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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 400690" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>He may think that you trust him and he has no reason to need to change the passwords. Go with your instincts - they are clearly and loudly telling you that something is very wrong. This is so painful. in my opinion the emotional affairs are far more damaging than the other kinds. My childhood bff turned to me after many years when her husband had an affair that was just emotional at that time but was CLEARLY headed toward physical. He flew all over the WORLD for weeks at a time with his other woman because they worked for the same company. They managed to get help and turn it around, largely because I kept pushing her to NOT make decisions out of anger because you cannot unmake them. I did, and do, think it was a childish, ridiculous thing for him to do, and was totally wrong of him. I also helped her see that there were reasons to stay at least long enough to try to work it out. I mostly tried to just listen and urge her to stop and think rather than just react, and to make SURE before she made any decision other than to have a complete STD panel, including HIV, and to think about birth control that could prevent or help prevent STDs. Turns out that shortly after he came up with an infection right after a business trip. Didn't tell her - she found out when she finally got the screening I suggested. </p><p> </p><p>I urge you to first make sure that you are healthy, and that you will stay healthy. You don't have to tell him, but have your doctor do some tests if you have ANY suspicions that he might be physical with another person. You must protect your health because there are a LOT of things out there that you can end up having to deal with for a long time. THAT kind of reminder you DON"T need, Know what I mean??</p><p> </p><p>Then keep an eye on the keylogger. do you have a family plan for cell phones? Go to the carrier and ask for a printout of all texts. If you are on the account it shouldn't be a problem. Is there an app you can put on his phone if he uses internet on that? If so, get one. </p><p> </p><p>If he just cannot shake this woman, you will know. her language makes me doubt that. I would wait until you know more of what is going on before asking him about it. In all of this, trust your instincts. Some men don't think their wives are suspicious or the type to check on them, so they don't bother to hide things. or to change passwords. The getting out of chat and deleting things is enough to warrant being suspicious. I totally understand about friends of the opposite sex. it is normal for husband and I, and both sets of our parents also had friends of the opposite sex. We are also very trusting - if I were to see husband in a restaurant with a woman it owuld be no big deal unless they were kissing or something. It wouldn't occur to me to be jealous. He worked in one job where it was clear that one coworker wanted to sleep with him (largely because she seemed to try for every guy, esp if they were married). I was careful to be very friendly to her, even giving her gifts for the holidays (gave her scented body lotion that was given to Jess and made us all sneeze - even husband, lol). It was NOT from him, it was from ME to her. (Making husband sneeze when she wore it was just a "benefit", lol). I also warned him that she was "on the prowl" and looking his way because he truly is oblivious to advances from other women. I have only ever seen him realize it twice and BOTH times it was almost as blatant as if the woman had walked up and stripped in front of him. He was horrified, thankfully.</p><p> </p><p>This woman may have pursued him, but he is still responsible for not stopping her. I pray this isn't what it looks like and that he is secretly planning some huge surprise like a visit from a long lost childhood friend of yours. I just wouldn't rely on that. Give it time to see what he is actually doing, and then thinka bout it and what you want. If you have a therapist or priest or someone you can talk to, go to them. </p><p> </p><p>Marriages can come back from this, but it takes work and a lot of willingness on his part. he may not realize how this will upset you simply because he hasn't thought about it other than with his anatomy. Some men really do turn it around when they are hit with what they will lose if they keep up this type of behavior. Therapy can be very helpful in that case. I just urge you to think before you act because if you are wrong it can make problems that are hard to recover from.</p><p> </p><p>I am so sorry this is even a question in your mind. many hugs and we are here whenever you need us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 400690, member: 1233"] He may think that you trust him and he has no reason to need to change the passwords. Go with your instincts - they are clearly and loudly telling you that something is very wrong. This is so painful. in my opinion the emotional affairs are far more damaging than the other kinds. My childhood bff turned to me after many years when her husband had an affair that was just emotional at that time but was CLEARLY headed toward physical. He flew all over the WORLD for weeks at a time with his other woman because they worked for the same company. They managed to get help and turn it around, largely because I kept pushing her to NOT make decisions out of anger because you cannot unmake them. I did, and do, think it was a childish, ridiculous thing for him to do, and was totally wrong of him. I also helped her see that there were reasons to stay at least long enough to try to work it out. I mostly tried to just listen and urge her to stop and think rather than just react, and to make SURE before she made any decision other than to have a complete STD panel, including HIV, and to think about birth control that could prevent or help prevent STDs. Turns out that shortly after he came up with an infection right after a business trip. Didn't tell her - she found out when she finally got the screening I suggested. I urge you to first make sure that you are healthy, and that you will stay healthy. You don't have to tell him, but have your doctor do some tests if you have ANY suspicions that he might be physical with another person. You must protect your health because there are a LOT of things out there that you can end up having to deal with for a long time. THAT kind of reminder you DON"T need, Know what I mean?? Then keep an eye on the keylogger. do you have a family plan for cell phones? Go to the carrier and ask for a printout of all texts. If you are on the account it shouldn't be a problem. Is there an app you can put on his phone if he uses internet on that? If so, get one. If he just cannot shake this woman, you will know. her language makes me doubt that. I would wait until you know more of what is going on before asking him about it. In all of this, trust your instincts. Some men don't think their wives are suspicious or the type to check on them, so they don't bother to hide things. or to change passwords. The getting out of chat and deleting things is enough to warrant being suspicious. I totally understand about friends of the opposite sex. it is normal for husband and I, and both sets of our parents also had friends of the opposite sex. We are also very trusting - if I were to see husband in a restaurant with a woman it owuld be no big deal unless they were kissing or something. It wouldn't occur to me to be jealous. He worked in one job where it was clear that one coworker wanted to sleep with him (largely because she seemed to try for every guy, esp if they were married). I was careful to be very friendly to her, even giving her gifts for the holidays (gave her scented body lotion that was given to Jess and made us all sneeze - even husband, lol). It was NOT from him, it was from ME to her. (Making husband sneeze when she wore it was just a "benefit", lol). I also warned him that she was "on the prowl" and looking his way because he truly is oblivious to advances from other women. I have only ever seen him realize it twice and BOTH times it was almost as blatant as if the woman had walked up and stripped in front of him. He was horrified, thankfully. This woman may have pursued him, but he is still responsible for not stopping her. I pray this isn't what it looks like and that he is secretly planning some huge surprise like a visit from a long lost childhood friend of yours. I just wouldn't rely on that. Give it time to see what he is actually doing, and then thinka bout it and what you want. If you have a therapist or priest or someone you can talk to, go to them. Marriages can come back from this, but it takes work and a lot of willingness on his part. he may not realize how this will upset you simply because he hasn't thought about it other than with his anatomy. Some men really do turn it around when they are hit with what they will lose if they keep up this type of behavior. Therapy can be very helpful in that case. I just urge you to think before you act because if you are wrong it can make problems that are hard to recover from. I am so sorry this is even a question in your mind. many hugs and we are here whenever you need us. [/QUOTE]
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