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We stripped his room again
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<blockquote data-quote="Ropefree" data-source="post: 213279" data-attributes="member: 6271"><p>Wow...and thank you for such a vivid picture of the teen parent dynamic. I am also</p><p>wedged between the privledges and wishes of a teen with perplexing emotions. For me getting out of the round about of arguments and getting to the tasks themselves is now almost daily. ANd the techno-gagets are right there in the mix.</p><p>Right now the lesson I need my teen to 'get' is doing his part FIRST and then the fun things. </p><p>When they were younger the playing was important, and to a degree it still is, but</p><p>getting the chores done daily and well, doing assignments and getting the good grades are prerequisits for the computer and entertainment time. It is not a mystery. Those are the rules. </p><p>What I want is to cut the bull in my relationship with the teen. Pursuing negative attention is a form of whinning and temper tantrum. Mood off? READ a book.</p><p>Angery? Use that to rip the weeds out of the yard and garden. Use...marshal the energy to do what needs doing.</p><p>One of my favorite statements about men by a man I heard is men need to be told what we want because they like to fix it.</p><p>When mothers, girlfriends and wives endulge males in their 'fight' type ability then those men do less. What is important for men to learn and do is to ACT meaningfully in the here and now. I think women: mothers, girlfriends and wives need to be VERY CLEAR that there is work to be done, what it is, when it needs to be finished and that production is the avenue to the granting of a priviledge. When a male does do good work, more than he thinks he can, that is when he begins to learn what possibilites await him.</p><p>Otherwise they live in a parrellel universe of dreams and do nothing.</p><p>Avoiding the challenge because they like to control by intimidation hurts them. Letting them name call and argue with you rather than behaving meaningfully is a bad habit.</p><p>Plus when their are others learning from this example the matter is compounded.</p><p>Good for you taking the DVD away. Next take EVERYTHING and reestablish what is reqired. No negotiation. These are the rules. Behaving fairly...doing your own self care:grooming, pick up after yourself daily,landry, household chores, courteous language and behavior are the basics after that :what are you bringing to the relationship? Volunteering? Growing something that feeds the family? A part-time job?</p><p>What teens lack is experiance. I think the point of the teen with a messy room and </p><p>a bad attitude is that they lack direction. What you may feel he "knows" is actually not that clear to him. Were it the habits reflect it. Loligagging is the same as a </p><p>chick titering on the edge of the nest.</p><p>It is exhausting being the parent.</p><p>I am so sorry about your cousin and so glade you are co-ordinating all that. My mother has had a bout with a medicaid nurseing home and the system works the family so hard with worries. Do you know about the site a place for Mom? They are terrific and have so much to offer FOR FREE to help get the best situation arranged. Someone will send info to you e-mail and it makes the whole mess so much quicker to figure out and get through.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ropefree, post: 213279, member: 6271"] Wow...and thank you for such a vivid picture of the teen parent dynamic. I am also wedged between the privledges and wishes of a teen with perplexing emotions. For me getting out of the round about of arguments and getting to the tasks themselves is now almost daily. ANd the techno-gagets are right there in the mix. Right now the lesson I need my teen to 'get' is doing his part FIRST and then the fun things. When they were younger the playing was important, and to a degree it still is, but getting the chores done daily and well, doing assignments and getting the good grades are prerequisits for the computer and entertainment time. It is not a mystery. Those are the rules. What I want is to cut the bull in my relationship with the teen. Pursuing negative attention is a form of whinning and temper tantrum. Mood off? READ a book. Angery? Use that to rip the weeds out of the yard and garden. Use...marshal the energy to do what needs doing. One of my favorite statements about men by a man I heard is men need to be told what we want because they like to fix it. When mothers, girlfriends and wives endulge males in their 'fight' type ability then those men do less. What is important for men to learn and do is to ACT meaningfully in the here and now. I think women: mothers, girlfriends and wives need to be VERY CLEAR that there is work to be done, what it is, when it needs to be finished and that production is the avenue to the granting of a priviledge. When a male does do good work, more than he thinks he can, that is when he begins to learn what possibilites await him. Otherwise they live in a parrellel universe of dreams and do nothing. Avoiding the challenge because they like to control by intimidation hurts them. Letting them name call and argue with you rather than behaving meaningfully is a bad habit. Plus when their are others learning from this example the matter is compounded. Good for you taking the DVD away. Next take EVERYTHING and reestablish what is reqired. No negotiation. These are the rules. Behaving fairly...doing your own self care:grooming, pick up after yourself daily,landry, household chores, courteous language and behavior are the basics after that :what are you bringing to the relationship? Volunteering? Growing something that feeds the family? A part-time job? What teens lack is experiance. I think the point of the teen with a messy room and a bad attitude is that they lack direction. What you may feel he "knows" is actually not that clear to him. Were it the habits reflect it. Loligagging is the same as a chick titering on the edge of the nest. It is exhausting being the parent. I am so sorry about your cousin and so glade you are co-ordinating all that. My mother has had a bout with a medicaid nurseing home and the system works the family so hard with worries. Do you know about the site a place for Mom? They are terrific and have so much to offer FOR FREE to help get the best situation arranged. Someone will send info to you e-mail and it makes the whole mess so much quicker to figure out and get through. [/QUOTE]
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