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We don't know what to do 22 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 663795" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Quicksand, I am catching up with your thread. First, welcome to the forum. We are glad you're here, even though we wish you didn't need to be.</p><p></p><p>We so understand. My son has said many of the things to me that your son has said to you. My son's behavior was completely outrageous and unacceptable, but I didn't see it for a long time. What you know is the tip of the iceberg. Our adult DCs who are using drugs and are in deep trouble keep a lot from us, and that's actually good. It doesn't matter all of the things he has done, what matters is the BEHAVIOR that you see. Words are cheap. Don't believe them for a minute.</p><p></p><p>Except I love you. Take it at face value and let it stand on its own. You love him. He loves you. This I believe. Drug addicts and alcoholics, unfortunately, will use our love and their love to manipulate us to the nth degree. We fall for it, over and over and over, thinking "this time." This time. </p><p></p><p>A few thoughts: Stop the flow of money. No more money. Tell him he can't live there anymore. He needs to be on his own and you're not willing to pay for any kind of education right now. If he wants that, he can pay for it himself or you can consider it later, after he cleans up his life.</p><p></p><p>My son has two felonies for selling drugs and multiple misdemeanors and was homeless multiple times, and in jail multiple times. At the time (over six years) I thought I would die from the pain and despair of it all, but there are worse things than felonies and jail and homelessness. He survived. Your son can survive. There is a lot of help for people out there, food, shelter, clothing, medical care etc.</p><p></p><p>My son threatened suicide multiple times. I realize he could have been serious any of those times, or all of them, but in my heart of hearts, I never thought he wanted to kill himself or actually would. But, I took each threat seriously and called the police each time. </p><p></p><p>Step away from your son right now. It will likely get worse before it gets better. People don't like boundaries and they don't like change. They will fight back with all they have. You will have to become very strong and learn how to calm yourself and get very clear about what you will and will not tolerate. And that will take time, and lots of steps forward and back.</p><p></p><p>Today, my 26 year old son is doing much better. He is actually living a productive life, working full time, living in his own place and cleaning up all of the messes he has made. I am cautiously optimistic. </p><p></p><p>Please keep sharing here. We get it, and we care. No judgment here, only ideas, support, compassion and a way forward.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 663795, member: 17542"] Quicksand, I am catching up with your thread. First, welcome to the forum. We are glad you're here, even though we wish you didn't need to be. We so understand. My son has said many of the things to me that your son has said to you. My son's behavior was completely outrageous and unacceptable, but I didn't see it for a long time. What you know is the tip of the iceberg. Our adult DCs who are using drugs and are in deep trouble keep a lot from us, and that's actually good. It doesn't matter all of the things he has done, what matters is the BEHAVIOR that you see. Words are cheap. Don't believe them for a minute. Except I love you. Take it at face value and let it stand on its own. You love him. He loves you. This I believe. Drug addicts and alcoholics, unfortunately, will use our love and their love to manipulate us to the nth degree. We fall for it, over and over and over, thinking "this time." This time. A few thoughts: Stop the flow of money. No more money. Tell him he can't live there anymore. He needs to be on his own and you're not willing to pay for any kind of education right now. If he wants that, he can pay for it himself or you can consider it later, after he cleans up his life. My son has two felonies for selling drugs and multiple misdemeanors and was homeless multiple times, and in jail multiple times. At the time (over six years) I thought I would die from the pain and despair of it all, but there are worse things than felonies and jail and homelessness. He survived. Your son can survive. There is a lot of help for people out there, food, shelter, clothing, medical care etc. My son threatened suicide multiple times. I realize he could have been serious any of those times, or all of them, but in my heart of hearts, I never thought he wanted to kill himself or actually would. But, I took each threat seriously and called the police each time. Step away from your son right now. It will likely get worse before it gets better. People don't like boundaries and they don't like change. They will fight back with all they have. You will have to become very strong and learn how to calm yourself and get very clear about what you will and will not tolerate. And that will take time, and lots of steps forward and back. Today, my 26 year old son is doing much better. He is actually living a productive life, working full time, living in his own place and cleaning up all of the messes he has made. I am cautiously optimistic. Please keep sharing here. We get it, and we care. No judgment here, only ideas, support, compassion and a way forward. [/QUOTE]
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We don't know what to do 22 year old son
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