I don't know what to think.
My son is a covid-denier. He believes that there is no illness. He flaunts that he does not wear masks with friends. As he is now back living with M, this concerns me and it also hurts my feelings. I would want that my son loves me enough to not want to make me ill. I would hope that he cared about my feelings enough to not throw this in my face. On the phone today he said this: He spoke very slowly as if I was an ignorant child: Repeat after me . There is no Covid. Repeat after me. There is no illness.
I was enraged, but I contained myself. And then a few hours later I am questioning myself. I don't believe my son, but I wondering if I need to be more proactive in my choices. I am not talking about doing foolhardy things, without real meaning. I am thinking of biting the bullet and deciding to do my work in person.
I am sick of isolating. I go to medical appointments, out to walk most days and to shop for groceries, 1 or 2 times a week, and that is it. In my state I believe I will be in Tier 2 or Tier 3 to get the vaccine which means only a few more months of this. I hope. In my state, the virus is out of control and spreading like wildfire.
I would like to go back to work. I do meaningful and useful work. I feel that way about it. Work that is meaningful to me, and with the potential to help people. Many people in my profession are working in person while others are working on Zoom and the like. I have been planning on working remotely from home. I really don't want to. I want to be with people. The people I know that are isolating that are my age and older, have serious illnesses. As far as I know, I don't. For the first time I am seriously thinking of returning to work face to face, with precautions.
I don't know what to do. I know my son is wrong. But it could be that I have been wrong too.
All along I have been taking the stance of caution. I have been moved and I have been frightened by the stories of what people are going through. But there is a great need, too, in my area for people who do the work that I do. And this work is best done by human contact. And this kind of contact makes me happy and makes me feel strong and part of life and the world.
It's hard to know what to do. I don't want to get sick or worse. At the same time, I want to live with purpose and without fear.
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Thank you everybody. Writing this to you helped me to arrive at a way to think and a course of action. I just read that even based on my age alone I should be getting this vaccine in the first quarter. That's not even taking into account my profession which is healthcare.
Since talking things out with you guys, I have decided that I don't want to work from home but rather want to gear up to work in my office, which is a converted house. I have never worked in. It will need to be cleaned and decorated. Most of the furniture I need is there, but we've used it for storage. No serious work has to be done besides window shades and curtain panels. Oh. New floors in the kitchen and porch and installing a water heater. I am getting excited.
This is a false choice, to stay at home or to go back to work in the office, because the office isn't ready. And beginning to straighten out and decorate the office will not expose me to risk, as it will only be M and myself. I am getting excited now. As I have a couple of weeks to do here in my house, I won't get started in the office until after Christmas or even New Years. I will try to think positively that I will be able to get the vaccine in February and that timing will be perfect. It gives me something to shoot for.
Thank you so very much for "listening." I would not have come to this decision without you.
PS I just spoke with M and he told me that my son called him and said he decided to move in with a friend. Yay. We have been very hardline. M told J last night if he wanted to stay there we ask that he show us the inside of his bag (to see there is no marijuana. He refused and M told him, well, you've made a statement and a choice.