Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
We don't know what to do 22 year old son
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 663528" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This young man is very messed up and disrespectful of you and he sounds dangerous to his sister or maybe anyone. He is not ready to change. I would not worry that letting him into the house, even for a minute, may result in his doing illegal deeds, but that he can bring seriously dangerous enemies and friends into your house, chasing him for unpaid drug money or holding stuff that, since it is YOUR house, can get YOU arrested. When my daughter was on drugs, she hung around with criminals who mostly ended up in jail and prison and could have been a danger to all of us. But we didn't find out how bad it was until she quit. Then she told us. Don't assume your son is not a danger to you, if only because of what he does and who he knows.</p><p>See him at Starbucks if you want to talk to him. Don't let him into your house.</p><p></p><p>Change the locks.</p><p></p><p>Do not give him a dime. What did he do to deserve your hard earned money? He can get a job. I assume he is able-bodied. He may be already making good money from selling drugs. My daughter says "If you use, you sell." I can not verify the truth of that, but I believe her now. She has no reason to lie and does not lie anymore.</p><p></p><p>You want your name on a lease where he will bring criminals? Where he may trash the place? You want to be responsible?</p><p></p><p>Be uber honest with yourself.</p><p></p><p>Do you truly see your son working hard at going to school right now? I would not even entertain that idea. If he wants to go, like my daughter who quit taking drugs, he can take out a loan and get a grant. She did all this without even telling us because she had grown up by then...the drugs were gone. She did not expect us to take care of her anymore.</p><p></p><p>If he drives anything in your name, remove it. He can walk, learn public transportation or ride his bike. Anything in your name that he uses is a threat to YOU. On top of that, he will drive impaired and could kill himself or somebody else because you gave him a way to use a vehicle when he should not be driving at all. My daughter was in three car crashes. One was so serious that she owed the lady she hit $14,000 long after she stopped drugs. Luckily for us, we had long since refused to let her into our car and she had been driving a rather ignorant "friend's" car. She is lucky that last time that nobody was killed. Since she quit drugs, she has had no accidents at all in over ten years.</p><p></p><p>Do not spend all your retirement money on this young man. He will do nothing until he is ready and when he is ready he will do it without your help. If he is never ready, at least you kept your retirment and can still learn to enjoy the rest of your life even with one of your adult children in trouble. It is HIS trouble, not yours anymore. Do not refuse to live a happy, productive, fun life because your son is struggling. You still have to take care of your own wants and needs. You need to enjoy yourselves, regardless of him.</p><p></p><p>I would have no more talks to with him. He knows how to "play" you and especially Dad. Dad is fairly in denial. I'd be very unhappy with my husband for not listening to my wishes over my son's.</p><p></p><p>The most caring think both of you can do for your son is to let him go and learn how to do life on his own, even if it gets rough. He's the one making it so rough. Eventually he will catch on or not, but HE will decide his fate. You won't. You can't.</p><p></p><p>Your husband, more than you, needs to understand that giving into your son is just making life worse for the rest of you and not helping Son one bit.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting hearts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 663528, member: 1550"] This young man is very messed up and disrespectful of you and he sounds dangerous to his sister or maybe anyone. He is not ready to change. I would not worry that letting him into the house, even for a minute, may result in his doing illegal deeds, but that he can bring seriously dangerous enemies and friends into your house, chasing him for unpaid drug money or holding stuff that, since it is YOUR house, can get YOU arrested. When my daughter was on drugs, she hung around with criminals who mostly ended up in jail and prison and could have been a danger to all of us. But we didn't find out how bad it was until she quit. Then she told us. Don't assume your son is not a danger to you, if only because of what he does and who he knows. See him at Starbucks if you want to talk to him. Don't let him into your house. Change the locks. Do not give him a dime. What did he do to deserve your hard earned money? He can get a job. I assume he is able-bodied. He may be already making good money from selling drugs. My daughter says "If you use, you sell." I can not verify the truth of that, but I believe her now. She has no reason to lie and does not lie anymore. You want your name on a lease where he will bring criminals? Where he may trash the place? You want to be responsible? Be uber honest with yourself. Do you truly see your son working hard at going to school right now? I would not even entertain that idea. If he wants to go, like my daughter who quit taking drugs, he can take out a loan and get a grant. She did all this without even telling us because she had grown up by then...the drugs were gone. She did not expect us to take care of her anymore. If he drives anything in your name, remove it. He can walk, learn public transportation or ride his bike. Anything in your name that he uses is a threat to YOU. On top of that, he will drive impaired and could kill himself or somebody else because you gave him a way to use a vehicle when he should not be driving at all. My daughter was in three car crashes. One was so serious that she owed the lady she hit $14,000 long after she stopped drugs. Luckily for us, we had long since refused to let her into our car and she had been driving a rather ignorant "friend's" car. She is lucky that last time that nobody was killed. Since she quit drugs, she has had no accidents at all in over ten years. Do not spend all your retirement money on this young man. He will do nothing until he is ready and when he is ready he will do it without your help. If he is never ready, at least you kept your retirment and can still learn to enjoy the rest of your life even with one of your adult children in trouble. It is HIS trouble, not yours anymore. Do not refuse to live a happy, productive, fun life because your son is struggling. You still have to take care of your own wants and needs. You need to enjoy yourselves, regardless of him. I would have no more talks to with him. He knows how to "play" you and especially Dad. Dad is fairly in denial. I'd be very unhappy with my husband for not listening to my wishes over my son's. The most caring think both of you can do for your son is to let him go and learn how to do life on his own, even if it gets rough. He's the one making it so rough. Eventually he will catch on or not, but HE will decide his fate. You won't. You can't. Your husband, more than you, needs to understand that giving into your son is just making life worse for the rest of you and not helping Son one bit. Hugs for your hurting hearts. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
We don't know what to do 22 year old son
Top