We have a 5 yo little girl.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Leigha, Mar 30, 2011.

  1. Leigha

    Leigha New Member

    Our little girl just turned 5. There are some behavioral patterns that are beginning to cause me concern. In pre school they either get a stamp for being good or no stamp at all. At least twice a week she doesn't get a stamp, sometimes she doesn't get a stamp all week. Her teacher says she refuses to sit when told, she will shove other children and basically ignores instruction. Her teacher also says she just stares at her when she tells her to do something if she doesn't want to do it. I know this is true because she does the same thing with my husband and me. We constantly remind her to say please and thank you, she will never do it on her own. When she is spoken to by someone she doesn't know she refuses to acknowledge them. I have tried rewarding her for good behavior at school and taking things away when her behavior isn't pleasant. She makes me so sad because she will say "I try to be good, it's so hard".
    She doesn't like for us to show her affection, she will push us away unless she is "in the mood". If she gets a booboo she normally pushes us away if we try to comfort her.
    I have to give her instruction over and over again once is never enough. She absolutely will not do what she is told without being told over and over or threatened with a consequence.
    I am so confused and frustrated. I am 47, have raised 2 college aged young men and I absolutely do not remember it being this difficult. The thing is I am so much more patient with her. We read to her daily, let her help cook, play with her and on and on.
    Does any of this sound like normal or abnormal behavior for a 5 yo little girl.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi Leigha! Welcome to the group!

    The one thing I can say to you is "if your Mom gut is telling you that there's something wrong...get it checked out". I would highly recommend that you look into a neuropsychologist evaluation. A neuropsychologist will do a lot of testing (over a course of time - not all at once) will take a developmental history, listen to your concerns/observations, and will help you focus on what may or may not be going on.

    Have you noticed any sensory issues? Sensitivity to sights, sounds, smells, tastes or textures (like itchy tags in shirts, etc.) can be impacting her. Occupational therapy can address these things.

    My point is: if you're worried - put your mind at ease and get some testing done...it's simplify things and point you in a direction so that you can focus on the situation, rather than second-guessing yourself constantly!

    Again, welcome to the group - there's a lot of experience in these forums!

  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello and welcome--

    Your little girl sounds soooo much like my daughter at that age.

    If I knew then what i know now? I would have done the following:

    First, seek out a thorough exam at a children's hospital with a pediatric neuropychiatrist.

    Second, I would try and head-off the power struggle which lasted for many years in my home. My child always seemed so...I don't know....just not happy, not loving, not playful, not laughy-giggly. I reasoned that she was not cooperative because somehow she was expressing her feelings. I tried in VAIN to please her...would go out of my way to do something special or nice - to try and "love" these behaviors out of her. And the more loving, more caring, more "things" I tried to do for her - the more she would act out. And round and round we would go.

    And now, years later - I have discovered that she is far more responsive if I do NOT try and please her. It makes me wonder how things might have gone differently if i wasn't trying so hard to make her happy?


    But I digress....start with the neuropsychologist - see if you can find out what's going on with your little girl.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

  5. rlsnights

    rlsnights New Member

    MidwestMom beat me to it.

    I would ask her school to assess her for Special Education and make sure you mention all those behaviors as concerns. I have become a huge proponent of speech and language assessments so I always tell everyone to make the school do one. It's not about how well they can say the words. It's about how they use or don't use language that you care about. My difficult child 2 didn't have one done until 3 years ago and the results blew everyone away because the problems were so obvious once you asked the right questions.

    And I would go to her pediatrician and discuss your concerns and observations and ask for the neuropsychologist assessment. They may direct you to a developmental pediatrician instead if the peds feels there is enough concern about autism. That's OK too in my book - as a start.

    Hugs, it's hard to face your fears but better now than 5 years from now.

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This isn't typical behavior for a 5yo. She needs a very thorough evaluation from a neuropsychologist, a developmental pediatrician, speech/language therapist, and occupational therapist. I also strongly suggest a hearing test. There are a LOT more things that can go on other than hearing/not being able to hear.

    Does she have normal sleep patterns? If not, maybe a sleep study would help.

    I also suggest at least trying the casein free/gluten free diet. It isn't fun at first because casein is in so many things (it is a protein from milk), but it can make an enormous difference in some people. Allergies/intolerances can really impact behavior and thinking. And while there may be long waits for doctor appts (3 months, maybe more - crazy, I know), you can do the girlfriend/cf diet yourself. Other members here would likely to be happy to share recipes their kids enjoy that are girlfriend/cf.

    The link in my signature will take you to the Parent report outline. It is a report that YOU write about your child so that you can keep everything organized and in one place. It is invaluable at doctor offices, etc...