School District alone. Make them sweat.:wine:
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2015
  9. DawnMM

    DawnMM New Member

    I am so sorry you had to deal with this. I hate when they blindside me like that. In the future you can politely excuse yourself from the meeting and then when the meeting is rescheduled you will know to tape record it (just tell them a few days ahead, they are not allowed to say no). It is okay to say you are either not prepared or you have a headache and will need to reschedule. Again, I am so sorry. You sound like you handled the situation okay even though it was so upsetting. AND, you are not responsible for making sure your child gets his HW done, he is in eighth grade. It matters not what his diagnoses' are. The school should be the ones to step up and make the HW happen. They can give modified assignments, a study period, or more help at school. Feel free to through his undone HW right back on them. What are THEY doing to help him get the HW done? Are they making him complete work at home that he didn't finish at school? That is not okay if he has ADHD.