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The Watercooler
Walmart Greeter of the Year *funny*
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 160544" data-attributes="member: 84"><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">Ok. First picture in your mind a distinguished old gentleman wearing nothing but a Walmart bag as clothing:</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">(cuz I can't figure out how to get the picture to show)</span></span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-mart in Arkansas </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">They hired him because he was so funny..... </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old *******) </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">whatever's available.. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">EDUCATION: Yes. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">intimate environment . </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?' </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">NEAREST RELATIVE ......7 miles </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="color: #006062">***Old People Rock! *** </span></span></span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 160544, member: 84"] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]Ok. First picture in your mind a distinguished old gentleman wearing nothing but a Walmart bag as clothing:[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062](cuz I can't figure out how to get the picture to show)[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062][SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-mart in Arkansas [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]They hired him because he was so funny..... [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old *******) [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]whatever's available.. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]EDUCATION: Yes. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]intimate environment . [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?' [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]NEAREST RELATIVE ......7 miles [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=2][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#006062]***Old People Rock! *** [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Walmart Greeter of the Year *funny*
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